Cant work out why dp needs to lie to me?

[Cluelesslulu]

My dp has just blatantly lied to me. He's been in the pub all night and didn't phone till much later than he usually would (we don't live together). He said he'd been trying to call for over an hour but had no signal.........then tripped himself up when he said he hadn't eaten yet but when I asked what he was going to have he said he had got a kebab.....the nearest one to him is next to the pub. I asked why he hadn't eaten it an hour ago when he got in. He said he had gone back to where the pub is to get it. I know that is untrue as it's up a hill and he's way too overweight and unfit to walk up the hill. Sorry this is rambling, I just can't understand why he needs to lie?

why would he make it so obvious if he was up to anything

A sort of double-think going on there and who the hell justifies their actions like that? I bet he pulled wings off butterflies when he was a kid, "No mummy I'm not killing them".

He lies to you because you are acting like his mum, questioning him on his behaviour. He isn't your partner, he's a boyfriend, non-resident, and you can finish with him whenever you like. Go right ahead.

IWill OP probably questions him because of his history of blatantly shifty behaviour. It becomes circular.

OP probably questions him because of his history of blatantly shifty behaviour. - YY, this happened to me. It made it strangely easy for him to paint me as a paranoid, insecure, jealous nutter - both to other people and to me. The self-doubt this kind of thing can engender is incredible.

When I later got to grips with what whom I'd married, and evaluated his behaviours dispassionately, I realised he's a proper psychopath. Not all psychopaths are 'bad people', but XH leaves quite the trail of destruction.

Clueless I'm not convinced anyone truly ever has it 'sorted'. I'm a way from grandkids (30s) and I still feel awfully young at times (and far from sorted although DP and I have a good relationship), but then I spoke to my mother (early 60s) and she still feels like she's 21...

I think anyone would have doubts about a relationship knowing they've been lied to. If he's lying because he has a problem of his own, then I think I would still have doubts.

It doesn't tbh sound like you value it enough to continue (and no wonder). Imagine yourselves in 20 years time... If that sends a shudder up your spine based on your current relationship, I reckon that's a good sign that you're doing the right thing.

Love, why are you policing his every move?

He doesn't live with you, he's free to come and go as he pleases to and from his own home.

I get that you have a past you're sensitive as a result of, but can't you see that these are your issues alone.

You don't have any right at all to check up on him. None whatsoever.

You need to work out why it is that you consistently choose men that lie/cheat, not try to control the bloke you are with to the point of catching his every move.

5 years is nothing when you've wasted your time. End it, work on yourself and start again when you are ready.

I can't help but imagine how fucking angry i'd be if I knew someone was logging into my calls. I'd dump them there and then.

Well it is better perhaps that you are not living together. If you did, he would not change. He is one of those blokes who enjoys being down the pub. Even if married with kids, that would still be a priority.

I bet he just doesn't like being checked up on for some reason. I would doubt he is cheating though, unles the other woman likes being in pubs every night. He does not sound much of a catch to be honest (though I know every cheating bastard is hardly a Brad Pitt type).

I bet if you where to ring whilst he was in the pub and he claims not to have received the call, he would be sitting there rolling his eyes and going on to his drinking buddies (who may not be real friends) about 'the little woman nagging him".

Hissy - that's a fair point. It's how he's made me, in my defense. I've never been that way before.

Deathray - I think you've hit the nail on the head. He's probably one of those blokes who needs the pub more than a relationship.

I have broken up with him about 3 times in the last five years but always end up going back. There are good bits to the relationship, he can be such a good companion and we do get on well, but he has such an attachment to his local pub that I wonder if he would be happy ever to move from the area where he lives anyway. It's a grotty pub too.

I know I must seem like a right fool but it's important to me that I end it only when I've absolutely had enough and know I won't be tempted to go back.

When it's turned you in to this, isn't that enough?

He's not right for you. End it.