5 non negotiables

[nocturnal123]

When you were looking to start a new relationship did you have 5 non negotiables and did you stick to them ? eg new person must have a job

Caring / kind
Articulate
Creative
Faithful
Shared sense of humour
My intellectual equal
Knows his way around the kitchen
Financially independent
Not a "blokey" bloke
Sexually compatible

Reader, I married him!

Oh and I forget perhaps the most important of all: emotional intelligence!

Bitoutof I did say 'not sexually selfish', which for me is the same as good in bed :)

People change over the years though don't they? I am really into voluntary work and quite liberal and altruistic in my approach to life (sorry, sounds smug ) - I met my DH through volunteering and for many years we did similar stuff together but he is now less and less interested in that sort of thing, and his political views have seem to got more to the right .

We've been together a very long time and of course have lots of history so I am not going to LTB and we get on in a laid back sort of OK way . I am equally sure he is probably a little disappointed in the person I have become.

My five (this is hard)

1. Shared beliefs on the whole (religion/politics/attitude to money/non-racist/non-sexist) and actually walks the walk as well as talks the talk

2. Not abusive - emotionally& financially as well as physically.

3. Compatible in bed (not selfish, relaxed attitude, similar sex drives)

4. Intelligent, curious and enjoys the same sort of activities that I do, on the whole

5. Kindness. To me. To other people (the waitress test).

This is reading an awful lot like research to me!

What are you writing OP?

Crumbs, mine are not like the others! [been married happily for yonks]

1.Trust. No good if you cant trust them

1. As near to no lies told by him as possible. He got there in the end!

1. Fidelity - I told him right from the beginning, that if he didnt do that, I was off out the door.

1. Not to mock christianity.

1. Keep swearing to a minimum.

No addictions.
No young children (teenagers or older okay).

1 respectful

2 honest

3 kind

4 emotionally and financially available

5 chemistry/attraction

No pets - I know this is contentious but I am not an animal lover so it would be almost impossible to have a relationship with someone who wanted a dog or cat. .

Actually my DH would like a dog but I am quite clear that if he gets a dog I shall be leaving - he may choose the dog.

new person must have a job

It's nice, but it still doesn't mean they won't walk out of it... :(

I didn't have, but I think I have now. Still, not sure if 5 cover everything. Will have a think.

Open minded
Sense of humour similar to mine
Responsible
Self sufficient
Reliable
Selfless

Are the first that come to mind.

Financially available sounds great!

Hello, thank you for your replies. I am not doing any research. I wanted to compare my 5 with other 5's, to see if my 5 non negotiables were similar to others. We are all individuals, so I guess we all have slightly different 5 non negotiables...

Non smoker
Honest
Single
Attractive
Selfless and adventurous in bed.

There are other things such as gsoh and caring.

Also to put me first after his own children, oh and not wanting children as that is out of the question for me.

I wonder how the list would read the other way round? I wonder how many men judge women on being solvent, hard working and their job prospects.

Must add to mine that their hobby isn't a life style thing and doesn't rule their life, ie must watch 3 football games per day or play golf all weekend every weekend. Hobbies are good but balance is better.

Independant - financially, domestically (knows how to clean/cook/wash) has own friends, hobbies, job etc

Open minded and tolerant - non judgemental and accepting of others religions, sexuality, race, gender. Are prepared to admit they are wrong and are genuinely curious to discover others view points, experiences and resulting actions.

Kind - to everyone! Incl. children, the elderly, animals, uniformed staff. Supportive of mine and others choices

Sense of adventure - wants to experience new things eg holidays and days out.

Must want marriage and at least 3 more children (I have one DS with XH)

And 5 things I will not tolerate:
Selfishness
Critical
Sulking
Temper
Ignorant

Sexual
Kind
Sense of humour
Financially independent
Attractive

Independent mindset and curious
Tolerant of differences
Kind
Good listner
Solvent

I started off with fairly low standards, so mine were;

• mustn't lie
• mustn't cheat
• mustn't take all my money and never pay it back

-must be nice to me

• must make me laugh

I was incredibly lucky, and if it all went wrong with DH tomorrow, I'd set my standards an awful lot higher.