Ex won't accept it's over

[blueeyedmonster]

How can I get him to? I'm not going to take him back. Ever.

I know. I'm in a bad place right now and know that legally he can stay.

Annie unfortunately I think you may be right. I'm hoping for him to do he decent thing but he won't will he? He's spent most of his time trying to wear me down.

A couple of friends and my parents know. I have asked them not to mention anything. I won't do that again.

Good idea thanks where I'll say about that later .

Not telling anyone just allows him to believe it will all go away and you can slide back to "normal."

If the relationship is over you need to sell and both relocate.
Much as you want him to move out as coowner hes not compelled to,and unlikely to
So be proactive and sell property.then youll be physically and mentally apart

Scottish it's not as straight forward as that though. Both parties need to sign to instruct and estate agent and solicitors in order to sell. If he isn't accepting that it's over he isn't going to agree to sell and a court order can take years especially as they are reluctant to grant them these days (am trying to get one for my exh at the moment)

Op- definitely stop telling people not to say anything and start being more open about the split. As crass as it sounds if you have facebook and have your relationship linked, consider breaking it or change to separated. It sounds like it's going to take a sledge hammer to get through to him!! Stop wearing your wedding ring, engagement ring and any other jewellery that was bought for special occasions. Take down wedding pictures, and tell the kids! They will be picking up on it all so they need to know.

I do understand the process,and i think they both need to sell and move on
I dont think its reasonable to expect him to move out,hes co-owner.
And its an uncomfortable dialogue that needs to be had as the relationship has broken down

You are missing the point of the thread Scottish she knows she can't force him out but had hoped he would do the decent thing. She is asking how she gets it through to him that their marriage is over

Im not missing any point,she wants him to leave.he won't.they need to sell
She hasnt to,d folk theyve split up.thst needs to happen.sensitive discussion with kids
And tell all other family,friends etc.and see a solicitor about trying to sell and negotiate split

The decent thing isn't him leaving.hes coowner.it would suit op immensely,but not him
the adult thing us both sell,split proceed and try to co parent in amicable manner
That is decent

What would get it through to him would be to begin the legal process to officially terminate the marriage and also to physically seperate.
It may be easier for him to think he can ignore it all, wait it out and you will slip back into the relationship if you wait and hope he will do what you feel is the decent thing instead of forcing it by taking advantage of the legal options available to you.

Given that he apparently doesnt want to 'do the decent thing'i think you have to forget about waiting for that and deal with his actual current behaviour.
Sorry you are in this position. Must be hard all round.

Him moving out isn't decent thing,its a disadvantageous thing for him.advantageous for op
Tell the kids,sensitively that theyre separating.prioritise their feelings
Tell family,friends,school and initiate paperwork for house sale

I said what the op FEELS is the decent thing and also the words in '' Responding to ops turn of phrase not personally labelling it as the decent thing.

Yes,i get that.and i see op had some support in this notion
Certainly its advantageous to op,but disadvantageous to him

Yes. It is.

Thank you scottish for being concerned about the unfairness to my EA ex. He's a big boy and is stubborn as a mule so I'm pretty sure he will make my life as difficult as possible to make it all fair for himself. Why should he change a habit of a lifetime?

I actually want to sort it all amicably but it seems that won't be happening.

I will be seeing a solicitor asap.

In answer to your question - to make him see it really is over you need to see a solicitor and file for divorce.

Perhaps taking him to court to force the sale will also make him see your serious? Stand up to him! He doesn't control you !

Be strong

Thank you. I'll see what the solicitor comes up with when I visit.

I'm being as strong as I can ohdear. It's hard and pretty scary at times but I hope I'm slowly showing him he can't control me anymore.

Not knowing your nor him,i have no preference.i am clarifying he is under no compulsion to leave
Mn relationships threads do often dish out a skewed perspective,change locks,make him leave
You two needto try amicably manage a deteriorating relationship and tell your kids

Yes Scottish, but if he is making an uncomfortable atmosphere in the house (mimicking, ignoring, arguing etc) is that best for the children? No. In all honesty, the best thing for the DCs would be if OP and exP could live separately as soon as. OP has stated that she has nowhere to go with her DCs. That is why OP and others think that if OP's exP cannot be civil, then he should leave, for the benefit of all involved.

OP, unfortunately some people refuse to accept things they don't want to accept. I'd advise seeing a solicitor to get the ball rolling re house share and separation. Might go some way to making him realise you're serious. Good luck OP.

inthenorth he is indeed doing those things. Tbh I have taken to ignoring him so as not to inflame the situation. Especially around the children.

I'd love to do it amicably but I don't think k that will happen.

Thank you, I think I'll be needing that luck in bucket fulls.

At least if you ignore him the you can hold your head up high blueeyed, even if it does make you want to strangle him (speaking from experience!)

I'm sorry, but in my experience, if somebody struggles to accept a break up then it is usually not amicable. I hope it is different for you. You always have this thread to vent on if not

Yes they need to crack on with house sale,and telling children theyre separating
And perhaps best theyll achieve is distant relationship under same roof
Im not disputing how fraught this is,but he is coowner and if there not corroborating evidence of abuse to remove him from his home,he can as coowner stay

Discussion of decent thing,well its meaningless in reality,as its disadvantageous fir him to leave.and i imagine subjectively he'll not consider it the decent option

Ffs Scottish change the record. You have repeatedly said the same thing and frankly I think everyone is bored of reading the same post over and over again.

If you think its inappropriate post,report it.Otherwise i wont be moderating my response.
This isnt a complicated issue,its a fraught issue. So tell kids,see solicitor,sell house
To date op hasn't told kids,hasn't seen solicitor.this needs to happen