Do 'new' relationships with ex's ever work?

[Bananasandnutella]

Just that really. Say you split with ex and go on a journey of discovery. And despite the pain your breakup causes you (he had an affair) you actually become thankful of the chance to find yourself. If you and your ex have stayed amicable, could it ever work? This is a curiosity thing.

You often hear of people who remarry after divorce and some of those marriages stick. I'm not sure the divorce occurred due to infidelity though.

Maybe. Really does depend on the circumstances I think.

It's a nice, romantic idea isn't it? I'm sure some people can genuinely bury the hatchet and skip off into the sunset together but, as a PP said, more likely if they'd just grown apart rather than there be some big trauma. Personally, I know I couldn't ever be properly amicable with someone who had shat on me from a great height, let alone get back together with them. Too much self-respect.

Several years ago I went on a few dates with my exH. Although we got on really well and I had often missed him, I just couldn't trust him enough to enter into a new relationship with him. I also realised that the person I actually missed was the person I had originally met, before we got married - and that he simply didn't exist any more.

I know another couple who got back together having been divorced for 21 years and they are still together - although rather unhappy! Another couple I know in a similar scenario seem to have 'settled' for each other, but that's my point of view, they may be very happy.

I would say very rarely does it work, but I wouldn't say never.

I was with my partner for 4 years from the age of 19 when we split up, many reasons played a part in this. He was with someone else for 3 years and I played the field a bit, had some great times with friends and established new friendships and hobbies. At no point did I pine for my ex or imagine for a second we would get back together.

But we did. 4.5 years later, after meeting again a a mutual friends party. We didn't rekindle the relationship immediately, and I was wary, but he undeniably made me laugh and we were fun again. We have now been together again for over 4 years, have a completely different relationship than last time, and have our beautiful Dd.

I can see how some hurdles are just too big to get over and this couldn't work for everyone however!!

I did it. I dated my exhusband as a teenager between the ages of 14 and 18 basically. We then got together when I was 21. We are now divorced. We were great mates but tbh we thought we could be more, which was never the intensity that it probably should have been and subsequently is with our current partners. He is a good dad though, so I am pleased in that respect if that makes sense.

Yes! Done it, worn the tee shirt and still very happy :)

My counsellor told me that the notion of hanging an ex as a safety blanket is our coping mechanism for being on our own.