Moving a new man in YOUR home

[EvenIsickAsIamIwouldNeverBeYou]

Hi, all. Just wondering how you would approach this dilemma.

I have dcs and a mortgage which has 5years left on it. Therefore I have a lot of equity in my house that I have paid for by myself as a single parent over the past 10 years.

If my partner were to move in (and he wants to, is renting atm, has no savings or property) what do you think should happen with my house? I don't want to automatically ha do over 50% of my home, which I see as my dcs inheritance.

If we upgraded it would be by using my house that I have all but paid for. I doubt we could sell it anyway, the market is awful here, I would not get a lot for it. I would probably have to rent it out rather than sell it.

I know I sound tight and mean and unloving but I have been burned before and walked away with literally nothing but the clothes on my and dcs backs and I have worked hard to get us the stability we now enjoy.
Is this an indication of not being ready to have him move in, or is it perfectly normal (that'd be a first!)

Tia

Could you not sit down together and discuss what the future looks like?
Maybe get your property valued now.
Look at the equity and get legal papers drawn up stating that if anything happens you get XX amount and then the rest is split.

It's not an easy one but maybe go together to a solicitor to see what they suggest.

I don't think it means you're not ready. I think you are being very sensible and looking after your and your DC interests before committing to something. So many don't!

No.
No new man in my home.
Let him have a home of his own.

Your position is clear. He has no assets and wants to acquire half of yours. Don't allow it.

You don't sound tight, mean or unloving. You sound pragmatic and sensible. I'm always amazed at people who think moving in with a partner means immediately owning 50% of their house and that is expected. It's usually the other way around and women deride a man who won't put a partner on the deeds.

If you have children together it is a different situation entirely.

My house will pass to my children. I would not expect to own a partner's house preventing their children inheriting either

I'm not very well schooled in how the law works in these situations, but I think it's a sensible thing to want to protect your assets. Your house is security for you and your children which you've been paying for, so don't let someone else become entitled to any of it in the event of a breakup or whatever. Five years will go quickly and then the mortgage is paid.

It would be different if your partner had paid half towards it, but you say he hasn't, so look after yourself and your children first.

You don't sound any of those horrible things, in fact you're right to be concerned, he has nothing, you do.

Do not put him on your mortgage, let him move in and pay you rent, no doubt cheaper than what he's paying at the moment, so, both of you score, and your asset is protected.

Has he told you he expects to move in, and for you to sign over half your (your childrens future assets) to him?

If you dont marry him, and you dont put him on the deeds and the mortgage, he has not really got much claim. If you do marry him, your home becomes a marital asset, so you will need legal advice.

I think this really depends how serious your relationship is. If I inherited a house tomorrow it would be mine and DH's, not just mine. And if we had DC and my inheritance had paid for our home, that home would go to DH on my death and not DC.

How old are your DC? Who would look after them on your death? DP or sometime else? If DP, where would he live and look after your children if your assets went to DC rather than him? You wouldn't want to be in a position where your DC aged 7 & 9 for example have big assets that they can't touch until 18 but nowhere to live in the meantime. Tbh I'm not sure how it works if a 7. & 9 year old inherit a home... Does it sit there waiting? Or is it in trust?

I think you should get a solicitor to draw up the paperwork depending on the above and everything else. It's a good time to figure out how you and DP both feel about the short, medium and long term future.

If you and DP are still together aged 80, and you die, I think you would want him to be able to stay in the home wouldn't you? I've heard such horrible stories about DC turfing out their mums long term partner because they inherited the home. Partner is then made homeless.

Personally, if I had any doubt at all, I wouldn't be moving him in. Just out of curiosity, how long have you been together?

Do not put him on your mortgage, let him move in and pay you rent, no doubt cheaper than what he's paying at the moment, so, both of you score, and your asset is protected.

This. And if you're not absolutely sure, check with a solicitor to see where you stand on this.

no no no no no!!

you are not tight, mean or any of those things, that house is yours and you do right to protect it.

Unless you marry him or put him on the mortgage deeds I'm fairly certain that will be the case but a quick and cheapish visit to a sol would probably be for the best.

Has he given any indication that he expects to have half of this asset? if so i'd be very wary. If you upgrade using your property as the 'deposit' for a new place you can protect this using a deed of covenant protecting your percentage of the property valuation. (me and my ex did this as she brought a significant sum to the new property, i brought nothing. Its important to use percentages not actual sums as this protects yr 'investment' going forward. worked for us and id be very suspicious of anyone who was difficult about such an arrangement or who tried to make you feel guilty about it.

And you could make provisions - so dp could stay living in property until his death but not sell it or leave to anyone else etc.

Is he working?

Will he contribute to the mortgage and bills?

If you know what it's worth now, can that be ring-fenced for your children, and then he would only be entitled to a portion of the gain that he will have contributed to IYSWIM?

sorry Nanny but i don't like yr advice.

you gain on property by being the owner of that property, not a tenant. IMO he's not entitled to any gain whatsoever unless op chooses to marry him or put him on the mortgage. I would advise against this. Op has (like many of us) been left with nothing and built up her life and managed to build a nest egg in her property through handwork and determination. To blithely sign this or a portion of it away on the vagary of a new relationship is imo madness!!

