Would you mind your DH/DP talking to another woman about sex?

[mrdrew]

Not sexting but just talking to a particular female friend about it as they may with their male friends - about previous experiences and stuff

If you are asking questions, your antenna is up. You should continue to monitor ...

Could be something, could be nothing. The fact that they used to have lunch together all the time but now just meet up occasionally has to be good!

The fact the op knew nothing about meetings in the past or the present doesn't sound good.

Is your DH talking to you about the secrecy?

For me it would all be in the tone and the purpose. Is it disclosure to test the waters, flirt, add trust to their friendship, would they discuss it in your presence? Are they using it for titilation and are getting off on slightly overstepping the boundaries?

It's really impossible to say without actually seeing/hearing their conversation.

I must admit when I first read it, I wondered if it was a case of mentionitis and he was finding a cheeky stimulating way to mention her in front of you. Only you know his character and whether he would do something like that.

Personally I wouldn't like it but that's because it wouldn't fit in our relationship and would stand out. We share friends mostly and DH wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation. He would see it as flirting.
So in a way, I'd base my decision on him as a person rather than my thoughts as he may well have a different attitude.

So really, the question is "does your DH see a problem with it?"
Would he be happy if you said the same about a male friend? That will give you your answer.
I'd personally just ask him and say that you've never really discussed the boundaries of opposite sex friendships so how does he feel about it.

Or you could say that you were thinking about Tracy (as I believe she's been named upthread ) and you asked your mate John where he's had sex. See how that goes?

The private lunch dates wouldn't sit comfortably with me in the way they've been disclosed.
I really really hope you are ok and that it's nothing. However, if it steps outside your boundaries then it's ok to say so and have a discussion about it. You don't have to be comfortable with it. It doesn't mean you can demand he stops if it's innocent but he should know how you feel so he can make a decision on that.

thanks for taking the time to reply everyone. There hasn't been anything else mentioned about her but like someone said for some reason I do just have a strange feeling about it so will keep my ears open.

I thought mentionitis too.
It would bother me, my dh casually making references to a friend's sexual exploits. Especially if I'd never met her.
I hope all's ok mrdrew.

Hmmm...don't think I would. If it's a case of being stuck in the office and the subject moving onto it then maybe but definitely not texting / calling.

In my experience when you're texting the opposite sex about past sexual experiences etc... It ended in sex text !!

As others have said context is everything. I am generally tight lipped on the subject but I remember lamenting to a male colleague that I was sick of my then partner thinking that every time I was in the shower that this was an open invitation to sexy time. The conversation was over before it began but as a group we worked long hour and socialised ocassionally. However, theere are some people who over share and there are those who'd use any kind of sex talk, no matter how innocuous, as an invitation for more explicit or revealing conversations. Knowing your audience and discretion are key.

Neither of those things would bother me tbh. I rarely tell my husband what I've done on my dinner hour and vice versa and I would more than likely talk about sex if it came up.

But if it's bothering you you need to talk about it because whether its innocent or not it isn't going to stop bothering you until you do.