Advice Appreciated

[Cherrypopsickle]

Married 2 years, dated 12 years beforehand. Just had first baby, who is only weeks old.

Hubby has had friendship with girl in his workplace for good year or so. Now left workplace, but maintains friendship. I was aware of this, knew they texted each other and thought they occasionally met up.

Hadn't really been worried, but concerns growing. She visited the house at the weekend to meet baby, slightly overstayed her welcome. Just found out hubby met up with her twice over the week, after the weekend visit.

He didn't mention to me. Had opportunity to, but didn't.

When I asked him direct, he admitted they met for coffee twice. He said its friendship only, but will stop meeting her if I ask him to.

I feel really deflated. Not sure if I'm being paranoid.

I trust him, I don't think anything is going on, but have an uneasy feeling about her.

Help...?

No, not paranoid.

Some of this could be just random, but not two meetings in quick succession on the sly.

And I think it's very unfair of him to say he'll stop if you want him too. It might be better to sit down and keep talking about where you each think boundaries of friendships actually lie and how to make sure your marriage comes first. This matters.

It doesn't sound good. Sorry.

I wouldn't forbid anything. Let him do what he wants. Basically give him enough rope to hang himself with. Don't try to be the perfect wife or to beg him to be faithful or honest with you... let him be who he is, and watch carefully.

The more you say, the more you'll play into his narrative that you "just don't trust/understand him" and that will solidify his choice to stray.

I'm sorry this is happening.

If you've got a baby who is just a few weeks old , I think it's very off that he's meeting her and not telling you about it. Shouldn't he be rushing home eager to see baby instead of meeting up with her for coffee ?

I would have a talk about boundrys and what is and isn't appropriate in your marriage. Ask what he thinks is ok , and whether he would be ok with it the other way round.

There isn't necessarily anything 'going on' and I think that it is unlikely she would come and see the baby if there was.

But I'd be pissed off in your shoes. Maybe he thinks that while you are absorbed in the baby, you have less time for him and he gets some lovely undivided attention from her. He probably genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with it, but his place is with you.

When does he meet her? Is it at lunch or after work?

Your instincts are there for a reason, trust them....

Speak to him about this. Tell him it's making you feel uneasy. and then check his text messages

You have a very young baby and no doubt feeling quite vulnerable as new mum 's often do.
It is very off your dh meeting up with this woman in such quick succession. Really why is it necessary?
I think he knows he is out of order. This needs nipping in the bud quickly before their friendship escalates.