Passive aggressive dp re me going out

[HelpMeGetOutOfHere]

Am I the only one this happens to?

I don't go out a huge amount once every month maybe even once every two months, each time my partner says yes that's fine (I'm not asking permission, just being courteous and making sure no clashing of plans) but then on the day starts being difficult. The silent moodiness almost sulking, comments made about me jumping and running at the beck and call of my friends.

He doesn't really go out, he says if he's going out he prefers it to be just the two of us, whereas I'm ok with that most of the time but occasionally I want to go out with my friends.

I'm dude to go out this evening, we were supposed to be going for cocktails and I've already said I'll drive so that I don't drink and can get up and take p out fishing tomorrow (he doesn't drive and tbh getting rid for a day is lovely) but I've come home from work and the school run, he's just got in and is now sat on the sofa with a face on and refusing to engage in conversation. I've asked what he wants for dinner as cooking for the dc and offered to get him and ds1(17) a curry as I'll be eating out but I'm just getting grunted at and it puts me on edge.

I don't want to go out feeling like shit because we've had a row or wondering if he'll still be in a mood when I get in.

I'm aware that I'll get a flaming and ask why I'm still here. He never used to be like it, we have children and generally a good home life but he's turning into his dad!

I meant to add, I left before my dd got to see it, a twisted cycle broken hopefully.

I suggest you do some serious research into how you would end this relationship. EG can you chuck him out of the house, or would you prefer to take DC and move? If the DC are his he will have to pay towards their upkeep. I'm not saying leave/chuck him out tomorrow but it's worth knowing all the facts, because a man like this (and yes, he is abusive) will come out with all kinds of crap when dumped - about how he will take the children, report you as an unfit mother, never give you a penny, etc.

What do you think would happen if you said to him 'I am tired of you being a prick about me having a social life. If you do it again, the relationship is over.'

Well I've carried on doing my own thing today. Albeit only doing the food shop, taking ds1 to football, ferrying the dc about and a trip to matalan.

I'm home now and the house is spotless that's how I know he feels bad. I've not acknowledged it though as I don't think doing the housework warrants comment or a well done. We both work full time so it should be shared.

He said something about he's sorry and he's jealous that I get a social life and he doesn't. Well that's his fault not mine. He has friends who go out, we live within walking distance of 3/4 pubs/bars so no excuses re needing bus or a lift or costing a fortune in a taxi. It's like because he's happy enough to stay home and just be with the family that I should be too. Generally I am, but I do need that escape every so often.

I've marked my night out in June in big red letters on the planner.

For now I'm going to make sure that I go out when I want to as long as it doesn't effect family finances. And I'll play it by ear.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I'll report back.

You seem to have a plan. I agree with the people who have posted previously that he is being abusive and controlling. He punished you by instigating that argument over something minor (you picking up your kindle and not being in the mood for sex) when you had been so adamant that you wouldn't let him spoil your evening.

Both DH and I are introvert home bird types. So we do spend a lot of time together. But if an opportunity that one of us would enjoy comes up, we encourage each other to go for it.

DH is being very supportive about me planning a trip away with toddler DS without him to visit friends and his mum even though he'd love to go, its not practical. I struggle with anxiety so it is a huge deal, a big adventure and challenge. It would have been so easy for him to talk me out of it, but he is encouraging and supportive and has more faith in my ability to do it than I do!

So yes, I can understand him being a bit of a 'home bird' introvert type who prefers a quiet night at home. But that doesn't explain or excuse him trying to control you and make you feel bad about your nights out. He doesn't think you are an equal human being who is allowed your own life outside of his own desires.

"I've marked my night out in June in big red letters on the planner"

And he will punish you in some ways (note the plural, that is deliberate) for that as well.

I knew he would try something like that as well when you returned home.

Do not sleep on the sofa (apart from anything else it will give you back problems); if anyone should be sleeping on the sofa it should be he.

You need to be rid of him and soon before he drags you further down into his pit; this man has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Did you take him fishing?

No I didn't. He didn't a ask either.

Good for you. Make sure you book a few nights out over the summer, not just the June night.

Good luck xx

My dp is the opposite. He hasn't got many friends where we live and my job doesn't finish till midnight, I always invite him out but he always says no as he has to be up early with his job and time to himself on the weekend. My weekends are midweek so he doesn't mind me going out and when I come home I sleep in the spare bedroom not to wake him. This bothered him but I said I only do it not to wake him but he said he wasn't bothered. Guess im a lucky one!