Help - husband

[sykes]

Redundancy is rather failing into insignificance -update on that later if anyone is interested. But my h has just sent me an e-mail asking if I want him to come back. HELP, HELP, HELP.

mmmmmm i'm thinking. It's not that bad to give you my email now is it, i block everyone

Anyway my messenger address is the same, through contact another talker

I've sent Janh an email, is she about?

I have contacted you too, its a race. She does have "real" friends, and your one of them Beetroot. She will appreciate it x

Unless i'm kidding myself too

Phew, Sykes, this is a stop-everyone-in-their-tracks situation, isn't it?
If it was me, I would first of all meet and find out what has prompted this on his part, and THEN use the info to assess whether i actually did want him back or not. I wouldn't think about whether I wanted him back first, because then there would be a risk of 'hearing what I wanted to hear', if the answer was 'yes'.

I think you mentioned that he was having problems with gf. I hope he isn't using you as a fall-back, too panicked to strike out on his own. Has he dumped her or vice versa? you don't want to suport him through the end of a relationship with HER.

Anyway, that's all pretty obvious, and you have had loads of time to know your own mind - and him and his ways, so really, all I have to say is take care of yourself and lots of support for whatever decision you know is best for you.

I think if he wants you he should be single for a while. Find out if you say no whether he will stay with her. If thats the case he's still a coward.

I've put you on my messenger, have the address, you just have to turn it on

I agree with bugsy first - he has to work harder than that ffs! And PPH second if you did want to reply to his email tomorrow. Sorry, I know this is all very after the event, he really is a piece of work isn't he? Good luck with sorting out how you feel about this.

Hello, thanks for all messages again. Well, he came back last night .... Joking ..... he phoned me on my mobile and I turned the phone off - just couldn't reallly talk to him - and I also unplugged the landline after talking to a few people. Anyway - he had replied to my e-mail of yesterday within five minutes saying Yes he wanted to come home and could we meet that afternoon to talk. I sent a message today saying I was rather busy. So any advice on what next? I'm very worried about another failed attempt and the impact on the girls and me. I have NO idea why this has happened - guilt/has she kicked him out? If it has any chance he certainly can't come home until the end of the year and I'm worried htat he really doesn't understand to any degree the impact of what he's done.

Ha ha sykes re he came home! I think you did absolutely the right thing. He does need to a) understand the impact of what he's done and how it's affected everyone concerned b) truly want to come back for the right reasons (those NOT being that she's had enough of him) c) work very hard to prove all of this to you and be sure he's back for good and won't do it again and d) a lot of begging and grovelling is in order too I'd say but only if ab and c are fulfilled.

sykes, dont know what to say - hope you are ok? I wouldnt just let him move back in, he has to work ALOT harder than that

Sykes - What a sh*tbag he is!!

I think you really need to establish his reasons for wanting to come back... if it's purely coz things aren't working out with the new bird then he should sling his hook! But then again, if he has left her and realised his HUGE mistake then PERHAPS there is something worth working at.

Talking to him face to face is the best way. You can see his sincerity then.

BUT.... is he still with his GF? If so, if you don't take him back is he just going to carry on with this other woman?

I really hope this goes the way you want it to, but I'm very cynical about his reasons for the change of heart..... You've been SO strong and are doing so well getting your life back together..... the question is.... do you want to risk this happening to you again?

Dating sounds like an excellent idea. Make him work for it. (If you want it.) (Do you want it? Find out who he is now first.)

Thanks. There's NOT even the remotest possibility of him moving back in until very late this year if at all. He would have to a) get his own place b) start slowly dating me again c) prove he realises quite what a bastard he's been d) convince me (HOW??) it won't happen again and take responsibility e) engage in counselling with me and maybe on his own. If he can't stand on his own two feet then it's pointless - I'm not engagin in a game of emotional tennis. Am going away with my best friend this w/end - he's taking dds to mutual friends for a party. Despite him having known the friends since university they have refused to ever have anything to do with his gf and have offered him support but constantly told him what a t*sser he's been. I think it will be good for him to go to stay there and good for me to get gloriously drunk in Brighton. Should I speak to him before this?

Excellent Sykes! You've got it all sussed out.

No.... don't talk to him about it.... let him sweat it out whilst you're away having fun!

YOU GO GIRL. do you want to speak to him before? or just forget about it until you get back?

Excellent plan, Sykes. Have a good time in Brighton!

HAven't decided whether to talk to him or not before I go. Think not most probably as fancy a completely indulgent w/end of drinking far too much etc and can just imagine boring myself and my friend stupid (who is lovely so wouldn't mind) about the pros and cons etc.