partner posted a pic of herself in knicks on fb...had a row...how do we go forward?

[lezbehappy]

Hi,
My girlfriend went out with our friend X when I was minding the kids. (all lesbians).The morning after I find a picture of our friend x on fb. She was in her T shirt and knickers in my girlfriend's flat. This really upset me. We had a row/explanation. I spoke to our friend x too and told her how upset I was. I have trusted my partner and was happy to believe that they were just buddies and that X stayed in the spare room. And so far I have not felt any sense of uneasiness when X was around, no sign indicating that they more than just buddies. Now part of me feel that I have made a fool of myself for expressing jealousy and part of me remains doubtful. I am scared of the impact of this incident for our relationship as I love my girlfriend dearly. I do not want to keep her from seeing X or keep her prisoner. I am scared on how I am going to handle their next evening out. I will probably be in emotional agony. I am dreading it. I am scared of becoming unreasonably jealous and her feeling that she has to give up her friends to be with me. I could not bear to lose her. Not sure where to take this

It was an exceedingly confusing OP.

OK, to try and unpick this.

I am a woman and if my male partner and our straight female mutual friend went out and she stayed at his and was wandering around his flat in her knickers and t-shirt. Then posted on fb saying 'happy the morning after' I may or may not have raised a suspicious eyebrow. It would depend on the dynamic of the relationship between the three of us.

Most women do not loll about in their pants and tee in front of straight male friends, especially straight male friends who have partners. Some do, entirely innocently, I'm sure.

However (and I can't claim to be an expert on the dynamics of lesbian friendships and relationships) whether you are straight or gay you have probably grown up spending some time in the company of partially dressed women. In school changing rooms, on the beach, in friend's homes. So even though in the case of lesbians other women are the potential sexual partners it's 'normal' for them to be in each other's company partially dressed.

So, you know your gf and friend better than we do, but in itself I think this is not a massive sign that something has happened between them, or that this is inappropriate behaviour. I would think happy the morning after is probably more a reference to a good night out and possibly still being a bit drunk or even just not hungover.

Look at it this way whatever happened or didn't, you were surprised/alarmed/upset. Voicing this rather than brooding on it for days was the right thing to do.

If entirely innocent, okay it might now be awkward seeing friend X again but she and your gf are in no doubt you felt uncomfortable.

If they weren't attracted to each other, your outburst won't necessarily trigger anything.

If they are in fact sneaking behind your back, then your relationship with gf is already in trouble.

If so, then they know you aren't shrugging and ignoring in the hope if you don't acknowledge it, it won't happen again.

Providing you stated your case and apologised if unfounded, I think someone genuinely interested in not hurting you would accept that there was enough ambiguity to give you pause for thought .

If it had been the same caption but she'd borrowed a pair of pj bottoms from your GF, would you have been ok?

BillyBanter nails it!

It's normal to wear a t-shirt & knickers overnight. It's normal to go downstairs that way for breakfast. Flatmates of all genders & sexualities do it every day. It's also normal to post a 'morning after' picture the morning after being drunk, if you're under 30. (I have friends aged 40+ who still do, and it looks stupid by then.)

^ This

Hmmmm

Well I don't really see why people are saying OP is over reacting. She was asking what others would do in the same situation. She hasn't reacted yet........has she? Or have I missed something?

I got what you meant straight away, but then, like you, I'm a formally straight woman, with a dc from a previous relationship and I now have a GF.

OP, quite simply, do you trust your GF? Do you trust your friend? And have you ever thought there is a spark there?

Personally, I wouldn't like this. I would be pissed off with the friend and I would want to know what that caption was actually supposed to mean. I really hope it's nothing, but at the very least it was disrespectful. Have you spoke to either of them about it yet?

Oooops, I just read back your original post. So you have confronted them, what were there reactions?

How confusing. .

*their