Moving a new man in YOUR home

[EvenIsickAsIamIwouldNeverBeYou]

Hi, all. Just wondering how you would approach this dilemma.

I have dcs and a mortgage which has 5years left on it. Therefore I have a lot of equity in my house that I have paid for by myself as a single parent over the past 10 years.

If my partner were to move in (and he wants to, is renting atm, has no savings or property) what do you think should happen with my house? I don't want to automatically ha do over 50% of my home, which I see as my dcs inheritance.

If we upgraded it would be by using my house that I have all but paid for. I doubt we could sell it anyway, the market is awful here, I would not get a lot for it. I would probably have to rent it out rather than sell it.

I know I sound tight and mean and unloving but I have been burned before and walked away with literally nothing but the clothes on my and dcs backs and I have worked hard to get us the stability we now enjoy.
Is this an indication of not being ready to have him move in, or is it perfectly normal (that'd be a first!)

Tia

Why doesn't he have any assets of his own? That would ring massive alarm bells for me.

You're absolutely right to want to be careful about this. Even the most well-meaning people can become nasty and greedy in a break-up. Sounds to me as if the most sensible thing to do is to rent out your place, and go in 50/50 with him on a mortgage for a house for the two of you. That way there'll be no resentment on your part. You can keep your current property entirely separate, and the only thing that changes the situation is if you get married one day. The law changes all the time (I know because I am in your situation and getting married this year), and you'll be advised accordingly by your solicitor if and when that time comes. (Call me un romantic but if he's totally penniless and you already have kids and a house in your name, probably no point tying the knot!)
There does seem to be an element of double standards for men and women in these situations - if things were the other way around you'd be getting loads of posts from women telling you that you would and should be entitled to 50% of your partners home - but in your case, with your children and their future to think about, you really should just keep your property separate and squirrel it away as their nest egg.
Just one last thing, I don't know why your dp doesn't seem to have anything to call his own, maybe there's an exceptional circumstance, but this would ring alarm bells for me. Make sure he's motivated enough for you because you want a partner, not an overgrown child.

My daughter had a Deed of Trust drawn up, and is now very glad she did. Don't marry. Protect yourself and your children.

A good man will understand your concerns and be happy to go along with your decision; why wouldn't he?

So, why does he have nothing?

As said you need something called a Deed of Trust drawn up quite straightforward and needs to be down before he moves in.

I would give, and have, the same advice to a man.

Don't move him in.

Buy a place together, no using your house as deposit, but the two of you fronting equal pars of the deposit.

As others have said, why does he have no assets? The answer to that could be very illuminating ...

Forgive me of someone's already said this, but there's also the question of how he'd react to you protecting your home an children. If he took that badly, then it surely tells you all you need to know??