How much did your Mum 'help' you with puberty?

[inforapennyinforapound]

Just had my Mum here for a week and been reflecting on how I think my parenting to my 2 dds differs from her parenting of me and my DB.

I've been thinking through a few things that I realise now my Mum never ever spoke to me about and trying to work out how much of it may be generataional.

I'm 35 and my Mum is 65. When I was growing up she never, ever spoke to me about puberty, didn't explain periods to me or ask me if I'd started them, never took me to a shop to be fitted for a bra (I think I grew up stealing her bras?!) Never ever told me about the facts of life (though did consent to me being taught about it in school).

When I was about 15 had a brief dalliance with bulimia which she found out about (can't remember how, I certainly didn't tell her) and she told me off then never, ever spoke to me about it ever again.

Just extremely uptight about everything to do with being a teenage girl, basically.

I always assumed it was normal, but my DDs are only 6 and 3 and I realise already how much more open I am already about this stuff I am with them than she was with me.

If you're a similar age - was this just how it was in the 80s? Or is it my mother?!

Is all that normal, to be so 'uptight' about

My mother told me nothing about periods, growing up or sex... I was 15 in 1988 & pregnant!

Did anyone read 'Forever' by Judy Blume? I still can't hear the name Ralph without giggling to myself

homesforsale

I read the Hite Report at University. It changed my life. I still recommend it to people

I didn't get any help.
Nothing.
She did take me to buy a bra but she told everyone first so when I got back I was met with a living room full of my sibling's friends taking the piss out of me.

So that was nice.

Whilst she was buying me the bra she took the piss out of me too. I remember the shop assistant being really kind to me and trying to stop her.

Oh Devere. That's crap

Dever -that's bloody horrible!

My sister took me, I can still feel the embarrassment at getting undressed in front of her.

My mum was pretty 70's hippy open about everything- nudity, sex etc. I don't remember ever being told about it all, just always seemed to know it. similarly, I have tried to answer my kids questions with as much info as I thought they could comprehend at the time, so we have gradually built a discussion about sex/ puberty etc which anyone can (and do, frequently on the way to the work, for example!) add to / ask about at any time. my mum always felt if you were old enough to ask, you were old enough to know.

Having said that, she wasn't much cop when it came to bras etc- I was flat chested, and she laughed at me when I asked about a bra (all the other girls in my class were getting them. I ended up going myself and buying a bra in poundstretchers (still feels a bit cringey!) DD1 is 10 and some of her friends are starting to be a bit more developed, although she is flat as a pancake. She wanted a bra for the days she went swimming so she could be like everyone else, so we went to Markies and got some nice wee bra tops and a 28AA (which is still too big for her!)

I remember my mum telling me (when I complained about sex being crap with my first boyfriend) that I needed to learn to 'take care of myself' and then I would know what to expect, so pretty open yeah!

I cried when I started my period, was still in primary, hated the whole bloody thing! Not mums fault though.

I was born in 1966 when my mum was 40. I was the only kid in my year not to be given permission by my parents to go to sex education lessons in the last year of primary school (I had to sit in the library and do a project on birds instead ).

The others were obviously instructed not to talk to me about it and so, when I started my periods aged 10, I was absolutely terrified. I remember running to my mum and all she did was hand me one of those awful sanitary belts and a few enormous pads!

A bra just appeared in my drawer one day soon after (I think it must have been one of her old ones because it was huge!).

As for sex, the one and only time she mentioned anything pertaining to it was when my parents dropped me off at University for the first time ever and left me with the parting words whilst gesturing to between her legs 'Don't let any boys touch you there'.

I think all this behaviour 'unsurpressed' me

I got the Usborne book too. And my mum
was a nurse so you wouldvd thought id have got a talk! My mums a similar age so I think its a generational thing. I don't think id feel embarrassed to talk to a young girl.

Mine was fab actually - it was odd because in many other ways she wasn't. However she always answered questions straight with no fluffing around and was always open about bodies, nakedness etc but not embarrassingly so IYSWIM! When I started my periods she gave me a bright pink scarf of hers I coveted (it was the 80's after all) because I was "a woman now!" I was so proud. She also helped me with the practicalities of dealing with menstrual flow and never had issues with talking about sex - which obviously I never wanted to do. Even now we have quite graphic chats about childbirth, menopause, contraception etc.

