Engagement Questions - Man in need of help!

[ItsASecret2013]

Hello lovely ladies of Mumsnet,

First of all, I hope I've posted this in the right place?

I'd also like to say, after reading this forum for a couple of weeks, I'm pretty ashamed to be male after some if the things I've read. You're all doing a smashing job with juggling the busy mum-schedule with the complete f**kwits that it would seem most men are!

I planning on popping the question to my lovely girlfriend, and would really appreciate some help...

The ring has been selected and I'm going to buy it this week, it's a princess cut stone, on a white gold setting, with smaller princess cut diamonds on the shoulders. It's a bit over budget at £4,700, but it's so beautiful I couldn't resist :)

My questions are more based on the actual proposal, should I take her away for a short break to France, or a romantic meal in the Uk? Do I ask her parents for 'permission'? Do I get on one knee? Public or private place?

I'd like to pop the question before we holiday in September!

Help please :) x

I am very shy. My DH proposed at the restaurant where we had our first date.

It was brilliant. When he made the reservation, he told them we were getting engaged, but that we did not want any fuss. They seated us away from the majority of people there (they had an upstairs balcony, put us up there overlooking the main restaurant) and were very discreet, only coming to the table when necessary. He proposed very quietly across the table.

I would have been very embarrassed by the down on one knee, even in private.

He also bought the ring (has good taste), but had not had it sized. So I had my ring at the proposal, then returned it to the jeweller to be sized properly. If I hadn't liked it, I could have chosen another at that point.

Sounds all a bit elaborate to me.

Keep it simple. A friend proposed to his GF on a favourite walk of hers when they stopped to feed the ducks. Totally unexpected and she had no idea it was coming.

If you are going to do it in a public place, then please make sure you know the answer will be yes. If she's shy, then it will be embarrassing enough having people watching, without the added pressure of feeling you have to say yes.

4K is a lot of money, especially if it's something she may not like. Don't be fooled into thinking the price tag will instantly make her like it. I'm sure most women would like to choose their own engagement ring.

My dh picked my ring and had it with him when he proposed. He actually proposed earlier than he was going to as we were away and was afraid I would find the ring. I wouldn't have wanted to shop for the ring after the proposal. For me, him picking it makes it more special. The proposal was very quiet, no fuss which suits me. I have a friend who is a bit of a princess as she calls herself and would love the big public gesture. We are all different. You know her best but as she is shy I would stay away from a big public proposal.

Good luck

However you propose, DON'T do what my DH did and propose while wearing mirrored sunglasses. Attempting to look into the eyes of the man you've just agreed to spend the rest of your life with and instead seeing the distorted reflection of your own makeup free and slightly sweaty face (we were in Greece, it was VERY hot) isn't really the kind of lasting memory a proposal should generate.

You sound excited! Jewellery is very personal, but the ring you have chosen sounds classic and timeless and it's highly likely she will appreciate the gesture of you having thought about and planned the surprise.

It might be wise after the proposal to very humbly offer for her to choose an alternative if she prefers. Although if she wants to marry you a haribo chewy ring wouldn't put her off saying "yes"!

As for the proposal, I think most women don't expect a grand gesture, and probably wouldn't choose one either!

You will have an engagement story to tell for the rest of you lives whichever way you choose to pop the question.

Having discussed marriage and agreed that it was something we both wanted, my husband waited until he felt the moment was right and just asked me, really simple, really lovely! We happened to be at the train station reunited after a weekend apart, we hopped straight into a photo booth and had the picture made into stamps for our invitations.
We have our story, you will have yours!

How exciting!!!

The dress and shoes thing too is a definite non starter.
I think every item of clothing I've ever bought for a woman, I've always had to keep the receipt because they've always took it back and swapped it for something else. (although if I've been bought a jacket or jumper and I say I don't like it, I'm an ungrateful bastard. And that's different though)

Is this an engagement with a definite view to getting married soon in the next couple of years, with agreement on both sides ?

Or is this a very long engagement with a view to possibly never getting married ? (although over the years you may get married if circumstances change)

Some people have different views about what engagement means

Sorry, but how is that relevant to the proposal?

As you can see, don't listen to anyone.
Spend however much you want to spend, buy the ring you think she might like and propose however you want to propose.

It is YOU that's the proposal, if she's excited about getting married, audience or no audience she won't care.

I can guarantee you won't have much say when it comes to the actually wedding (they tend to sort themselves out).

DH did it in the bath. We were sharing a romantic bath; candles, rose petals, bubbles, shloer (don't drink), music. I was leaning back against him and then out of nowhere an open box appeared over my shoulder and he said into my ear "will you marry me?"

Would something simple, and romantic like that work? Something she'd like?

Sorry, if you've already popped the question or choose an idea. Haven't read the thread yet! :)

Buy a £10 ring from M&S to propose with - I'm sure she would like to choose the ring and you have a healthy budget!
Suggestions:
Top of the Shard
Middle of Severn Bridge
The scene of your first date
Take out a full page ad in a newspaper you know she reads
Get a sky writer to spell out your proposal
Run an ad at the cinema
Print it on a T shirt
Spell it with refrigerator magnets

Good luck and let us know!