partner posted a pic of herself in knicks on fb...had a row...how do we go forward?

[lezbehappy]

Hi,
My girlfriend went out with our friend X when I was minding the kids. (all lesbians).The morning after I find a picture of our friend x on fb. She was in her T shirt and knickers in my girlfriend's flat. This really upset me. We had a row/explanation. I spoke to our friend x too and told her how upset I was. I have trusted my partner and was happy to believe that they were just buddies and that X stayed in the spare room. And so far I have not felt any sense of uneasiness when X was around, no sign indicating that they more than just buddies. Now part of me feel that I have made a fool of myself for expressing jealousy and part of me remains doubtful. I am scared of the impact of this incident for our relationship as I love my girlfriend dearly. I do not want to keep her from seeing X or keep her prisoner. I am scared on how I am going to handle their next evening out. I will probably be in emotional agony. I am dreading it. I am scared of becoming unreasonably jealous and her feeling that she has to give up her friends to be with me. I could not bear to lose her. Not sure where to take this

sorry tittle friend posted a pic of herself in knicks at partner's flat...quite different!

Two things, really: what reason was given for x being in underwear? And why on earth was it put on FB if they knew you'd see it? Was it to make you jealous?

she did not plan to stay over, did not have pj and walked my gf home because she did not want her to walk alone and she had a lot to drink. I questioned her motivation for this. She sweared she did not intend to make me feel jealous. I let her know that it felt extremely insensitive.

So, the lesbian friend wasn't showing anything that she would have had she been on a beach?

I think you're seriously over-reacting.

So you don't live with your partner? Is that right?

yes I do not live with my partner. Lez friend was in knicks with T shirt

tshirts/ knickers

Not much different to beach wear is it?????

I just have to add that her caption said: Happy the morning after... friedbrain drop the beach!

So, you're expecting your partner to be totally responsible for the actions of someone else? Your partner is not her friend's bloody mother!

How do you go forward? You apologise, abjectly, for being a total and utter pillock

I'm really confused here. You have kids with your partner but she does not live with you but has her own flat? She went out with one friend who is a lesbian. Your partner got drunk so friend walked her home to partner's flat and ended up staying overnight in spare room, hadn't expected to stay over so did not have PJs. A photo was posted of friend in knickers and T shirt - presumably what she slept in as no PJs.

OK...this is down to trust or not. If friend was straight I don't think you'd find anything odd about any of this. As friend is gay, then it's striking you as the same thing as partner taking home a male friend to stay overnight and his posting a pic of himself in pants and T shirt on Facebook.

The photo is a bit irrelevant. People get undressed when they sleep. Why they then want to post a pic of this on Facebook is baffling to me, but it makes no difference to what happened that night (or didn't happen).

The real issue is are you ok with each other having friends that could feasibly be a sexual partner to stay in your flats. Do you trust each other enough? You need to talk about this and agree.

Is it ok for her to have male friends and lesbian friends to stay, or just straight women? And is it ok for you to have gay men and female friends to stay overnight or just straight men?

Me and my partner are 3 lesbians. Shall I set this straight (haha!)

I'm still confused. What was she doing in her underwear? Surely that is key to whether there is an issue or not. In bra and knickers due to spilling 1.5 litres of exploding coke- not an issue. In bra and knickers due to having 'fun' before dressing and walking your GF home - big issue.

You and your partner are three lesbians!? One and a half each? [confused}

So; you and your girlfriend live apart but have children together and your GF went out with her friend while you babysat. They ended up at your GF's flat together, your GF was pissed. Who was in their knickers (and t-shirt)?

in knickers and t shirt due to being the morning after as the girl did not have a pj to sleep at my girlfriend's house. Am I repeating myself?

Repeating yourself on two threads!!

Oh how troll, oh I mean droll!!

Rather than getting stroppy, how about explaining clearly to start with! It's no coincidence that at least three of us have no idea what is going on.

So it's the friend who was semi-dressed? (Just trying to understand it)

Who took the photo and posted it on FB?

facepalm So you are a lesbian, your partner is a lesbian and then the "friend" is also a lesbian too ?

You know what. I would say, golden rules apply. Dignity and respect. If you feel a little bit emotionally torn inside, then do something about it. And express yourself. If it is not met, then decision on whether to stay together.

It does sound like you don't trust your girlfriend

What did they both say, when you challenged them.

(I don't know what happy the morning after fried brain drop the beach means)

Op why drop the beach?????

Rude!!!

Get over the jealousy!!!!!

ah, sorry should have twigged that. I know you said (all lesbians) but you put it after mentioning kids and after thinking 'all your kids are lesbians' I gave up on that bit. Funny.

Same thing though. Do you trust each other with fellow lesbians staying over at your flats, or not? It's the same as straight couples feeling comfortable with each other having opposite sex friends staying over. Some couples would say this is ok. Some couples would say it's not ok.

I'd like to think I'd be ok with this in theory as I know I could have my male friends over to stay without doing anything inappropriate, and I trust my other half. But even I'd be thinking twice if OH had a female friend to stay who posted a pic of herself in her undies with a comment about it being 'the morning after'.

Although 'the morning after' is more likely to refer to a hangover sort of situation in my experience. The morning after the night before; it's a hangover joke. Did she look really rough/suffering in the photo?

I really don't understand why so many posters are finding this difficult to grasp.

GF's friend posted a picture of herself in tshirt and knickers, captioned "happy morning after". This implies more happened than just "staying over". It would be the same if this was a straight situation. I know plenty of people that would get pissed off to see photos of the opposite sex in underwear taken at their bf's house.

I totally understand OP why you're upset. This is a big test of trust.

I discussed this with my work colleague and neither of us can see a way where this is okay. Your friend has done something incredibly stupid that 100% implies that she and your partner had some fun. I personally would ask my husband (in your case partner) not to see her for a while alone, and in fact, it would be an ultimatum moment for me. I can't see a way where I'd be comfortable with them going out alone ever again.

Your friend showed zero respect for you by doing this. Your partner needs to understand how this is not okay and how uncomfortable this makes you. It would have been one thing for you to get a text letting you know she was staying over... it's the secrecy. I'm sorry I can't be more help, I would utterly furious and heartbroken.

I never said all my kids are lesbians. Shall I start again: Once upon a time there were three lesbians. 2 were partners: me and my gf. One (me) was a reformed straight girls with children from a previous marriage. Gosh never again 2 threads, I am going to blow a fuse!