Total red flag and I know it

[Fairyloo]

Single and feel so alone. My self esteem has been on the floor for years. I have no respect for self and desperately want a relationship.

Met someone and he is a dick and I know it but can't stop myself seeing him.

Some examples are:

He is single but literally only invites me round for an hour for sex. He literally kicks me out after.

The disregard he has for women describes someone 'as the fat one'

He wants me to have a threesome and literally won't stop going on about it. Like I'm never enough.

He gets very rough during sex. The other day I said something and he mock slapped me and said font ever fucking do that again.

Then last night I made a joke and he text me saying

Don't fucking talk to me again! I fucking mean it!!!

Then when I said it was a joke he text back saying,

I know it was a joke but as punishment you can't speak to me all night

Also he has said he has taped me begging for it (he says) and if I end it he will put it on Facebook

I know I know I know he is an absolute knob but I love the attention and the sex is absolutely fantastic.

I know I'm better then that. I know I deserve a better relationship but in scared that this is all I'll get,

I've known him for a couple of years we do a joint activity in which he is highly regarded in and there was never any evidence of this atall.

Please help me to see the truth in the relationship

Where has OP gone ?

Perhaps she's at work AF?

Oh please get away from this creep!

Imagine if you got pregnant by him and had to deal with him for the rest of your life...

That thought alone should have you running for the hills!

Tell him it's over, and get out of a relationship that shows any of those signs again.

As dwinnol says, sounds like a D/s thing gone wrong. For a start there is no respect on his part at all. He is not a dominant, he is a prick. You will find someone far, far better than this guy.

Delete his number and change yours. Block then delete him on Facebook. Does he know your address?

I know I'm better then that. I know I deserve a better relationship but in scared that this is all I'll get

You are better than this.

You do deserve a MUCH MUCH better relationship - but you won't find one while you are involved elsewhere that is for sure.

Scared that this is all you will get? What are you getting exactly?

Being single has a lot going for it!!! This guy isn't in a "relationship" with you - he fucks you when he fancies it and he enjoys humiliating you. HE is NOT in a "relationship" with you.

Block him, never contact him again, be single until you meet a proper man who can treat you with love and respect.

Chin up OP - and have a big hug tooo!!

Thanks everyone

The replied were really harrowing and the kick up the bum I needed.

I have blocked and deleted and feel slightly relieved but also a bit sad because I'm ridiculous.

Love to all

Well done! Now go and treat yourself x

Don't feel sad. I doubt me and you are the only two who have been ridiculous over a man.

Remember we're here for you when you feel tempted to reply to him.

Well done!

Your absolutely not ridiculous, you have stood up for yourself and what you deserve for the first time in a very long time. That takes guts!

Now please talk to your gp about some counselling. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and you need to put steps in place so your future is bright and happy.

I really wish you well, I'm glad the replies helped even if it was hard to hear x

Oh my goodness. Please leave this guy immediately. He is only going to make your self esteem worse and you are also putting yourself I danger. He is clearly a complete idiot and a nasty piece of work. I suggest you get out with your girlfriends/family and seek counselling through the doctor. Get another hobby and do not contact him again. Please do this for yourself.

Fairyloo - well done.

Please, please don't call yourself ridiculous.

Many people posting on this thread will be doing so with the wisdom and experienced gained from being in and then freeing themselves from a horrible situation, which in hindsight, and had they had th strength at the time, they would never have got themselves into.

The important thing is that you took stock, realised, checked and have taken action to rescue yourself before it goes any further.

You are NOT ridiculous.

Brace yourself though, because he may well try and get you back - either with promises and sweet talk, or with threats. He may try to get you to justify your decision and then argue that your logoic is flawed - just remember 'NO' is all the explanation that is needed. You do not have to justify your decision. Don't talk with him, don't see him, no texting, avoid places you know he will be.

You have found your strength - use it - and good luck to you.

Great news. There's nothing wrong with fancying a shag with a non-marriage worthy partner, but mutual respect is the absolute baseline.

YAY OP!!
Ah well we all do silly things - most important is your wised up and moved on!!

Go you - now you can do a happy dance too :)

Well done, OP. You got yourself into a ridiculous situation but you are not ridiculous. You deserve kindness. That can be found within a relationship that includes domination etc but the key thing that this twat was forgetting is that respect has to come first.

Now please, stay single for a significant period of time while you seek help to find some respect for yourself or else you will jump right back into another fucked up scenario.

Oh OP I am so pleased to hear that. Well done. You are NOT ridiculous - you are a strong and clever woman who has broken a cycle here. You saw the problem. You sorted it decisively. You can be proud of yourself and I hope this is the start of a much healther cycle for you from today

Fairyloo,

I think I went out with this same guy once! He is an ass who clearly seeks out women with issues to use and abuse.

When I was with a man who treated me like this I couldn't see how awful he was, even when I could I still wanted him. It really wasn't about him though it was about me and my terrible self esteem. I basically hated myself and on some level wanted to be treated like that as a kind of validation of my self image. I also felt that if I could only make him change, save him with my love that too would be a validation. I honsetly used to day dream about cleaning his toilet!

Anyway, you need to stop seeing him altogether and if possible seek therapy for self esteem issues and get ok with just being you and your own. When you get to that stage which might take some time then you can look for a relationship with someone who treats you well.

I'm glad you have finished it - you aren't ridiculous at all. You saw what was happening and you knew it wasn't right. I'm sure if you want to talk here, people will listen and help you get over it. Well done.

You are NOT ridiculous! You are fabulous! Too many people hang around trying to make shitty relationships happen - you've been brave enough to cut it off once you've seen the warning signs.

It's fine to feel sad, as well as relieved, but please don't feel ridiculous - that's far from true.

Sorry if the earlier replies felt harsh, I for one have been taken advantage of by a fuckwit manipulative bully when in a vulnerable place and I'd hate that to happen to anyone else.

Fairyloo - I'd suggest getting on a reputable dating site & getting out and having a bit of fun to help you get over this & help you see that this toerag is by far not the only option against feeling lonely & unloved.

Really glad you saw the light. Was thinking about you today at work and hoping you could get yourself out of this. Well done and big hugs to you. :). Do not go back, not for any reason you hear!!

So glad you have cut him off.

NOW is when you start building your own power back up.

I was in a similar situation in my teens.

Don't be fooled into thinking that any woman would fall at this man's feet if he wanted them too (that's what I thought about my abuser.) I felt that 'other women' would weave a magic spell where he felt like he didn't want to humiliate/abuse/blackmail/threaten them like he did me and all I had to do was 'change' and then one day he would treat me well.

The fact is, he goes for people like you. He handpicks the ones with low self esteem. Normal, well-adjusted women do not even touch him. He is a total, utter, raging wanker of the highest order.

Well done you! Now you have split from this tosser you have a window open for a non tosser.
if you treat yourself as a temple others will come to worship. You need to respect yourself and have a self respect or all you're going to do is attract people who won't.

I know it's not popular, but I found the book "the rules" a good way of shifting my perspective when I was in a cycle of accepting crap. (as long as you don't take it word for word!)