Before he moves in:-

1. Co-habitation Agreement. See a solicitor to get this drawn up.

After he moves in:-

1. Will - If he moves in with you and you live as husband and wife for a continuous period of longer than two years, (even if you don't get married) and you die then he may be able to make a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

Depending on your circumstances a solicitor may advise you, depending on your circumstances, to give your partner a right to live in the property for say a year after you die, to enable him to find somewhere else to live. After this the property would revet to your beneficiaries (the children). This gets round the problem of you not leaving him anything in your Will as you are "providing" for him.

If your children are minors, which I am assuming they are, then you need trustworthy Executors and Trustees to manage your Estate for them until they are old enough to inherit.

This is a very complex area and I would strongly recommend that you take legal advice BEFORE he moves in.

Oh and this is really important, if you get married any Will you had previously is automatically revoked by that marriage. You would then die intestate and he would get your Estate (or at least the first £250,000) by virtue of being your husband.

If you even think about getting married you need to make a Will in contemplation of marriage. This would not be revoked by the marriage. If the house is in your name only then you can still leave it to your children even if you are married.

Thanks everyone.
He hasn't said he expects to be put on my mortgage, but the long term plan would be to upgrade and get a mortgage together. I didn't know about covenants to protect what I brought to it, so thanks.
I'd rather leave things as they are and keep this house as mine - all mine! - and start again with equal contributions elsewhere. This house could stay the kids' then, as I say, it wouldn't sell, I would have to rent it out. That equity I'm talking about probably only exists in my head! :)

I wonder if he will see my reluctance as a mirror on the relationship though.
If he moved in and contributed to the bills then he wouldn't automatically have a right to the value of the house if we split up, is that right?
Thanks again. I'm on my phone so keeping brief! :)

Xpost Satan, thanks, that's clear! :)

No, even if he pays the bills he has no automatic right to any beneficial interest in your house. Do not let him either directly or indirectly pay the mortgage.

Secondly, if you were to buy a house together you could hold it as tenants in common in any shares you wish. For example, you buy a house for £200,000. You put in £100,000 and he puts in nothing. You raise a mortgage for the difference in joint names.

Then you have a Declaration of Trust to show that the first £100,000 of profit is yours. This protects your capital. Secondly you say that after the first £100,000 is paid to you then any other profits (after the mortgage is repaid) is split in whatever proportions you agree, ie 30%-70% or whatever.

If you don't want him to have any future claim on the equity in your property DO NOT accept a single penny from him which could later be construed as rent or a contribution towards your mortgage.

Fifty percent of the utility bills, the uplift on the Council Tax once you lose your 25% single person allowance, a reasonable contribution towards the housekeeping (can't be 50% as you've got kids). NOTHING towards any repairs or improvements to the property. NOTHING that looks like a contribution toward the mortgage like holidays, furniture or appliances paid for in lieu.

You've got equity and kids. He's got nothing. Keep it that way.

No no rights, effectively your lodger, you should clued up and have a good plan.

How can he possibly think you are being unfair if you are charging him cheap rent, why at his age does he have absolutely nothing, not even savings, why should you suffer because he's financially incontinent.

I would get his suggestions first without leading the conversation at all.

E.g. "How would this work financially"

Then at least you know his intentioned.

I would then discuss with a solicitor (free half hour consult?) to see how you can protect your assets in the case of someone living with you, and how that would apply if you were classed as having a common law relationship.

Would you need a tenancy agreement for instance etc

It's a good question. Why does he have nothing if he is your age and has no baggage like kids to pay for.

Unless you give him a rent book then he won't have any claim on your house or what he contributes, start off having him as a lodger then see how you get on living together, if all goes well you can keep the house, let it out and you and him can buy a joint mortgage and both be exactly the same financially, i.e., 50/50.

"He hasn't said he expects to be put on my mortgage, but the long term plan would be to upgrade and get a mortgage together. I didn't know about covenants to protect what I brought to it, so thanks."

This is called a Deed of Trust. Your equity in the property you own now can be protected, so you either get that back upon a split in cash-value or as a percentage of the property's purchase-price upon sale. With the increase in equity split 50/50 if that's what you both contribute during your relationship.

I would never in a million years risk someone coming along while I was a mere five years away from settling the mortgage and wanting or trying to get their hands on my equity after a split. That's why you don't accept "rent" or anything that looks like it. Long-standing partners who have never been on the deeds and/or mortgage have successfully claimed equity in a property they shared and contributed towards.

If he doesn't appreciate that, he's the wrong man.

OP I do think though that it should be HOME to both of you. No good can come of you referring to it as YOUR home. The asset is yours, yes, but it will be his home too.

Personally, I wouldn't get a place together unless you can both make it equal, e.g. Both put in 10K deposit (e.g.) and cover mortgage, bills etc equally. Do you both have the ability to find a deposit at some point?

Keep your current house totally separate, use rent to cover your expenses and mortgage which you could maybe decrease by going btl in 5 years. Even put the house in your kids names if you think it's safe (my parents did this, ask a solicitor) and that way even in the event of marriage, the house is theirs. Decent way to avoid inheritance tax in the future too.