MN Jury decision required please

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

My exH left about 20 years ago never to be seen again. So I'm clearing out an old bookcase and find a decorative little prayer book with a hand-written message in it from his much loved late Granny, presented to him on the occasion of his confirmation. (BTW Anyone making 'aawwww' noises can leave now) I have no idea what to do with it.

Do I

1. Chuck it on the fire and risk the wrath of Granny/God/Tooth Fairy?
2. Donate it to the charity shop?
3. Keep it?
4. Find his address (no idea where he lives) and send it back to him?
5. Find the address of one of his less odious relatives and send it to them to pass onto him?
6. Something else? (Feel free to be creative)

Option 5

it isn't yours to get rid of and with you awwww comment you sound mean. Jut because he hasn't asked you for it back doesn't mean he doesn't wish he still had it.

I would like something from a relative but getting back in touch would cause so much grief it isn't worth it.

just be nice and send it back.

Go on! Risk being the subject of a conversation.

Number 5. Then feel saintly about it.

Ooh, interesting one! Our friend's dp is having a similar dilemma right now, only with a load of books her (stupidly wealthy)ex dh left behind. We have been encouraging her a sell them! Does that make us bad? She won't, as she is a bit of a hoarder. But he left them in her keeping, hasn't wanted them in decades, so I would say her right to do with them as she likes!

definitely 5.
I think.it wouldbe cathartic for you (knowing that you haven't destroyed it), it's a tribute to his lovely granny, and it's a book

I would just give it to a charity shop. Let's face it, for most men it wouldn't be something they'd even remember receiving.

Cognito! I am sorry to gave not rtft but, as you have been kind, I offer my silliness:

I had a similar situation.* Together, then split, I then sent an email re the thing I had found. This ended up in our relationship and marriage for nearly 20 years.

Oh how I wish I had thrown it out. Or he hadn't replied but What About The Children?!

So confused, I hope you aren't anymore.

• = No idea.

5

Actually, am a bit pissed. What is the similar situation*?

Number 5

Option 1.

You owe him nothing.

Bin it, if it meant anything to him then it would of been in his suitcase.
You are being nice, he clearly wasn't. Treat people how they deserve to be treated an all that.

(But because I'm scared of lightning bolts I probably would chuck it in the postbox but without stamps on)

5

Latent lightning bolt fears and atheism both ironically a by-product of the same early experience of enforced church attendance ... But I digress. Yes, I suppose if it meant anything to him he'd have either taken it at the time or been back for it before now. FWIW I sold quite a lot of his other remaining stuff on E-bay years ago. I guess I'm turning into a sentimental wimp in my old age..

I'm with "badcog"

cog - does that mean this bookcase hasn't been cleaned out in 20 years you slattern!!

I had to have a look at the thread - I couldn't imagine what you were starting a relationships thread about

I'm a sentimental old wimp too - as it was his Granny who gave it to him I couldn't give it away or bin it, but I wouldn't want to wake sleeping giants either - so I'd probably shove it back on the bookcase or in the loft.

Giving the house a radical new look at the moment so the book-case is going up for sale at the weekend and the books in it are all going to the charity shop. Except this one which has been lurking in a corner and bears an uncanny resemblance to Tom Riddle's Diary.... :)

It depends exactly how much of an arsehole he was to you. If he was really nasty to you, I say charity shop. If he wasn't a bad man really I'd say 5.

I'd go with option 5. I think it's better to put your own feelings aside and simply do the right thing (easier said than done admittedly when dealing with someone you dislike). My thoughts are other peoples belongings are not mine to destroy or rehome unless the owner has instructed me to do so. I'd try and return things to the owner and only bin/rehome as a last resort.

Not sure that helps with the slatternly behaviour displayed quite frankly. 20 years it has been there gathering dust - twenty years & you haven't noticed? Clearly you do not take your books off the shelf and dust twice a week. Disgusting behaviour quite frankly and not at all what I expected from you - I am disappointed in you.

(@BD I shall take the staff-member responsible for library cleaning duties to task.) To answer mammadiggingdeep, he was an arsehole of Large Hadron Collider proportions but it's so long ago that it's like it happened to someone else. So this little book, being so personal, is like a time-capsule.... weird.

People sometimes ask on here 'how long before I get over it?' and this probably illustrates how long the shadows can be.

I'd chuck it but my ex walked out on his four children so deserves nothing from me. However Oxfam sells books and if you can be bothered I wouldn't donate it to them? Or a local historical society.

5