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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have no where to live

93 replies

iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 13:55

I walked on my controlling husband 10 days ago
Just had some happy time away with family. Back where he lives so dc can go back to school. We jointly own the house which he is refusing to leave. I have booked a hotel for the next 2 nights and said I want a seperation. He controls finance and earns a lot more than me. Help just want some stability for dc and a home for us. He wants us back is being very difficult

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/04/2014 13:58

Ring woman's aid, they will help you. Serve divorce proceedings and start working towards a long term solution.

Usually Local councils will let you be entitled to housing benefit to rent for up to a year if you are in the process of divorcing an abusive partner (which yours is)

IorekByrnisonsArmour · 26/04/2014 14:00

Oh Iam I followed your escape thread Sad

Is there anyway you can stay with your family permenately?

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 14:03

I could but job is here dc are in private school I shouldn't have to go to a refuge we have money I have asked for a cheap small rental house for six months just so we can settle and have somestability
He wants them half the time

l

OP posts:
Finola1step · 26/04/2014 14:05

First thing Monday morning - solicitor.

PacificDogwood · 26/04/2014 14:07

Yes, seek legal advice as a matter of priority before you do anything else.
What your H wants (and what you want tbh) will need to come secondary to what is in the children's' best interest.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 14:14

Absolutely they need to cpme first

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 26/04/2014 14:19

Hi there iam

You've done so well but you need to keep going for a little longer yet because it was always clear that an abuser like him wasn't going to give up easily. Get a solicitor's appointment first thing Monday morning.

When do the DCs start school again?

cozietoesie · 26/04/2014 14:20

PS - will you please give some thought to changing that user name? A big fat mess is definitely not you!

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 14:33

They are back Monday.

OP posts:
bishboschone · 26/04/2014 14:35

call the council and explain your situation . where I live they will tell you to find a house and they will pay the rent until you get the house sold. go to cab and ask about where yiy stand legally .

TheCatThatSmiled · 26/04/2014 15:04

Just an FYI, if you do go to a refuge it may help on the event of needing legal aid to fight unreasonable demands during your divorce.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 15:23

Thanks this is going to be a tough term hopefully this time next year we will be settled and happy

OP posts:
jjsuk · 26/04/2014 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

aylesburyduck · 26/04/2014 15:49

jjsuk...

?? What's your point?

LyndaCartersBigPants · 26/04/2014 16:34

no point duck, that name is cropping up spouting crap everywhere at the moment!

aylesburyduck · 26/04/2014 16:36

Lynda

Thought as much. Have done the necessary!!

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 17:39

He wants me and the children back is being the perfect father today apparently and has invited me for tea

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 26/04/2014 18:32

For the moment, refuse to see him or speak to him and do everything via email. Remember: this is an abusive man and his intention is to harm you. He does not have superpowers. You do not need his permission or his cooperation to divorce him. He is not above the law. Ignore any 'niceness
' - it isn't really, it's bait in a trap. Good luck, you can get through this.

RandomMess · 26/04/2014 18:53

The more hostile and unreasonable he is the worse it is going to look in him in the courts etc. Remember the long term "game" is to be free of him as clean a break as you can have, financial security would be an added bonus.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 19:54

Really struggling just want to have a home

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/04/2014 19:59

Yes it is very very difficult to be in your position but it isn't forever and it is worth it to be free of him.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 20:00

I know just being weak at the moment

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/04/2014 20:13

Your 10 days in, you're leaving the support of your family, what you are feeling now is the reality of your decision. It is tough, you're not weak to be struggling with such a life changing event.

RoseHoney · 26/04/2014 20:17

I followed your leaving thread and have been wondering how you are.
Hang in there.
Call a solicitor in the morning, calls woman's aid too.
I'd also go into the school first thing Monday and tell them only you are allowed to pick up and collect the children and if their father shows up not to hand them over.
Stay strong, you're doing really well.

PacificDogwood · 26/04/2014 20:22

Of course you're feeling wobbly.
I dont' know your backstory and can only begin to imagine what you are going through.
Have have been brave enough to think about leaving and then actually doing it.
You know face a lot of uncertainty and that is very scary.
Get help and support on board: yy to Woman's Aid and legal advice.
Don't do anything rash, and do not engage with your H, most certainly not on your own. E-mail or texting if you feel up to that.

We're all right behind you here - can you call on some friends for RL hand-holding?
Brew