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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

online dating - how long to meet up?

82 replies

Sassy777 · 08/05/2014 13:52

Met a really nice guy online dating a couple of days ago. Been emailing and now texting loads (even texted me when he woke up this morning) but neither of us have suggested meeting up yet! My friends keep telling me to wait for him to ask as he might think I'm too forward if I do it... I just want to meet him and see if the chemistry is there in real life like it is online...

OP posts:

youmakemydreams · 12/05/2014 17:44

If you only sent then today give him a chance. God if everyone that sent me a whatsapp deletes me because I'd read and not replied I'd have no friends sometimes I have time to read but don't have time to type out a reply.
But I do also think this is a good lesson in why you should meet up quickly though. You seem to be pretty gutted over someone you haven't met because you have invested so much time in texting him.

Original poster

Sassy777 · 12/05/2014 17:46

I know. Loser right?! Yes, a good lesson.

OP posts:

itwillgetbettersoon · 12/05/2014 17:53

Blimey sassy perhaps he is busy. I've made arrangements to meet up with guy this Saturday and having texted quite a bit over the weekend I'm really not planning to spend ages texting him this week. I'm like others I don't try immediately reply to texts - can be a couple if days especially as you are not friends yet.

I think you should have waited until wed morning and sent quick text to see what time you are meeting up. If he doesn't reply then delete and move on.

Original poster

Sassy777 · 12/05/2014 18:03

Bugger!!! Will he be able to tell I've deleted him from whatsapp?

OP posts:

youmakemydreams · 12/05/2014 18:33

Not a loser we have all done it one time or another.
No you should still show up on his because he has you on his contact list so you shouldn't disappear. I have a friend who regularly deletes whatsapp entirely and still shows up. If he dis you could say you deleted and reinstalled whatsapp because it was playing up?

JeanSeberg · 12/05/2014 18:54

Gosh relax, what's with all the angsty checking your phone, has he replied, timing how long it's been. Not to mention calling him a fucker.... You've not even met him yet! He's entitled to chat to who he wants and so are you.

You need to change your mindset with regards to all this.

Original poster

Sassy777 · 12/05/2014 18:57

Yes i know... maybe i'm just not ready. i split with my ex of 11 years last summer. it was very painful...

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 12/05/2014 18:59

If he worked a nightshift maybe he was asleep? Crikey - calm down!!

JeanSeberg · 12/05/2014 19:00

I can't blame you, I'll never go near OLD again. Too much of a head fuck.

But keep yourself busy, chat to a few guys at the same time, meet up with as many as possible for a coffee and don't get obsessed with checking your phone every two minutes. Be a bit aloof and hard to pin down.

Wait and see what this particular guy does about Wednesday. Have you agreed on the time and place?

Original poster

Sassy777 · 12/05/2014 20:23

He wasn't asleep - I could see he was 'online'.

But yes I do need to calm down! Can't believe how much I got to like this guy. He sent me over 100 texts though...!

Yes all arranged for Wednesday afternoon for coffee.

OP posts:

PlantsAndFlowers · 12/05/2014 21:37

I would still assume it was on.

If not then 8 months on from a 17 year marriage is no time at all, maybe he likes you but isn't ready. That's why you need to meet quickly so it doesn't start to take on too much significance.

Original poster

Sassy777 · 13/05/2014 06:14

He just messaged me to say he's met someone else!

OP posts:

mumster79 · 13/05/2014 06:22

You're well rid!

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2014 07:08

Oh that's a shame. But better to tell you now. Next!

Writerwannabe83 · 13/05/2014 07:10

He sounds like an idiot!!

Like another poster said, my guess is that he's married and he's doing all this as some sad way to boost his ego.

JeanSeberg · 13/05/2014 07:21

He was honest at least. You can't expect someone to not chat to other people or meet them just because you've arranged to meet for a coffee.

Sorry it didn't go how you wanted, perhaps it's not for you as you say.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2014 08:58

Why does he sound like an idiot?

wannaBe · 13/05/2014 09:19

I don't see why he's an idiot tbh. He's doing online dating, starting to chat to someone doesn't commit you to them - it just means you're chatting to someone. I wouldn't have assumed he was chatting to no-one else at the same time or that there was a chance of meeting someone else, and he was honest about having met someone else as soon as he did - he could easily have met up and played the field for a bit longer.

I'm sure there are some idiots online (both male and female) but to assume he's married and cheating because he says he's met someone else is a bit of a harsh reaction.

Original poster

Sassy777 · 13/05/2014 09:24

I actually don't think he's an idiot. I'm just glad he was honest.

OP posts:

TheGirlFromIpanema · 13/05/2014 09:42

This is why you should meet up asap if you like the sound of someone imo.

He may well have been chatting to more than one person the night he was messaging you all evening and met up sooner, is all. I used to spend an evening chatting on-line with 3 or 4 people (OD is a numbers game) and if I met up with one the next day who I then planned to see again, I would tell the others I had chatted to that I didn't now want to meet up (if that had been discussed iyswim).

Don't take it personally, and don't be coy about meeting up. Long protracted 'chats' usually end in disappointment to one of the parties involved. Its just how it is.
Don't invest too much emotion/time/energy in anyone you have never met!

Writerwannabe83 · 13/05/2014 10:05

I think he's an idiot for leading her on. He knew what he was doing by sending all those texts, making the OP think he really liked when really he probably never had any intention of meeting up.

I can't see that within 24 hours of arranging a meet up he has "met someone else" that suddenly obliterates the intense and ongoing 'text relationship' with OP

I may be wrong of course but that's just my take on it.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2014 12:30

I assume you've not done much old wannabe. Like the other posters have said, it's normal to be talking to several people at once. The op has been pipped to the meeting post. This happens. At least he was honest.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/05/2014 12:33

I have done lots of O.L.D - well, do you class 4 dates as a lot?

I met my DH online too

BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2014 12:37

No, I don't count that as a lot tbh. I don't think this bloke has done anything wrong. In fact, by being honest upfront, he's been more decent than most.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/05/2014 12:44

I guess I just got lucky then

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