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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

After being homeless for five months...

57 replies

FanFuckingTastic · 26/04/2014 02:15

I finally have a light at the end of the tunnel. It has taken me since 10:30 this morning to actually get excited about it, I was so stunned at how blooming great the offer from the council is.

I was in a complicated situation as I owed them money which I had began appealing when I was made homeless the first time (recharge fees for an old property, which were ridiculously high considering how well I cleaned it). Instead of being sensible and sorting it out, I ran away to live with my now ex, who told me it would be the best thing to do. I realise now I was being influenced by him into making poor decisions when my mental health was not good, I should have reported myself to my psychiatrist, and the council as homeless with two children, but instead I was stupid and ended up leaving my children with their father and running away.

I realised I was being abused in November last year when my stepdad died and he was trying to 'gaslight' me into believing that I'd said I hated him and would be glad when he was gone, I was absolutely horrified when I realised what he was and all the things he had done to me that weren't right.

I ran away just after Christmas, have been staying with various people since. I've felt like a burden and it's been such a nightmare, harassment from my ex, moving areas to feel safe, realising the extent of how much he had manipulated me using my disability and mental health to do so. I was really quite depressed.

Now, I think I might be able to relax for the first time as they have taken my homelessness application and agreed it was through no fault of my own due to fleeing DV, they had recognised that private sector renting is not sensible as my disabilities make finding the appropriate place highly improbable. The have put me into Band A category with highest bidding priority for six weeks, and will extend it if I don't get housed in that period. They've reduced the money I owe them by half, and loaned me the rest to be paid back at a low rate. They have accepted my assessment from OT and social worker to house me in level access ground floor accommodation, with storage for a mobility scooter, and either a level access shower or wet room. And they will do all the bidding for me, which saves me a great deal of stress and time. I walked out a bit stunned. I was expecting a no, or at the best help to get private rented housing. To know that I will finally be in a suitable home, and be able to sort out care packages and regain my independence again after the worst year of my life. My brain doesn't know whether to be happy or cry.

I just wanted to say that you can get free from an abusive relationship, I've had hurdles and hurdles due to my circumstances, but finally I can relax and know it shouldn't be too long before I am settled and can begin rebuilding my life. I have to own up to lots of mistakes and rebuild bridges, but I can do that now independently without anyone telling me what to do.

OP posts:
onmenotinme · 26/04/2014 02:25

thank you for posting. You're amazing Thanks Smile

PassAFist · 26/04/2014 02:37

Well done OP! Onwards and upwards from here on!

heyday · 26/04/2014 04:16

I hope you get the right sort of home very soon and that happier days are on their way. Good luck.

Deathraystare · 26/04/2014 07:26

Well done! Now you can relax!

Lweji · 26/04/2014 07:27

That's great. :)

Wishing you a very happy life in your new home.

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/04/2014 12:28

What a great outcome. So nice to hear a positive story about help from the council too.

ThePinkOcelot · 26/04/2014 18:56

Awww that's brilliant OP. Onwards and upwards. I wish you all the luck in the world for your future.

antimatter · 26/04/2014 18:59

I can do that now independently without anyone telling me what to do - great mantra - keep at it!

RunLikeSomeFeckersChasing · 26/04/2014 19:43

I'm so glad to hear that you'll have the security to keep yourself well and safe and build a stable future for your lovely little folk. Brilliant news!

JanuaryKat · 26/04/2014 20:40

Excellent, I love a happy beginning.
All good wishes to you Fan Smile

comicsansisevil · 26/04/2014 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elQuintoConyo · 26/04/2014 20:59

Oh how wonderful! Best wishes OP - FanFuckingTastic indeed! Thanks

EATmum · 26/04/2014 23:04

What a fabulous update. So great to hear about people making the right decisions about your support and making a real difference to you. Good luck!

onlyjoking9329 · 06/05/2014 20:07

How's it going now Fan?
Sounds like it's all finally coming together for you at last, hold onto that good feeling, you're through the worst.
You should be able to get a scooter with a referal from OT, though it takes a long time.

tipsytrifle · 06/05/2014 20:56

What a crazy experience with a fantastic outcome ... it never fails to amaze me how badly people are treated and then how it can turn around ... you, OP, are so strong ... you are FanFuckingTastic!

FanFuckingTastic · 06/05/2014 22:32

I find out tomorrow whether I have been successful bidding on an adapted one bedroom flat. Been number one bidder since Thursday. I think I may have a home finally.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/05/2014 22:34

Really hope so for you Smile

onlyjoking9329 · 06/05/2014 23:12

Oh that would be awesome(DS favourite word, currently)
Be great to have a new place, a place to sit down in peace whenever you like, a new place that will help you and your children forward onto a life that will be memorably filled with fun and not fear.
You can do this? I'll sit on the other side of screen and cheer you on.Thanks

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/05/2014 10:49

Any news? Fingers crossed for you!

FanFuckingTastic · 07/05/2014 14:50

I think I've win the bidding. I need to call and see what's happening. I'm so blooming nervous.

OP posts:
ohldoneedtogetagrip · 07/05/2014 14:54

Go on phone..

good luck Flowers

FanFuckingTastic · 07/05/2014 15:26

Spoke to a guy in housing, he says they do checks on every persons suitability for each property to ensure they go to the correct people. As there's nearly thirty properties to check it'll take a while, so wait for a phone call. I get twenty four hours to respond to that call once it's made. He confirmed I was in first position for the flat, but couldn't give me a time frame for it getting sorted. So a little bit more waiting to do.

Since the council housing did my bidding for me and have all my qualifying documents, once they get to me it should be quick. Being patient is difficult, I'm desperate to get into my own place. I shall be squirming by the phone the next few days.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/05/2014 15:31

How lovely to see that there is a happy ending in sight for you. While you are waiting to hear, what about doing something like the Freedom course online to help make sure that brighter future doesn't have any more abusive and unsuitable men in it ?

FanFuckingTastic · 07/05/2014 15:40

Thanks AnyFucker, I am in touch with the local Women's Aid and will be doing a few courses of counselling with them, I think that is one of the ones Ill be doing. I've sworn off of relationships for a good while as I need to focus on the children and myself, but it'll be good to get some understanding why I keep repeating a broken pattern. I'm also under the CMHT and should be getting some counselling or therapy for childhood abuse, so perhaps it might make more sense to me why I keep hurting myself in terrible relationships by not thinking I'm worth being loved and respected.

I swore to myself this was the last time, if that means being alone because I can't fix myself, I've reached a place where I am happy with that.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/05/2014 15:43

That is good to hear x

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