Is he not that into me? Or am I paranoid?

[MelissaMorning]

My new man has me feeling like a schoolgirl and I wanted some advice on how to play this. I don't want to mess this up and I am not very practised at dating having been in LTRs for my entire life really apart from the past year.

I'm 34, he's 38. We "met" online dating about a month ago. He lives two hours from me but I loved his profile so sent him a message anyway.

He was keen from the outset, he says from the first time we talked he cancelled his other dates and stopped chatting to other girls. After messaging for 24 hours we swapped numbers and started to phone / text and video chat. Usually for hours every day. Just easy chemistry and found each other very attractive.

Then Wednesday he decided to come up to visit for a few days, which was quite a feat for him because he had an arm in plaster and couldn't drive so it was a fair schlep for him and a four hour trip as I live quite rurally and nowhere near a direct public transport route.

He came anyway, and got a hotel nearby but never ended up staying there. It was just instant chemistry when we met. The first kiss was one of those kisses that makes you completely dizzy. He took me to lunches, dinners, romantic walks. We watched videos and he held my hand. The perfect three days!

He also came to a work even with me on Saturday morning instead of leaving and met a couple of my friends which I thought was very sweet. When he came he'd got me a silly, sentimental but really thoughtful gift too. The sex was great, the chatting was easy and we were laughing the whole time.

However, he left yesterday morning and I have hardly heard from him since and I felt a bit rejected. I did get a text on the train down to say he was a bit sad to have to leave and he needed to get his arm better so he could drive, then after that nothing.

I know he was out Saturday night with friends he had not seen in a while, and he did post to my FB page (liked all my photos, made comments etc.) and then sent a drunk message late at night saying he was sorry but he was drunk with lots of kisses.

I am not sure if I am being completely paranoid, but while things look very positive in some aspects, I was also disappointed that he did not call or text me more than he did last night and also that he's not set up anything firm to see me again.

I was wondering if seeing me in the flesh was a disappointment for him.

Am I paranoid?

Please don't tell me to ask him, because I think he is a slow mover and any questions like that he'd find offputting.

Not felt like this since I was about 17 and am not sure how to handle it at all!

You sound like me and my ex too. Which I posted a thread here about, but it has been good, even though it stinged a little bit, if I am absolutely honest with you. The advice from the ladies were harsh, but it was true too. I still keep in touch now and we are in another place altogether. I think it is best to take it easy. Even if you like him. Just do not exaggerate too much on how much you do like him. Do express your feelings, do not suppress it. I think this is important to be honest. I used to suppress too much, which I realised now in hindsight that it did not give the message that I liked the other person. I thought that they would know.

To me, it sounds like your guy is doing the actionable things to show you how much he likes you. i.e. integrating you into his family and friends, that kind of thing. I also did this too with one of my ex, and found out pretty quickly how silly I looked when things fell apart. Whereas with my ex, he told most of his family already cos he was SO happy about us. I only also told a handful of my family members too. But not too many people, until I was certain of where I was with him too.

I would just take it easy, and slowly, and figure out where you stand. Let your feelings come forward, and just know what you like about him, and what little bits which may be annoying, but continue to look for the best in each other I guess.

The other thing is, do not let your working life affect how you guys are with one another. Do put in the effort etc. As it develops, then this is important as well. Cos if this is a long distance relationship by the sound of things, then it can affect both of you a little bit. Just enjoy this honeymoon stage now.

I do think that OD can turn you into a pick up artist, PUA, as it is so called. I think I am a bit like this too, but I do try hard now to ground myself in order to find the best compatible partner. I hope it all turns out well for you.

(Note: One test which worked for me, and I came to realise this as well. Although the ladies had been harsh here online, I came to realised that the guy I was seeing, my ex, was quite close to someone that I can be long term with. Which is why their words stinged less than if it was the wrong guy. I didn't feel as hurt as I would have normally.)

O The Rules has some very useful advice to get you through the minefield of online dating and texting. Saves all the heartache and weeds out the time wasters. Worth a read, especially when you see the amount of threads upon here that are full of angst about women wanting to make the first move with men or over texting and oversharing. Teaches you to pull back and wait. Never hurts to have a read.