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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

apparently i should get a job, but i dont want to. so what sort of job can i get??

82 replies

stitch · 27/08/2006 22:40

dh is always tellinjg me tog et a job. because apparently i sit around on my arse all day and be a parasit to him.
my family think i should gte a job to get my confidence back and showw him just how much i do at home. etc.

i used to teach. but really dont want. also, i dont know about taking orders. and office politics. and what can i do anyways. i dont want to teach. i went to university and am numerate, used to be computer literate, but now all my it experience revolves round googling and mumsnet.
any suggestions?

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 27/08/2006 22:43

What are your interests?? What kind of environment do you want to be in.
You said no to classroom.
No to an office, would you re-consider depending on the size of the office/number of employees??

1Baby1Bump · 27/08/2006 22:47

if i was you, i wouldnt be able to get a job coz i would be in 'nick doing time for murder if dh called me a parasite!!

fuzzywuzzy · 27/08/2006 22:50

Also upon re-thinking. I suggest you demand a salary for all the household tasks you do do. You're not his skivvy, being a SAHM I take it you do the housework, the cooking, the childminding. Look up the going rate for all of the above and ask for back pay.....

Original poster

stitch · 27/08/2006 22:51

fuzzy, im a bit of amess righ tnow.
apparently i used to be a sophisticated person. now im a sahm who is a useless wife and mother. dh is so so so nasty to me all the time. and in the past i have been nasty back to him, but definitly nothing worth the stress he has put me through. and the hatred he is putting me throug h right now.
i dont know what interests i have. been out of the work scene for so many years, having babies and taking care of them. so he can do his high flying money earing.
he is also sideling me. takes the kids to his mothers house all the time, without me. and thne takes them out without me. and then goes out with his friends, again without me. i was dealing with it all, till i had conversation with sister. she thought she was supportive but i wish i was still ignorant of how crap my life actually is.

OP posts:

sansouci · 27/08/2006 22:52

Temping is good because you don't sign up for anything long term & is also a great way to show dp how much work you actually do at home.

moondog · 27/08/2006 22:53

How old are your children?
Maybe a job really will do you some good and cheer you up?

It is a sad fact that sahms are not valued in the same way as people who go out to work.

I certainly feel it.

Original poster

stitch · 27/08/2006 22:53

if i could rewind time, i would go back and lose the tiny tiny battles i won, so that i wouldnt have lost the war.

OP posts:

bamik · 27/08/2006 22:54

Hi Stitch,

Do you have any children? Mortgage? Who pays the bills? Or does DH salary cover all?

Are you in a comfortable financial position. I mean do you HAVE to work?

If you don't have to then what do U do all day?

Ulysees · 27/08/2006 22:54

think you have more to worry about stitch than getting a job Sorry if I'm out of turn here hun but he's appaling to you. Do you think he enjoys making you feel so inferior? Is it a power kick with him? If you try not to react how does this affect him?

fuzzywuzzy · 27/08/2006 22:55

Will he refuse to pay maintenance for you if you have money of your own??? I mean will he start to expect you to pay and buy for all things to do with you and your children??
Leaving him free of responsibility???

sansouci · 27/08/2006 22:55

Stitch, it sounds like you need to get out of the house & get your self-esteem back, you poor girl! It is so hard to stay at home so give yourself a break & go out to work, even part-time, meet people & have some interests (you'll find them as you go along!) & friends outside of the home.

Original poster

stitch · 27/08/2006 22:55

i was thinking of temping as well.
and he doesnt do office work on mondays so on those daays he would have to take care of the kids. god knows what he would do the rest of thw week. probly make me pay for everything then.

i need to stop crying and find a job.

OP posts:

SherlockLGJ · 27/08/2006 22:55

Stitch

Only you can fix this.

We had this conversation at the C'mas meetup and here we are having it again 8 months later.

