Dh being horrible to dcs

[Edenviolet]

I don't know if he's tired, fed up or if its due to being in pain but dh has been absolutely horrible for the last few days. I need to write it down just to get it all out as there is nobody I can talk to.

Dh decided the other day that me and dcs need to change our surname (we didn't when got married two years ago) dd got upset and dh shouted at her why does she want to keep a pikey/gypsy surname and then kept shouting potatoes and Tarmac at her.
Today he threw away the rolls for dds dinner, claimed he didn't realise they were new and screamed at me to bloody get over it and dd could have something else to eat.
He has just reduced dd1 to tears as she hadn't tidied her room and then did the same to ds1.
He is in a foul mood but I don't know why and I really don't want to be around him.
I don't know what has triggered this nasty and very childish behaviour.

Well, the only way to find out is to ask him, as gently as you can. People are fully entitled to be tired or fed up but bullying his children and reducing them to tears, or shouting at you for shit that he's done is just unforgiveable.

a 'pikey' surname? wtf?

is that supposed to be persuasive in some way? seriously, no matter what his problem is, says something pretty vile about his basic attitudes, eh?

He's behaving like a cunt. No excuse for that.

That's really nasty. To be honest, I don't think it matters what his problem is, being vile to his children in this way is bullying and unacceptable. I think the reason he's fed up is irrelevant.

I'm just so confused as to what has triggered this foul outburst and childish behaviour.

He seems angry about the surnames but we were not together when dd1 was born so she had my surname, we had three more dcs and he was fine then about them having same name as me and dd1 as we were not married. He's angry with dd1 as she didnt want to change her name when we got married in 2012 and she was tearful about it so we didn't but suddenly its a big deal to him.

It does seem to coincide with him being in a lot of pain due to a bad back and knee dislocations but he is being very spiteful and upsetting all of us.
I just needed to get it down somewhere rather than it going round my head as it was making me annoyed and upset.

Honestly, Hedgehog, every few months you have another thread about your DH. How he won't let you work because he needs the break from the kids, how he gives away all your money to his family, how he's not pulling his weight, how he uses the motability car to get to and from work so you don't get to use it for the people in the DCs with mobility issues.

Seriously, what does he bring to this family?

Sorry, that came out as much too brusque. Please don't be put off posting.

But there's a serious point there too...

How is DD's insulin pump working out?

Why should 4 people change their names to his? Tell him if he so badly wants you al to have the same name he can easily do something about it: change to yours!

Vile behaviour, the things he was shouting. And not just to the children, he is clearly prejudiced and bigoted.

Dd will get her pump in June so hopefully that will help her a lot, we had to transfer hospitals as the old one had a year waiting list.

Money problems etc are resolved now, its just these issues dh has from time to time where everything goes wrong and he seems to be angry with everyone and everything. In between he is lovely but this time he's really hurt me by saying such awful things to dcs.

He should value dd1's view to not wanting to change her name. It's her name after all!

He's damaging them. That's the issue. I'm so sorry.

I think he should change his surname too!

After the dinner incident I went out for a long walk. I just couldn't be near him as didnt want to lose my temper around dcs. He was just so cross with me. I hadn't done anything, he had thrown the rolls away!
Poor dd was upset as I'd been telling her all the way home from Pilates that she could have her favourite and he had thrown it knowing full well it was her dinner???
I had tried beforehand to bath and feed the other dcs so he didn't have to do anything except look after them but he managed to throw away something we needed and dd2 had a hypo. Ds1 hadn't been allowed to watch his Sunday night tv prog that he loves (catchphrase) an I returned to dh being horrid. Very Jekyll and Hyde at the moment .

You are still with this twat then. That's not a question.

That's how I feel, AF.

You are always on eggshells around this 'man'... Whatsoever the point?

It is hard to explain and probably not helped by the fact I post about all the bad things and very few good things about him.
He does do a lot with/for dcs and can be very nice but then the episodes like we have had recently are horrendous. Its as if he makes such an effort then for whatever reason gets fed up about the situation and acts like a complete idiot for a few days then the cycle begins again.

He isn't a good father

Good fathers are consistent and make their children feel secure

Your children will look like they love him. They will love him, but it is fuelled by fear and insecurity, never knowing if they will get nice daddy or cold daddy and never quite learning how to behave so they get the one they want.

That's not healthy. It's not a life they deserve. It will fuck them up, like you are fucked up.

True Anyfucker. Currently my problem is needing help with dcs care, he does so much during the nights that for the time being i feel I just have to put up with the situation and hope that in the near future things improve enough for me to contemplate where to go next.
After that I imagine we will go our separate ways and hopefully he will continue to help a lot with dcs.

Until then I feel like having a rant now and again lets me get it out safely instead of arguing with him and adding that to the dcs problems.

You might feel safe right now, but your children do not.

Doesn't matter how 'lovely' he is the rest of the time he is being abusive to your dc. You shouldn't minimise that. He threw away his daughters dinner that she was looking forward to? He wouldn't allow his son to watch his fave prog? He made fun and belittled their surname? I don't care if he's mother Teresa the rest of the time- he's acting like a cock and you should accept it.

If your daughter is old enough to express an opinion about her own name, then of course she shouldn't be pressurised into changing it. It's her name.

I do hope that things improve when your bairn gets that pump.. once that diabetes is more controlled it might help the stress on your family.

I'm not going to comment on your dude.. there's no point.

• shouldn't accept it- obviously!!!