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Original poster

Do you have a DS.... Please help me feel happier!

35 replies

Sickandtired14 · 27/04/2014 09:14

I have just found out that baby no2 is a boy. I'm not disappointed. But I wanted a girl. I know your not supposed to say that and your supposed to love a child whatever the sex and I will love him. He's my child of course I'll love him. I'm just not as excited as I would have been if it was a girl. Which is making me sad cos I want to be excited. I am so worried that when he is born I will favour his older DD and that he will be second best and that I might not put the effort in with him. His dad is over the moon to be having a boy.

If anyone has been through this please reassure me that I won't begrudge this child and that I will fall in love with him as I did my daughter. I want to be an amazing mummy, just for some reason, I wanted another girl and now I feel a bit lost at sea about a boy and it worries me :(

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
MollyBdenum · 27/04/2014 09:18

It will be fine. Boys are every bit as lovely as girls and you will just extra love with a new baby, not have to share or the existing love between more people.

mouseymummy · 27/04/2014 09:18

I was gutted when I found out ds was a boy but, 6mo later, he is such a joy!! He's such a happy and smiley baby.

He is properly gorgeous and I wouldn't change him for the world!!

Busymumto3dc · 27/04/2014 09:20

I wanted both dc1 and dc2 to be girls

They were both boys, I was a little disappointed when we found out especially with dc2 but they are all amazing regardless of gender

I eventually got my dd and now wonder what all the fuss was about! A baby is a baby!

VashtaNerada · 27/04/2014 09:22

Really don't worry. Gender is such a tiny part of someone's personality - you get boys & girls of all types! My DS is gorgeous btw, sweet and funny and affectionate.

RudyMentary · 27/04/2014 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deepbluestars · 27/04/2014 09:23

I think it's easier for some women (I am one of them) to feel excited about girls as it is like giving birth to ourselves! Like putting right any wrongs, reliving our childhood/adolescence, rediscovering the things we loved as children. I certainly felt this way.

It doesn't last, though, beyond pre school years and certainly once they are in school they are firmly established as their own little person, boy or girl.

In my experience it's easy to feel disconnected to an unborn child. Once he is out of you you will love him to pieces.

Martorana · 27/04/2014 09:24

Having one of each is utterly fantastic.

louby44 · 27/04/2014 09:24

I have 2 boys. Always wanted a girl but it never happened. Boys are very loving and less complicated as they get older.

One of each sex is lovely and many people would be envious of you!

And at least you can have babies!

stolemyusername · 27/04/2014 09:25

You'll be fine! I was scared of having a ds after girls because I'd figured out what I was doing with girls!

I was completely irrational and loved him as soon as I saw him

heyho1985 · 27/04/2014 09:25

My Mum had 3 boys before she had me and then I turned out to be a tomboy who refused to wear dresses!

deepbluestars · 27/04/2014 09:26

Pleeeease let's not go down the route of generalisations about either gender.

Boy does not equal cuddly, snuggly and affectionate. I know several quite cold, remote boys. Girl does not equal stroppy, complex and emotional.

My DS is not affectionate at all but DD is. They are both lovely little people though!

ballinacup · 27/04/2014 09:26

I felt the same as you OP and posted this thread here

TWO months on and I'm totally over wanting a girl. It was disappointing, but I love my little boy, how could another one possibly be a bad thing?

Pagwatch · 27/04/2014 09:30

I had two boys and was disappointed when I found out my last baby was a girl.
She's great. I wouldn't change a thing.
My middle son has disabilities and he is an absoloute joy.
The chikdren you get are people, so much more than your preconceived ideas of gender.

Slh122 · 27/04/2014 09:32

I have a 3 month old DS and he is fab and lovely and smiley Smile
Wouldn't change him for the world.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/04/2014 09:32

If I were you I'd be wanting to work out what it is exactly about the male gender that you find so knee-jerk unloveable. Is your partner unpleasant? Have you had bad experiences with men growing up? Do you have no male friends?

Patilla · 27/04/2014 09:34

I can only speak of my experiences but DS was way more chilled as a baby and toddler than DD.

I love them both completely but DS is not the poorer child.

He loves a good cuddle now and then still at five and he is fiercely loyal to his family and friends.

Yes he can go a bit crazy stuck in the house for days on end but I will always remember my preschooler DS who would walk hand in hand with me chatting away enthusiastically about anything and everything.

Still now he will sometimes sneak into my room when he wakes early and give me loads of kisses and a hug before going back to his room. And he loves one on one time over a cup of tea!

And don't write off those fancy dress costumes, DS spent his pre school years being dressed as a Disney princess wih his female friends and is still a huge fan of dressing up, even though it's his dragon costume that's the current favourite.

Obviously each child is different and unique and brilliant, but that's the point - your son won't be a "boy", he will be a child and beautiful unique and at the centre of your heart I'm sure.

And congratulations - you've got an awesom adventure ahead of you.

