Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have no where to live

93 replies

iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 13:55

I walked on my controlling husband 10 days ago
Just had some happy time away with family. Back where he lives so dc can go back to school. We jointly own the house which he is refusing to leave. I have booked a hotel for the next 2 nights and said I want a seperation. He controls finance and earns a lot more than me. Help just want some stability for dc and a home for us. He wants us back is being very difficult

OP posts:
Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 20:25

Good point I know if I go back I will regret it. Just feel ao guilty dc do not have a home just a bag of clothes and a mess for a mother

OP posts:
punygod · 26/04/2014 20:29

A mess for a mother?

No. A mess for a father. A strong, fierce, tigress for a mother, who is doing everything she can for her children.

Hang in there. Please.

cozietoesie · 26/04/2014 20:38

You're not being as weak as you think, iam. Do you remember what you were like that first night you came here? Sitting alone downstairs/in the loo with the phone and crying your eyes out because you felt just so hopeless?

You'll manage although it will be a tough road. Not, however, any tougher than the one you were following with him - and this one has big improvements on it for you and the DCs.

I suspect that what you're getting now are those first stirrings of you coming back. (Previously you were so ground down that you'd retreated deep inside yourself.) You'll likely start to get angry with things soon.

Anyway - we're all here if you need to talk at any time.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 26/04/2014 20:46

Thank you all so much

OP posts:
Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 05:21

Very tempted to start making plans to move to family in may half term

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/04/2014 08:20

Seriously I would, if they are supportive and loving do it. The further you get away from you STBX and have a network around you the better.

In fact I'd be tempted to do it now. Find them school places and temporarily stay with your family. If there aren't any school places bide your time a bit etc.

RoseHoney · 27/04/2014 08:21

Do it if you feel you can! Would you put them in private school up there?

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 08:53

No they would go to local schools

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/04/2014 09:01

Are you geared up to go to a solicitor tomorrow?

yoyo27 · 27/04/2014 09:48

I second telling the schools. He has PR and technically could turn up at school and collect then. Make it VERY clear to the school that he is not to take them and to ring you. Would he turn up at school to see you?

yoyo27 · 27/04/2014 09:51

Ps, if I were you I would head straight back to family. Xx

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 09:52

Probably not as he doesn't want anyone to know hasn't even told his family. Will ring solicitor in the morning

OP posts:
Hemlock2013 · 27/04/2014 10:12

I would head back to family also if you can... Kids can get put in local schools there.

I'm still in awe of you leaving. Don't lose heart now. X x x

RoseHoney · 27/04/2014 10:29

Definitely go then. I was just thinking it'd be harder to get them enrolled into private schools and cough up fees etc. If you're happy for them to go to local schools then I would make some phone calls tomorrow about how to get them a place and get plans moving to leave in may.

aujordoui · 27/04/2014 10:41

Call Shelter for advice. www.shelter.org.uk/

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 12:18

He still wants us all back

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 27/04/2014 12:28

But what he wants doesn't matter. He is the one to blame. Losing his family is his own fault. Tough shit for him. Put yourself and DC first and ignore him completely.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 12:35

True just struggling at the moment will be better when busy at work

OP posts:
yoyo27 · 27/04/2014 13:00

PLEASE stay strong, if not for you, then for your children. They will thank you for it one day x

PacificDogwood · 27/04/2014 13:03

Of course he wants you all back - he will not like one little bit that you took the initiative and left. Him wanting you back is about reasserting control, not him feeling loss and seeing the error of his ways.

Like I said, I don't know your backstory, yet I am confident enough to write the above sentence…. sadly the above is a well established pattern.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 13:13

I recorded him yelling and swearing at me and saying get out of my house
Keep replaying it to remind me

OP posts:
MaryShelley · 27/04/2014 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
iambigfatmess · 27/04/2014 13:31

He won't leave solicitor says I can leave and do.not give ip my rights to the house

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/04/2014 13:57

You are married you are entitled to share of the house even if you move out and rent elsewhere etc. don't worry about it. I would relocate and get far far far away from him and any friends that won't be supportive of you.

Frenchfemme · 27/04/2014 14:01

Sorry, no advice to offer, but I just want to say that you are one of the bravest and strongest people I have come across. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you right now, but please hang in there. Thinking of you.