Would you mind your DH/DP talking to another woman about sex?

[mrdrew]

Not sexting but just talking to a particular female friend about it as they may with their male friends - about previous experiences and stuff

I am fairly sure I am one of the more buttoned-up kinds that sgb details above, but I wouldn't think twice (among friends) yapping about stuff like "who's in the Mile High Club then" or "ok, who has done it in the woods" (or whatever), when discussed in context (and without graphic detail)

if you think he is having inappropriate conversations out of context and you generally don't trust him, then yes maybe you have a problem

from what you have said so far though, I am not seeing it

I would not be thrilled.

I think it might be ok to discuss sex in the abstract with female friends or colleagues in certain contexts, jokey maybe or in a group.

But talking one-on-one with another female about each other's personal sexual experiences is a no-no in my book. If I ever did it I would consider it a signal from me to the man that I could be up for it. The few instances where I inadvertently strayed into a sexual topic with another man, I felt a certain perk in interest on his part. Asking for trouble.

As a general rule, quite a lot of people would consider the sort of conversation the OP has described (odd places you might have had sex) to be general conversation. Not flirtation, nor public indecency - OK, perhaps not a suitable chat topic for toddler group...

Given that you say your H has not given you any cause to worry, OP, it sounds to me like you need to unclench a bit. Few things are more poisonous to a romantic relationship than a nagging, suspicious, nit-picking partner who sees breaches of monogamy occuring round every corner.

Generally I wouldn't be keen and I'm glad DH is not an over-sharer (unlike me!) but your example does sound fairly innocuous.

SGB: "As a general rule, quite a lot of people would consider the sort of conversation the OP has described (odd places you might have had sex) to be general conversation."

I would disagree with that. If I was single, that would be an acceptable conversation to have, particularly in a group and perhaps one-to-one but the latter is straying into grey areas ... I would consider it quite disrespectful for me as a married woman to tell another man in a convo between him and me alone that I had sex in a specific public place however casually I might phrase it. I would be conscious I am opening a gateway for him to misinterpret my intentions. I consider it to be signalling on my part.

no, but most of DH's friends are female. I've discussed sex with male friends in the pub, and fairly gratuitously if I was drunk enough.

I'm not seeing any evidence of nagging, suspicion or nit-picking.

I would be uncomfortable about DH discussing our sex life with anyone else, male or female.

But I don't think I would be bothered by a conversation about sex in general of the kind you describe. It's the kind of thing you chat about when bored at work!

blueshoes why do you think that would be a signal to a man that you would want to have sex with him, or whatever it is you are suggesting it would signal?

I think it's very dodgy territory and anyone with an ounce of sense should avoid it. Adults who pepper conversation with overt sexual references & experiences are either very immature types or they are flirting. Sure they can pull back when challenged and say 'oh it was just a bit of banter/sharing' or whatever but IME it's used very often as a way to test the waters.

Cognito is absolutely right.

This sort of convo is used to test the waters. No one sensible with something to lose says "wanna fuck", particularly where the other party is a colleague and there are harassment laws and office policies in place? They send out feelers first and sex convos is a way of sounding out with wiggle room to pull back, if necessary.

I wouldn't like it. Agree with cogito that it can be boundary testing

depends who he was talking to
wouldnt bother me in general

Cogito - my female best friend (I'm male) and I went into a pub once when she said "God, there's an old boyfriend of mine. The man with the smallest penis in the world!"

Was she therefore testing the water with me? Did she want to find out the size of mine, do you think?

I actually said "I don't believe you just told me that!" and she said "Why? I'd say that to my female friends. Why should I treat you differently?"

Your dh does sound a bit of a doofus if you two are wandering along some romantic beach and he goes "ooh Tracey had sex here"

(It wasn't like that, was it?!)

"Did she want to find out the size of mine, do you think?"

No... she was probably in the first category of 'immature types' If she'd said 'smallest penis in the world man... not something you've got a problem with I bet NotNewButNameChanged... ' then she'd be flirting.

Do try to keep up

I don’t think i’ve really been nagging or nit picking about this, i’ve asked DH a few questions but we haven’t argued about it or anything and I haven’t told him not to do it.

I don’t really like the idea of it but didn’t know if I was being silly and seems that people are mixed on it. To those who say ‘general conversations’ about sex are ok but more isn’t - when do you consider it to be more and too much?

This one was apparently a while ago when they used to work together and just between those two and they were apparently talking about doing it on beaches and as part of that she said about that one and he also told her about when he had (was not with me).

for me it would just come down to

'does/did he fancy her?'

I don't know mercibucket I've never met her

generalities like 'I had sex on that beach once' I'd have no issue with. Discussion of specifics involving me I'd have a major issue with whether it was a male or female friend. I think this is something people grow out of isn't it?

For me it's all in the context and tone.

Conversation A:
Her: Oh I see you are going to Blahblah Beach?! Christ, I had sex on there once when I was going out with wassisname.
Him: Haha - Sex on the beach? Over rated. Sandy and uncomfortable!
Her: Yes, I think I must have been quite drunk.
Him: You'd have to be. Right, best be off home. Let's have a coffee soon.

Fine

Conversation B:
Her: Oh I see you are going to BlahBlah Beach. Just as well I'm not coming.
Him: Why?
Her: One of my favourite sex spots ever. Love a bit of al fresco
Him: Oh yeah? Where else have you done it?

Not so Fine.

I do have male friends and I do talk about sex with them, but make sure that I keep it to 'tone A'

Mmmmm
Thats how it starts op
Next they will be at it hammer and tongs
Nip it in the bud now before she does

It must be so exhausting to live in a constant state of terror that Monogamy May Be Breached. Why not just lock your partners up and forbid them to speak to members of the opposite sex without three chaperones and a recording device?

celtic, you sound a bit odd

I am with sgb on this one, and am not normally known for minimising boundary-pushing behaviour

I would need a lot more than this though to raise my hackles