PositiveAttitude · 27/04/2014 09:36

I had 4 girls, then when I was pregnant with DC5 everyone assumed I wanted a boy. I didn't! I would have been over the moon with another girl, but he was a boy. BUT as soon as we got home and I had got used to the fact, I was smitten!! A friend once said to me that there is a special bond between mums and sons. I didn't understand this before I had him. I could not imagine there being anything more special than between my girls and me......but oh yes, she was right!!! He is now 18 years old and towers over me. He has given me a fraction of the heartache that the girls have given me, especially through the teenage years. He is an absolute delight and that special bond is still there between him and me and also between his sisters and him.

Congratulations and I am sure you will fall in love with him and will soon wonder why you felt like you do now.

trappedinsuburbia · 27/04/2014 09:36

With my first I desperately wanted a girl, I had a boy of course !
With no 2 I desperately wanted another boy as the one I have is fab, of course I had a girl this time.
When the baby arrives it honestly wont matter, theres nothing wrong with feeling the way you do either, I felt like that both times, utterly underwhelmed and disappointed, I am now totally over the moon I have a gorgeous boy and a gorgeous girl.

sweetkitty · 27/04/2014 09:40

I had 3 DDs and expected a fourth when we found out he was a boy I was actually disappointed and worried I wouldn't live him like the girls.

Fast forward 4 years and he is the light of our lives from the minute he was born we all adored him.
Honestly you will be the same Grin

Original poster
Sickandtired14 · 27/04/2014 09:40

Thank you for so many replies!
My dd has been an easy baby and toddler and I think I just loved the idea of having 2 little girls. Nothing against boys at all. His father and I have had our run ins, of course, so maybe I don't want my little boy to develop any of the bad stuff about my DH but I don't think that is my thinking here. Cos a girl could just as easily develop all my flaws. I just don't feel as excited as I did in last pregnancy. Maybe I just need time to adjust. I'm quite a girly girl (I didn't think I was but have been informed by all my friends and family so apparently I am!!). It's just how I feel.

I don't think I will find DS unloveable. As I stated in OP I am worried I won't love him as much as my daughter. I'm not disappointed to be having a boy, I just am not as excited about it and I find that a bit sad.

Thanks again

OP posts:
MrsNoodleHead · 27/04/2014 09:40

Each child is different but these are my two DSs.

DS1 (who is 4) is as honest as the day is long, can't fib to save his life. He has a strong moral code and doesn't like it when others are unkind (to anyone) and calls them on it. This morning I woke to him trying to make toast for me because (in his words): "I'm mummy's number one helper". He tells me that I'm pretty and beautiful, and tells DH that he's handsome. He loves his grandma more than anything on the planet. He will be a lovely husband to someone one day.

DS2 (2) has the cute cheeky thing in spades. He has amazing comic timing and can hold the attention of a table full of adults as they wait for his next utterance or facial expression, and then he will have them in fits. He makes his brother cry with laughter. He's endlessly affectionate, loves cuddles and kisses. I'd say I get cuddled at least every 10 minutes. When we change his nappy he announces "hello, willy!". He worships his big brother. He likes to tidy up.

This is all subjective and sentimental of course but you can see a picture of the little human beings underneath the Spiderman costumes. There is, of course, a lot of boy stuff in the house, and noise, and play fighting - but underneath are two little individuals with masses of character whose gender is genuinely of little importance to me.

Congratulations on your DS, I'm sure you'll love him to pieces.

MissBattleaxe · 27/04/2014 09:41

I have two boys and would have liked a girl but we stopped at two. The surge of love I felt for them when they were born has never been matched by anything and meeting them for the first time will be the two most precious memories of my whole life when I am old. My youngest is especially affectionate and his kisses and cuddles fill me with joy.

Gender didn't come into it. Congratulations! You will fall in love.

FengMa · 27/04/2014 09:42

I had been so sure that DC2 would be a girl and got my heart set on the idea so was similarly at sea when I found out he is a boy.

Absolutely nothing to fear on the love front though! He's just perfect, dinkle and all! He's only small so hard to talk personalities etc but, so far, the differences seem to be based on what characteristics each child has in common with each parent.

He'll be just as adored as your DD, I'm sure. And with one of each, your cup runneth over!

Meglet · 27/04/2014 09:51

The great thing about little boys is that they can dash behind trees to have a wee when you're in the middle of nowhere.

You don't have to hold them while they wee on your feet, or take them to a manky public loo where they hold on to the filthy seat.

Seatedhere · 27/04/2014 09:52

Having a son has been one of the great privileges of my life. Though it was a shock at first, he has bought me more joy than I could ever tell you - but I hope all children do that.

What having a boy did for me was force me to confront my own bias' and implicit belief that girls (i.e. me maybe Smile )were somehow better. He has let me look out of myself and allowed my world view to grow. It encompasses far more than it ever would have without having a son.

I am a better person for having had a boy.

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