Cant work out why dp needs to lie to me?

[Cluelesslulu]

My dp has just blatantly lied to me. He's been in the pub all night and didn't phone till much later than he usually would (we don't live together). He said he'd been trying to call for over an hour but had no signal.........then tripped himself up when he said he hadn't eaten yet but when I asked what he was going to have he said he had got a kebab.....the nearest one to him is next to the pub. I asked why he hadn't eaten it an hour ago when he got in. He said he had gone back to where the pub is to get it. I know that is untrue as it's up a hill and he's way too overweight and unfit to walk up the hill. Sorry this is rambling, I just can't understand why he needs to lie?

Well maybe you need to dig deeper?

Cause alcoholics and people who spend their time avoiding having to justiy their bad behaviour lie. Because to them, it seems easier than telling the truth, and they will deal with the fallout "later".
Speaking from experience.

Well his phone would show if he has tried to call you.
I'm not sure you can actually 'know' its not true that he hasn't gone back and bought a kebab.
It sounds to me like he just said what he thought you wanted to hear ' I've been trying to ring you ...' To keep you happy.
Did you tell him you didn't believe him?

The OP doesn't say he's an alcoholic!
However I do think it sounds like he was trying to avoid an argument.
Does it bother you if he goes to the pub?
Does it bother you if he doesn't call til late?

You're asking the wrong question. You probably won't find out what the real reason for lying to you is. Would he spend this kind of effort on trying to understand you?

So ask: does it matter that he lies to you? Can you live with it?

No smartie, I just asked why on earth he didnt eat it when he first got in. I've suspected he lies for quite some time. He's cleaver and this is the first time he's actually slipped up. I know for sure he hasn't gone back as he just can't physically get up the hill (it's very steep)

My ex was an habitual liar. Anything that might conceivably make me annoyed with him, he would lie about.

Drove me insane, because u couldn't really care less about something like being an hour later than he intended to be home, but God I hate lying. He could never get that.

Hrrm, it matters that he needs to lie to me yes. I wonder why he needs to. I'm used to the fact that he goes to the pub after work most nights, he usually gets back by 8.30 or so. If he wanted to stay later it's no problem, he's not an alcoholic or anything. I did wonder why he was late calling me, but just thought he'd fallen asleep on the sofa or something.

Jesus if you're worried about him lying what/when he has eaten, just get shot. Is it really worth the stress?

Been together too many years just to just throw all away over this just yet.

How many?

Because he is a liar

Be in a relationship with a casual liar who does it when he doesn't really have to, and you can bet your last penny he will certainly do it when the stakes are really high

1. You don't live together
2. You've caught him out lying
3. He goes to the pub most nights after work (when do you see him?)
4. You say he's so overweight he can't walk up a hill

He sounds like a catch.

Been together nearly 5 years. I've suspected he's been lying before but could never be sure. Am really suspicious now. He's just phoned again. Said he'd sent 4 texts and obviously forgot he's on the same phone contract as me so I'll be able to check his usage. That will give me the truth anyway.

Did you tell him that?

So you are going to check this out then re. the texts ?

And when you find out he is casually lying again, and expecting you to pretend to be stupid enough to swallow it...what then ? You will have to un-know it, will you ?

Not ready to end it ? Why the fuck not ?

Because I'm soft in the head! I know it and he knows it. I suppose I'm just waiting for him to dig himself enough of a hole and then I'll push him in it and laugh. All my family think he's great as he is a charmer, despite his obvious faults I might add. He has his good points hence the last 5 years. Just can't see why he lies or needs to. Texts/calls take 5 hours to show on my account, don't think he realises I can access his call history.

You are not going to look at his call history though, are you ? Because then you might have to do something, instead of pretending you are in a great relationship

Very sad

Hope you checked the texts. Has the phone signal ever dropped before from that pub, in five years of going there every night?

You're contradicting yourself, you know. You reckon he isn't lying about anything important, he just hung out at the pub for an extra pint/game of snooker, got a kebab and then fibbed. And you say you want to know why he "needs" to lie to you. Short answer is he doesn't need to and you know it. He lies because it's what he does, no reason required! He likes altering his narrative; it's not uncommon.

The only odd thing about this is that you haven't noticed it before ...

Does he often act like you are a nag or killjoy, is he too cowardly to admit to being out for the evening? You're his gf not his mum. Why would he lie unless to see how gullible you are? Charmers and liars need good memories. When he trips up over a detail and then embellishes the story to lend credence it must make you wonder.

When posters say they've spent too long with a DP to end it over a stunt like this, is that throwing more time away on someone who is showing what value he places on the relationship. Never mind what your family think of him, what's on your mind now?

AF, I have checked his call history regularly since he came on my contract in Feb.

Chaseface, I honestly don't nag at all. I accept people for who/what they are and expect them to do the same for me.

We dont live together because of our respective dc's schools, too far for them to travel and we don't want to disrupt their schooling.

GarlicMayonnaise, I have noticed it before or had my suspicions but he always manages to talk his way out of it if I've said anything. I do need proof to draw a line under the relationship and move on. I admit I've been cheated on in two previous relationships and am paranoid, so can't trust my own judgement.

I find the checking of his call history odd. Why do you need more evidence before you finish it?

Umm, unless a five year non-cohabiting relationship with someone who is too fat to walk up a hill, prioritises going to the pub (presumably the same pub) every night is what you want, in what way is a a DP. I wouldn't say I'm a needy person, but if DP went to the pub every night until 2030, I'd feel fairly low down the pecking order.

Is this going anywhere? Do you want it to? If you don't then why worry where he is?

Unless of course you are very very young, which didn't come across in your OP.