Ex won't accept it's over

[blueeyedmonster]

How can I get him to? I'm not going to take him back. Ever.

How long was you with him for? How long have you been separated ?

14/15 years. I broke it off a few weeks ago. He won't leave the house either (joint ownership).

Do you have children ?

With it being only a few weeks ago he might be finding it hard to digest. You might have to leave yourself. Has there been any abuse? Can you afford to move?

Lots of questions !

Yes two DC. I have absolutely nowhere to go. He can go to his parents but won't. I can't afford to move either. I only have a small pt job. He's rather EA.

If your ex is civil and not pestering you, it could be as suggested he is coming to terms with what's happened.

If you are continually bothered or disturbed or worry he might force his way in, I should keep a diary and log any harassment with the police. You're not wasting police time; most forces have specially trained officers to deal with dv incidents - not that it has got to that thank goodness - and they could offer advice.

Have you considered contacting Women's Aid, perhaps they will be able to discuss getting an injunction?

Is he trying to get you back or is he anxious you might block him from seeing the DCs? (Not saying you'd do that).

Sorry he is upsetting you. Whatever prompted you to call it a day, I am sure it wasn't a spur of the moment decision.

He's been trying to get me back. Stopped on Thursday but from the way he's been acting he's not finished with that yet. It's almost as if he hopes I'll just give up and slot back into the relationship.

He's not left. He's still in the house. This would all be a lot better if he had left.

He also swings between ignoring me, being civil and swearing/mimicking me behind my back. That's nothing unusual. In fact its tame really.

Apart from telling him it's over, what has changed?

But he's joint owner he's under no legal compulsion to go,you both sell and split proceed
If hes a abusive tell police note dates,and specifics

He's sleeping on the sofa, doing his own washing,cooking,cleaning,ironing and shopping. This has been forced on him by me. I have stopped doing it all so he has had to get on and do it.

I know that, however it seems a little odd that he expects me to uproot the children with nowhere to go. I'd get no help from the council as I'd have made myself homeless.

You both need to sell and split proceed.why should he move out home he co-owns

I'm not sure why you feel he should leave. He has as much right to stay in the house as you.

Thanks but I've asked for advice on how to help him accept it's over. Not my housing situation.

I think you have to make moves to sell the house, show him that you are serious.

Being jointly owned we have to agree on that. He won't talk about what we need to do as he's refusing to listen to me that I am ending it. Hence my reason for starting the post.

Hmm. Perhaps seek legal advice on your options?

You said you want him to move out?no reason as co-owner he should
So you both sell up,move on
Hes inconvenient to you,but not abusive.

When asked. He is emotionally abusive.

Op I would try and see a solicitor as soon as possible and find out what your legal options are. I would also speak tonyour council about rehousing. I left my exh a few years ago, he was also highly ea, and I did get rehoused by the council eventually but i had no kids and was able to stay with friends and family. Youbhave children so will be a higher priority than I was. Please try and talk to them and see what your options are.

As for getting him to accept things are over I am not sure you can other than by taking steps to separate. If he refuses to discuss then there isn't a good way to go aboutbit unfortunately. How many bedrooms does your house have? Can some of the kids share temporarily so that you can move one/other of you into a separate bedroom?

If he is already cooking etc for himself this may force a bit of a wake up call?

Hope you get some help and good luck!

Have you told his parents so they could exert pressure for him to move in with them
Present it as best for Dcs situation until house is sold or things resolved

You can go to court to force a sale...

I don't think anyone's meaning to be unsympathetic in saying he has a right to live there. What they mean is he has a legal right to, which, I believe, is no more than the fact of the matter. If he's emotionally abusive he's most unlikely to suddenly decide to do the decent thing; if he were decent he wouldn't be EA, would he? It's not in his interest to accept that it's over between you. So you do need to look at other options. Refusing to cover his domestic chores will help, but it's a bit of a long-haul strategy - he might put up with it for months or years, meanwhile pressing every button on the console to try and get you to back down. (Been there - two years of it - only got the bugger out by selling the house. It was no fun.)

Thank you. I'll ring council this week and see what they say. I've been told I might be put in a hostel or similar. Might not even be in my area. This'll be awful for one dc.
I am going to arrange one of those free meetings with a solicitor this week also. Thank you where

I haven't seen hi mum for ages. He hasn't told a soul and it's not really up to me to tell them I don't think.

I agree it is best for the children.

I would rather not force the sale of the house. I can go to court and get short term residency for me and the kids where we are. But I do want to avoid court etc if I can.

You are helping him hide from the truth by not telling people though op. I don't think it's your job to tell his parents but I would start telling your friends and family and jot keeping it a secret should anyone ask (includinghis parents).

I would also start uo a contact schedule and tell him that the kids need to get used to mummy and them time and daddy and them time etc so if you have friends / family locally could you stay overnight with them for one night a week and maybe a weekend here and there?