God, my mum said v loudly in Dorothy Perkins, "Do you need a BRA then?" Only conversation we ever had about it IIRC. Said that tampons meant I would lose my virginity and still refers to periods as "the curse".
I am v happy that my 8 and 9 yr old DSs have been told enough about sex to say "Urgh, that's disgusting, I am NEVER doing that!" . They also both firmly believe that they are in the middle of puberty...

My mother is 74. She never said a word to me about puberty, my period, boys, sex, dating, getting married someday, getting a bra (a classmate told me about them and that I was overdue to be wearing one), shaving, or anything about anything really. Nothing.

Op - my mum was pretty much like yours - gave me a couple of books to read but said nothing. I read it all up in the library! One day I muttered something about needing a bra - a couple of days later one appeared on the bed, no measuring or discussion on the matter.

I think my mum was very good in some ways. She's just turned 60, FWIW.

I was mildly anorexic in my teens, which I suspect my mum knew. I weighed under 7 stone at the lightest point, so not a huge problem but not terribly healthy at 5'4 either. My mum tried quite hard but my dad told me later 'well, we wondered but I decided that you just liked being nice and slim'. My mum did let my brothers make fat jokes about me at this point, and I do remember being upset they did, and her saying I was being silly. But I don't think she would have realized this as being part of puberty at all.

She talked to me a lot about having babies, and periods, in a very matter-of-fact way. And she was completely ok with tampons and told me they were very useful, so I had them from the start.

She was less good on realizing I might be embarrassed by not having deodoran/anti-perspirant or a razor. Until I was 18 and left home she always acted as if shaving your legs or armpits as a bit disgusting, and she still believes anti-perspirant is horrible. She did send me for a bra fitting, but she didn't know you got much bigger later on (this one not her fault - I think she didn't until she had babies!). So I had appalling backache aged 17 or so, then realized the 36A bra I was wearing needed to be swapped out for a 34D.

I do hope I'd do it differently, but it obviously wasn't easy for her - I know how my gran was with her!

She said....

If you see any blood on your knickers make sure you tell me. I told her whilst in the bathroom. She went hold on came back opened door and threw in a one of those massive fanny pads and a clean pair of knickers.

That was it

My dd told me what sex was at the age of 5.... I told her 'yes, that's exactly what it is. ' she had a brief giggle then forgot about it... A complete contrast to the shame/ us borne book of facts of life etc.

Judy Blume taught me more than my mum.

My very down to earth and kindly rabbit breeder neighbour showed me bunnies mating. So I had some idea. Although I spent years thinking the biology books had it wrong. I thought daddies mounted mummies from behind but all the books showed missionary. I did get baby bunnies out of it though.

And first bra shopping was horrendous. I got taken to a shop that sold old lady type nighties and had a battle axe of an assistant who shouted my teeny tiny size across the whole shop before producing hideous massive strapped OXO bras. I wanted a trendy cartoon charecter bra. Plus my very old fashioned granny and bratty little teasing brother came along. The whole experience scarred me for life. And i spent months having to change for PE in the loos as i would have been crucified for wearing granny bras.

i didn't tell my mum I'd started my periods after that. I ignored the jumbo pack of sanitary pads in the bathroom and filched money from the housekeeping jar
to buy tampax with. Thank god for those freebies school gave out or I'd have had to wander about in my leggings looking like a tellytubby.

i will NOT be like this with dd.

My mum wimped out too. Jury Blume was also my saviour.

All my mum said was that my aunt had become pregnant without even having sex. This gave me hang ups for years.

I let my baby down.

My mum told me nothing, sex and periods were not to be spoken about. She couldn't even bring herself to use the words towels or tampons, they were referred to as "things" in our house. I hope I'm much more open with my girls.

Lol my mum's sex advice was "keep your knees together"

[shocked]

My mum told me everything about the age of 9, and then I became the Claire Raynor of the playground as no one else was told a thing. I remember her standing in Boots with me waiting for a perscription and telling me all about the condoms on the counter in front of us in great deal. She took me for my first bra (in Mackays!) when I complained that my chest was sore. She bought me sanitary towels and was very open. However, I do remember saying I was going swimming and she was quiet shocked I was using tampons and told me they were better for once you were married!

She's in her 60's now and I'm in my 40's. I am very open with all my children and they know they a nan ask me anything. I also have had to teach sex ed to numerous classes over the years so I don't really do embarrassment.

Bloody autocorrect and also never read a Judy Blume book in my life - I must have missed out! I went straight from Enid Blyton to Joan Lingard