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Original poster

Am I being gaslit.....gaslighted......whatever?

90 replies

neiljames77 · 11/05/2014 09:43

When I split with my wife, I took only the things I thought I needed. Clothes etc. There are other things that I didn't need urgently though. One of them is the little pouch you get with your car containing the manual. It was tucked away in the back of a cupboard in the kitchen. It never gets moved or disturbed. For that reason, I keep my passport and driving licence etc in it because I know it's safe. I turned up at the house yesterday and it's gone.
I asked her if she'd seen it but she said she doesn't know what I'm talking about and she thought I'd took it with me. She's a really poor liar though. She said she'd have a look for it and let me know if it turns up. Is this gaslighting?

OP posts:
Original poster
neiljames77 · 11/05/2014 19:43

Haha!! Why?? It's going to cost me over £100 to replace that stuff!! Smile

OP posts:
HeartHotWaterBottle · 11/05/2014 19:56

It's the idea of you stuffing your preciouses into your man cupboard, not taking them with you when you left, and then doing a comedy double take when they you went back for retrieval and they'd vanished - retracing your steps and patting around the place in confusion...

I am sorry, £100 down and this will all be forgotten.

FolkGirl · 11/05/2014 21:17

Could you have put it somewhere else absent-mindedly?

When my exH left he had a similar dilemma and accused me of all sorts. I found his folder with his driving licence, passport, certificates etc in the garage on a shelf where he'd decided he was going to keep it from now on.

If things are generally amicable, it would be a bit of for an ex to do something so vindictive that was guaranteed to cause a major problem.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 11/05/2014 21:29

It's been in the same spot for the last 10 years FolkGirl.
I suspect foul play.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 11/05/2014 21:32

Wel in that case, you're probably right.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 11/05/2014 21:38

She probably thinks I'm going to embark on a midlife crisis, buy a sports car and go to Magaluf.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/05/2014 21:41

Aren't you ?

FolkGirl · 11/05/2014 21:50

Why did you seperate? (feel free to ignore!)

I just wondered if she could have reason to feel aggrieved.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 11/05/2014 22:10

We got together over 20 years ago on looks alone. Really shallow. Kids meant we had a common interest. They're adults now and we realised we had nothing in common at all.

And no, I'm not having a midlife crisis thank you very much!!!!! Grin

I drive an 8 year old Renault!!

OP posts:
Lweji · 12/05/2014 06:59

I don't remember the split being so amicable that she wouldn't mess with it.
I'd probably go round the whole house and mention that I'd report it stolen. Perhaps it will miraculously how up again.

BluebellTuesday · 12/05/2014 07:14

Twenty years, which you say was based on looks alone? And then that you only stayed for the kids?

Ouch. If she asked you to come back, does not sound like she agrees with your assessment of the situation.

Get new documents, reconstruct the service history, and keep walking. Leave her alone and get on with your new life.

mammadiggingdeep · 12/05/2014 08:08

Sorry Neil this made me laugh. Sorry.

Ps- if you DO have a mid life crisis- buy the sportscar but don't go to magaluf...make it Ibiza, do it in style!

Pps- hope you find them, lets hope it isn't a vindictive move on her part :(

mammadiggingdeep · 12/05/2014 08:10

Pps- just read the 'looks alone' bit. If you told her that then yep, I imagine she's binned your documents.

Eekaman · 12/05/2014 23:56

When you next go to the house, find her passport and DL, bin them = feel better. Simples.

:)

LineRunner · 13/05/2014 00:01

Amicable my arse...

Original poster
neiljames77 · 13/05/2014 03:32

Well it WAS amicable.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/05/2014 03:50

Have you had a row about this ?

Original poster
neiljames77 · 13/05/2014 04:03

No, AF. We didn't. I just squinted my eyes and looked at her suspiciously and said, "I wonder where it's gone?" :)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/05/2014 04:13

And what did she reply

Original poster
neiljames77 · 13/05/2014 04:29

"Wasn't me. I haven't moved it" was muttered as she walked away without making eye contact.

OP posts:
doziedoozie · 13/05/2014 06:12

So it was on looks alone and now, sadly for her, she's lost hers so you are offsky. Or is it you who has lost it?

Gosh, if you had DCs together and bring them up successfully, that is a major life event. Can't believe you are brushing things aside so jauntily.

You are prob lucky it is only passport and DL.

MushroomSoup · 13/05/2014 06:51

Now I'm single there's nothing stopping me going on holiday with my mates.

I bloody hope that means that you don't mean "she's got the kids so she'll just have to manage for a fortnight, I'm single now so I just rock up when I like I see them"...

AnyFucker · 13/05/2014 10:29

I don't think this thread is going in quite the direction you expected, neil

HauntedNoddyCar · 13/05/2014 10:35

Mushroom he said the dc are adults

HauntedNoddyCar · 13/05/2014 10:39

Oh and I agree she's binned it in a moment of fury.