How old are your children ?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/08/2006 22:56

Oh Stitch it sounds like you are having a really rough time

I don't know what to suggest with regard to a job, but i suspect that whatever your choice, it might not be good enough for certain folk.

Have you thought about going into childcare provision, or a part time admin/reception type job to get you started?

harpsichordcarrier · 27/08/2006 23:00

god stitch he sounds a total twonk
I would try registering with some agencies or at the job centre, but tbh it sounds like your problems go a lot deeper.
I think with this constant battering of your self esteem it will be hard to find something you want to do
is there someone you could talk to?

Original poster

stitch · 27/08/2006 23:00

thank you all for being so kind, and not giving me the usual pat answers.
dh pays the mortgage and the bills. about 18 months ago i worked out that a full time nanny would cost two grand a month whilst my take home pay as a techer would only be one grand. six years ago that s all it was.
dh give s me 200 a month. that and child benefit. otherwise i use a credit card in my name that he isnt paying off. i buy things like petrol, groceries and kids stuff on it. he is only paying the interest. so i guess the answer is that i dont have to work .
self esteem is the issue, and that is why dsis says i should get a job. but she also pinted out things i wasnt even aware of. and i just wish she hadnt. ignorance can be bliss.
i have three kids 9 5 &3

OP posts:

serenity · 27/08/2006 23:00

stitch, what kind of teaching did you do? Could you do one-on-one tutoring?

And can I just say, over the many years we've both been on MN, never have I wanted to call your DH an arse more than now.
So, Mr Stitch - you are an arse, and if you don't sort your crappy attitude out soon, my greatest wish is that Stitch dropkicks said miserable selfish arse out on the street where it belongs.

sansouci · 27/08/2006 23:01

What really matters is getting some self-confidence. Doesn't really matter what you do for the moment, so long as you enjoy it (more or less). even if it's boring and/or you're over-qualified for it.

Ulysees · 27/08/2006 23:03

Are you being given enough money here? I suppose it can depend on where you live but I'm a sahm and I'd be struggling?

If you're ok financially why can't you just get a hobby? Surely working with 3 young kids to look after is going to be hard. I know plenty who do it but it isn't a picnic.

Original poster

stitch · 27/08/2006 23:04

lgj, that is my life .... round and round in a circle. things have gotten worse since then, and better and now worse again.
at the moment he is giving me a lot of aggro, but i am not falling for it. i keep a smile on my face, and stay quiet all the time he is yelling and screaming at me. what ever he says i agree with, and it is driving him mad. for example, yesterday i agreed with him that i was a failure as a mother, and he was right and i was wrong. gets him to shut up faster, and i dont end up as upsset as i would be if i tried to stand my ground. i then proceed to do what i was going to do anyways. iyswim.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/08/2006 23:05

What did Sis say stitch?

SherlockLGJ · 27/08/2006 23:08

Stitch

Do you know what .................

This guy is such a bully, I really thought he was your DH in the Admission Impossible programme the other night.

He was a controlling Fucker, who coached the eldest child, 3 hours a night every night.

And the Mother was pretty, and dark haired and silent.

Reminded me of your sitch.

SherlockLGJ · 27/08/2006 23:09

Of your situation, though obviously I was wrong.

fuzzywuzzy · 27/08/2006 23:10

But Stitch you cannot go on like this. Neither of you can.
Is there any way you can get some kind of mediation or something, is the reaso nyou married him still there....I'm still aghast from your other post, that he took your anniversary present back off you....

Original poster

stitch · 27/08/2006 23:10

ulysees, im not being given enough money, and that is something i am very concerned about. i have a good lifestyle financially, but also got about 3 grand in credit card bills in my name. which he should be paying but isnt. and the cards shouldnt be in my name in the first place. they should be joint as i am spending on house and kids.
i would love too kick him out serenity, but he wont go. also, im an arse as well. every time he shows me the tiniest smidgeon of love, i remember how much i love him

OP posts:

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