Moving a new man in YOUR home

[EvenIsickAsIamIwouldNeverBeYou]

Hi, all. Just wondering how you would approach this dilemma.

I have dcs and a mortgage which has 5years left on it. Therefore I have a lot of equity in my house that I have paid for by myself as a single parent over the past 10 years.

If my partner were to move in (and he wants to, is renting atm, has no savings or property) what do you think should happen with my house? I don't want to automatically ha do over 50% of my home, which I see as my dcs inheritance.

If we upgraded it would be by using my house that I have all but paid for. I doubt we could sell it anyway, the market is awful here, I would not get a lot for it. I would probably have to rent it out rather than sell it.

I know I sound tight and mean and unloving but I have been burned before and walked away with literally nothing but the clothes on my and dcs backs and I have worked hard to get us the stability we now enjoy.
Is this an indication of not being ready to have him move in, or is it perfectly normal (that'd be a first!)

Tia

Seriously, keep him away from your current asset, tell him to start saving, and then when he has enough you can make a home together from an equal stand. Your current house is kept totally separate and safe then.

Only works if he can save though which I'm guessing since he hasn't, he can't?

All this talk about rent-books and lodgers is absolute twaddle! it is not possible to have a landlord/lodger or tenant relationship with someone who shares your bed!

If my partner were to move in (and he wants to, is renting atm, has no savings or property)

I bet he does!

Do you though?

Don't marry him!

I wonder how it would go down if a man asked this question! 'Don't marry her!' 'Golddigger!' I don't think so. Usually advice is, 'You're a family now, family money, family home.'

I agree talk of rent books etc is crap. You can make provisions for your children (as I've said above), but I'm not sure I would move in with someone if you're feeling like this OP.

I would tell anyone regardless of gender to protect their assets, and if beginning a cohabiting relationship, to do it from an equal basis.

Even more so if there are kids who need protecting.

Surely it's just common sense.

Taken from a property law site...

If you remain unmarried and follow the below advice then he will not be able to claim an interest against your property, do not:-

1. Let him pay more in rent to you than he would otherwise pay in private accommodation

1. Let him spend money on making improvements to the property which increase it's value

1. Let him pay directly to the mortgage substantial sums to pay it off (you should not let him transfer to the mortgage account directly in any event

1. Get married

Provided you follow the above he will not be able to claim against the property. If you get married and remain so for a significant period of time then the house will eventually become included in the matrimonial asset pool over which you would seek settlement.

If you have a mortgage then you should contact them and tell them he is to live there with you. They will ask that he executes their standard form deed of postponement in which he states that he shall not claim an interest in th property in priority to their charge. You will be in breach of your mortgage conditions if you permit occupation without this.

You may consider seeing a local family solicitor about drawing up a cohabitation agreement dealing with the house, any assets bought during the relationship and how they are to be dealt with upon separation. It would cost around £200+VAT.

But they aren't a family and it's not a family home. Not yet.

Boyfriends and girlfriends living together for the first time aren't a family, why is it different for older people/people with kids/people with assets?

Go and see a solicitor and get something drawn up to protect your interests. All might be rosy now but a few years down the line, if you split up, he could claim an interest in your house. Don't listen to anyone who tells you he can't - it happened to me, to my cost.

If you sold your house and brought together with him, I believe any capital from the sale of your home or deposit you put in can be ring fenced.

So if you sell your house and then put £50k into new house valued at £100k, and your have joint mortgage for £50k, when you go to sell or whatever, 50% of the value of the home will be yours alone , and 50% will be split between you after any mortgage is repaid.

Clearly it would be best to get legal advise to draw up some kind of agreement clarifying this.

I think your idea of letting your house, and taking out a new mortgage together to buy a joint house is a good idea. Then you both start from scratch together.

I would suggest

1. Don't marry him... :) Then it doesn't matter how much he pays towards bills etc., he would have no more claim to your property than a lodger or flat-mate.
2. Don't put him on the mortgage.
3. If you choose to sell your property at some stage (and it is yours) and jointly purchase another property, make sure that your various financial contributions are legally recognised the way they would be if you were buying a property with anyone else. Also draw up the terms under which a sale can be agreed in future
4. Make sure your will is up to date and that your DCs' inheritance is ring-fenced, in trust or whatever.

How long have you been in a relationship with him? Do you see the relationship as a long-term situation, i.e. becoming a stepfather to your dc, sharing life as you get old?

I have been with my DP ten years and remained living apart because it feels more financially secure that way. There's no reason you can't enjoy a relationship without co-habiting. It is the surest way of protecting your assets and keeping your finances totally separate. Even if you manage to protect your home with some kind of cohabitation agreement, if he loses his job/becomes ill and is living with you, he would not be able to claim benefits for long and you'd end up supporting him, as he has no savings to fall back on. I would only ever move someone in if you are prepared to take on that responsibility for your partner - I am not.

Would it surprise you to learn that the driving force behind the idea of cohabitation is him, not me? :)
This is MY house, my childrens'inheritence. I think we would be better off starting afresh instead if him moving in on our "territory'
Great advice, thanks everyone, the info from the property law site was very useful, thanks jan
slithy I would agree that putting my house in kids' names us the best thing once mortgage free.

cogitation and ehric I won't marry him! :)

I can't thank you all enough, I really can't. You have made me see that this is not the right thing to do for me and my kids right now.

His reasoning being that he is wasting money on rent, he pays £X,000 a year on rent and bills to live there - he couldn't give that to me a day have my mortgage paid off in HALF the time!! (so helpful!)

he could give that to me and I'd have my mortgage paid off in HALF the time
Stupid phone!

Angel, even don't think about putting the house in your children's names. Goodness knows what might happen in the future. People have been put out of their homes by children wanting to get their hands on the money when the parents think they've done something clever.

Of course he's the driving force behind the idea of moving in with you: he's got nothing to his name. Nada. Zilch. Rien. Nichts. Sweet fuck all.

Why is that?

You have to trust your kids yes, but it's a fantastic tax break and security etc.

I'm sure you can do it as a trust stating its their house but you have the right to live there until you die etc etc

I did say talk to a solicitor first

Rent your house out and you buy one together. No moving him in.

Ah yes, I see he's twigged the idea of paying towards your mortgage; I wonder why that is??!!

Although he has no assets, maybe he's not so dim after all - at least, not when it comes to latching onto someone else

And the cohabitation's largely his idea, you say? Well, well ...

How long have you been a couple?

Do you know anything about his finances like could he be saving money right now, does he have savings, if not why not etc

Not and expert in law at all but if you bought somewhere together and you paid most/all of the mortgage, could the deeds be as tenants in common so it is made clear what you have paid. I understand that if you split, you would get the same percentage back that you have paid in.

I meant to say if you paid most/all of the deposit.

Yeah it's quite easily done. My parents gave us our deposit so that is classed on the mortgage as mine, I get back the first 20% of equity and then we split the rest.

It's all documented in the mortgage and with a solicitor.

The fact my parents gave it isn't, they are just trusting me to pay it back. :) I just hope our house doesn't decrease in value!

Forgot to say ... we had a friend who blew all his share of the cash from his divorce, then mortgaged himself up to the hilt in a tiny place and kept taking out further loans secured on it

Since then he's tried to get into the properties of several women, always blagging on that he has a fortune tied up in the house but can't sell it yet for various reasons. So far they've all got wise to him, but he continues to try

Hang on a sec - I wonder if it IS him