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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

partner posted a pic of herself in knicks on fb...had a row...how do we go forward?

59 replies

lezbehappy · 29/04/2014 17:41

Hi,
My girlfriend went out with our friend X when I was minding the kids. (all lesbians).The morning after I find a picture of our friend x on fb. She was in her T shirt and knickers in my girlfriend's flat. This really upset me. We had a row/explanation. I spoke to our friend x too and told her how upset I was. I have trusted my partner and was happy to believe that they were just buddies and that X stayed in the spare room. And so far I have not felt any sense of uneasiness when X was around, no sign indicating that they more than just buddies. Now part of me feel that I have made a fool of myself for expressing jealousy and part of me remains doubtful. I am scared of the impact of this incident for our relationship as I love my girlfriend dearly. I do not want to keep her from seeing X or keep her prisoner. I am scared on how I am going to handle their next evening out. I will probably be in emotional agony. I am dreading it. I am scared of becoming unreasonably jealous and her feeling that she has to give up her friends to be with me. I could not bear to lose her. Not sure where to take this

OP posts:
oikopolis · 29/04/2014 18:32

You did say: I was minding the kids. (all lesbians)

v confusing post with v confusing title

fidelineish · 29/04/2014 18:34

Yep ok- got it now.

Personally I would put my foot down and say I found it inappropriate.

I would also be wondering if whoever posted the photo to FB was deliberately trying to provoke.

Original poster
lezbehappy · 29/04/2014 18:36

sykadelic thanks...a bit of empathy goes a long way

OP posts:
Nibblyboy · 29/04/2014 18:38

i would also wonder if a lesbian would have a user name like yours.

fidelineish · 29/04/2014 18:43

Good point Nibbly Hmm

Original poster
lezbehappy · 29/04/2014 18:44

Username totaly appropriate for a lesbian... and a bit of a giveaway...in case you are not being sarcastic

OP posts:
Nibblyboy · 29/04/2014 18:45

WELCOME TO MUMSNET OP

BeetlebumShesAGun · 29/04/2014 18:49

Nibbly Grin

Original poster
lezbehappy · 29/04/2014 18:52

haha

OP posts:
soaccidentprone · 29/04/2014 19:01

The implication from the caption on Facebook is that your dp and her friend spent the night together. Do you think this 'friend' is just trying to make trouble, or do you believe that you dp has cheated on you?

Do you trust your dp? And the friend?

Whether or not anything sexual has happened, the friend has shown you massive disrespect. I would not be happy in your situation. And I would expect your dp to reassure you that she is worthy of your trust.

If your dp says nothing happened, then I would expect her to not see this friend any more, as you should be her main priority. That is, if you believe she is telling the truth.

If your dp confirms your suspicions then you need to decide what to do next.

I hope it all works out for you.

Maisie0 · 29/04/2014 19:05

To me, your partner sounded a bit hedonistic. It is interesting that you mentioned that you feel foolish to express jealousy. You have to ask yourself, where your boundary lines are. Cos once you identify this then surely it is easier to handle? You also mentioned that you now "fear" this "friend". Well, if she was a true friend, surely she also know the rules and what the dating rules or ettiquettes are ? If you do not, and your partner does not let you know, then why are you letting the situation dangle you so ?

Original poster
lezbehappy · 29/04/2014 19:19

we are all lesbians was put at the wrong place. I thought you clever people could work this out. My kids are not. I meant me, my partner and our friend

OP posts:
Fenton · 29/04/2014 19:26

I don't get the caption

"Happy the morning after... friedbrain drop the beach!"

have you asked what this means?

Did the friend post it? was it just pants and t-shirt?

I don't get the problem, they went for a night out, got drunk, friend stayed over, they're discussing how they feel the next day, i.e. hungover?

Would like an explanation of the caption, that's all.

Original poster
lezbehappy · 29/04/2014 19:32

the caption was only happy the morning after

OP posts:
Fenton · 29/04/2014 19:46

okaaay

In that case happy the morning after is fairly innocent isn't it?

As in we got hammered last night but still jolly this morning.

but the bottom line is.

Ask your partner. calmly.

You don't say much about her or the friend's 'explanation'

Forgettable · 29/04/2014 19:48

It's all about boundaries then.

You felt uncomfortable and said so.

You don't sound very reassured.

A Big Talk in order, non?

SirRaymondClench · 29/04/2014 20:54

I don't understand. What happened at the beach? Confused

GarlicAprilShowers · 29/04/2014 21:17

It's normal to wear a t-shirt & knickers overnight. It's normal to go downstairs that way for breakfast. Flatmates of all genders & sexualities do it every day. It's also normal to post a 'morning after' picture the morning after being drunk, if you're under 30. (I have friends aged 40+ who still do, and it looks stupid by then.)

Everything's normal except your concern that she was unfaithful. Unless you know you're prone to jealousy/possessiveness, trust your instinct. If you're always suspicious when a loved one has fun without you, see a therapist.

Ludways · 29/04/2014 23:03

She stayed the night at your gf flat, in a different room, what did you expect her to sleep in, full clothes? She was ready for bed. I've slept in the same bed as a naked lesbian friend, nothing happened, actually in fact we were both naked as we were well pissed!

Seriously overreacting here, sorry.

HenI5 · 29/04/2014 23:26

I think we need more info OP.
You live with your children from a previous straight relationship.
Your giflfrind has her own home.

You stay home with your kids, she goes out with a mutual lesbian friend who posts underwear and cryptic caption photos when sleeping over at your GF's.

You're worried they got it together and friend's saying drop the bitch aka you?
Is that it?

Is she really a mutual friend? Or GF's friend mostly?
Do you trust GF?

GarlicAprilShowers · 29/04/2014 23:33

No, nobody said drop the bitch Grin OP was reacting to a PP who said people wear less than that on a beach ...

HenI5 · 29/04/2014 23:40

Sorry.
Oh no, this thread's like Chinese whispers.
Fried brain's a poster Blush
I read all of one post as a photo caption. The shame of it.

Question as to where the strong friendship tie lies stands though.

ShouldBeDoingSomethingProducti · 29/04/2014 23:50

This thread is hilarious Grin Especially Fenton's confusion Grin

Lez on the admittedly very slight off chance you are indeed a genuine poster my advice would be to ask the pair of them what they thought that your mutual friends would assume had happened when your 'friend' posted that pic with that caption... I know what my friends would think if it was a bloke... and just why exactly you should stick around if they would rather be together.

But then maybe I'm old because I have never posted a picture of myself in my pants after a night out Hmm

MargotLovedTom · 29/04/2014 23:51

I'm with sykadelic, it's really not that hard to work out.

Some deliberate obtuseness going on from posters I think.

Yes OP, I think it's an odd thing for the friend to put on Facebook. You need to have a chat with your gf I think.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 29/04/2014 23:53

I can understand why you feel like this completely OP.

I'm quite sure my DP wouldn't be happy if I was out with a male friend and there were photos of him from that night in just his boxers!