MN Jury decision required please

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

My exH left about 20 years ago never to be seen again. So I'm clearing out an old bookcase and find a decorative little prayer book with a hand-written message in it from his much loved late Granny, presented to him on the occasion of his confirmation. (BTW Anyone making 'aawwww' noises can leave now) I have no idea what to do with it.

Do I

1. Chuck it on the fire and risk the wrath of Granny/God/Tooth Fairy?
2. Donate it to the charity shop?
3. Keep it?
4. Find his address (no idea where he lives) and send it back to him?
5. Find the address of one of his less odious relatives and send it to them to pass onto him?
6. Something else? (Feel free to be creative)

Finding this book may be a test of your will power and self control. What would you do ? Have you let go ? Even if you do a 5. It is not the end of the world, or to wake up the giant again. Cos the emotions should have been washed away by now. As it has been 20 years...

Do the right thing and not overthink, and then it may release any hold of the past on you.

5

CogitoErgoSometimes - I understand that you've totally dissed my idea of reading it but don't be so hasty.
This could be a road to Damascus moment for you.
I suggest you stand at the front of a crowded bus and hold the book in one hand, hold your other hand up pointing your index finger to the ceiling and read extracts out to your fellow passengers. I think they'll find it most engrossing.
Let us know how you get on.

What... and lose my regular spot at Hyde Park Corner wearing a sandwich board saying 'Repent, the end is nigh'?

Just a thought, if you send it to him or a relative, would he see that as either a sign that you still think of him or a sign that you want to get in touch?

Imagine what you would think if he sent you something belonging to you 20 years later. Would you just think, 'oh I'm glad I've got that back' or 'WTF is he up to'?

I would (5) - post it to the less-odious relative, but without a covering letter. Let them figure out what to do! That way you've done the Right Thing (IMHO) without risk of icky thank you note, or anyone attempting to analyse why it's suddenly turned up, etc.

Good luck with the radical new look - sure it will look great :-)

Send it anonymously, and leave it at that. It clears your conscience, and without any forwarding address etc. Weird, but still. Conscience intact.

5 is the benign, decent option, Cog.

I'd just stick a little note in the envelope to say you found the prayerbook during a sort-out and would appreciate it being handed back to [exH's name].

It's off your hands, not your problem anymore.

I wouldn't give it a moment's thought about who reads what into the action. It doesn't matter, you'll likely never know who cares Onwards and upwards, as they say.

Job's a good'un.

I suddenly remember... I did a similar thing for my ex years ago, I found a bunch of old exam certificates in a big envelope.

I did your "Option 5", never heard back, but it felt good not to put them in the bin, because they would have had some intrinsic value to him, whatever I thought of him not a lot

Send it to UKIP, using their freepost address.

Don't waste another moment of your precious time on him. Bin it.

"...a sign that you still think of him..."

Probably. One of his many and varied character flaws was his narcissistic ability to analyse the fuck out of everything ("what does it all mean???.... to me????") usually over a few bottles of scotch, usually depressing everyone in close proximity in the process...

I'm sorry cog but it's comforting to know that someone who comes over so strong on MN has those moments - although I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

ouryve

neiljames might have a point cog, reading it on a bus/tube/whateva might get you a seat, and certainly if you had a seat free next to you, reading passages aloud'd help keep it that way.

Thw whole 'a sign that you're still thinking of me' is a thought that crossed my mind too, but it wouldn't keep me awake at night.

Binning something from granny would, no matter who he was to you.

It's about doing the right thing. For yourself.

Actually, that may have come across as a little harsh. You know what, give the prayer book to charity and forget about it. NC means NC, right?

Yes, it's his belongings but in 20 years he hasn't asked you to look for it so give it a chance to be given to someone who will appreciate it and make up their own history of what the message means.

You once told me to tell my stbxh to f off to the far side of f and when he got there to f off some more. I'm guessing you follow your own advice and therefore I'm guessing you don't have the address for the far side of f.......

Try to post it to the far side of fuck.

At least it will raise a smile off the postal workers.

Post it to the relative. I think if you chucked it you would feel guilty. You would be passing it to a relative for yourself, not for him.

The fire. It's cleansing - and if Granny gave him the hand written text on his confirmation, she definitely wouldn't approve of him going AWOL for 20 years. You're safe from thunderbolts I think.

How nice is it? Is it worth anything?

Can't believe how many people are saying 5. I would have thrown it ore bayed it without a moment's thought.

If he wanted it, he would have taken it.

It's very unremarkable. Not E-Bay-worthy which, I'll be honest, is where some of his other stuff ended up. It'll be posted today to his brother so everyone who voted '5' is hereby presented with a smug smile and everyone who voted for something else is awarded the consolation prize of some folded arms and a 'you're making a big mistake' eyebrow-raise. Thanks.

5 definitely as it will only niggle at you if you do any if the others.

Yay ! I got a prize. Haha....