Help - husband

[sykes]

Redundancy is rather failing into insignificance -update on that later if anyone is interested. But my h has just sent me an e-mail asking if I want him to come back. HELP, HELP, HELP.

Could you just leave him a message saying 'let's make an arrangement to have a talk next week?'.

If you are interested in exploring this seriously, enough to find out more about his own motivation etc, I don't think you should play deliberate games in order to 'punish' him - but I do agree that he needs to display considerable evidence that he is pro-actively wanting to re-make a relationship with YOU.

go and enjoy your weekend first

Okay, off to a meeting in a minute. He's sent me another e-mail asking if we can speak today. I intend to reply saying I'm in a meeting and busy for most of the day. I think we need to discuss things in the right environment - ie, no children and not in a work environment. I need this weekend to clear my head but would meet him to talk next week. What do you think?

Good idea sykes. Completely agree, that's what you should do.

I think you are right. I dont see the urgency to speak NOW

brilliant sykes. Have a great weekend

Excellent idea

Just sent the e-mail. Mobile phone turned off and think a friend is coming round this evening. Can't unplug landline but can tell who's calling so can ignore him. Will log in later. Thanks for everything etc.

Hi sykes, I was just catching up with reading this thread, intending to post saying don't get back with him until he a) undergoes counselling and b) dates you and works at building the relationship as if it were first time around.

Then I read your post of 10.12 and see you have already decided to do this.

I think you are being totally sensible and don't need advice here! Well done.

Thanks, Janstar, but really value your advice.

Sykes, it is fantastic that you sound so together about this. Playing it cool is a really sound move. Obviously you don't have to answer this, but do you still love your H?

well done sykes.
sykes, I don't believe in conducting relationships with intermediaries, but I do think that it would be very useful and helpful to you to know what his situation is in BEFORE you see/talk to him. ie what has gone on with the girlfriend? did they split up? what were the circumstances? Is there any good friend of his that you trust who will know what happened, will tell you, and who you trust enough not to run back to your h saying "Sykes was pumping me for information"? Just a thought. I know I'd want to have the facts before they were presented to me by him, if you see what I mean. hugs.

sykes, you seem to be handling this perfectly. Not rushing things, meeting to talk with your husband when you feel ready, and your ideas about how he'd have to prove his commitiment to you are spot on.

Years ago, pre children, something similar happened to me. I did get back together with a much loved ex. It took lots of time and I had lots of anger to let out, but he realised this and we managed to work it out, so I just wanted to let you know it can happen - though I know lots of times it doesn't work.

Agree with princesspeahead. If you can, get a friend to suss out the situation with his girlfriend - even if it's just finding out what he says to other people about things. What version of his story is he telling to other people? I had friends who did this for me. It was confusing at times but on the whole it helped.

I was obsessed with getting a clear picture of what was going on - I couldn't take my ex back till I knew the truth. This culminated in me fixing a meeting between me, my ex and his girlfriend (didn't tell my ex or the girlfriend I'd invited each of them along). I got us all together in one place and then asked my ex to explain to both of us what he wanted. I felt risking their anger was worth it to know the truth. It was.

Thanks, again. Well, h is going to stay with mutual friends this weekend - I'm going to Brighton with my best friend to get drunk, buy sun glasses and shoes in no particular order. I spoke to our friend last night and he is going to suss the situation out. I trust him and his wife implicitly and other friends will also be there who are also wonderfully good friends so I should have a better idea of just what's going on by Monday - am I just completley irresistible or is he just a complete t*sser. Mmmmmm. About to revive Brighton thread.

They're also god parents to our dds so understand hte enormity of the situation.

Have a great weekend, Sykes.

Make sure you you go skinny dipping, fall over, and throw glasses of wine over men. O.K.

Skinny dipping in the English Channel, in March?

She will need a beer coat and a half.

Mmm, I must be careful not to peak too early - ie, plastered by 2pm running riot with a credit card wearing a kiss me quick hat or whatever they're called. How quaint - am sure things like that have been relaunched as something slightly more obvious.

Get a tattoo one with swear words in

He's just e-mailed me asking to meet next week in London - given me three choices. How kind. Feel like telling him to f off.