Is it true most men would rather be with women under 35?

[adjani77]

Unfortunately for me I have been reading a lot online on the "manosphere" recently and a lot about what men think about women ( or a certain kind of man). Talk about "Sexual market Value" which basically amount to women of 30+ are basically hideous monsters to men their own age and older. I see this to on dating websites where men mostly are prepared to date women 10 - 15 years younger but will often not even want to date women the same age as them!

In the press recently 2 high profile men Stephen Hendry and Rowan Atkinson have both left their wives for women half their age (both women are also dead ringers for the 1st wives!).

I find it really depressing. I understand that we can get attracted to other people but if you have a good marriage, if your man is getting love, sex, affection and friendship surely he will have no reason to stray right?

I just don't know. Perhaps I am just worried about getting older 40 in a few years and how will that affect my partners satisfaction with me?

It seems that even men who are happy and love their wives / partners can fall in love with someone else, someone younger and transfer their love and affection to another. I guess I just need to accept that nothing is ever certain in life.

Has anyone else read any of that manosphere stuff about women and SMV etc what do you think?

I think real life is my best bet. In real life, people tell me I look well, or that I look young. (the holy grail of compliments :-/ ) but on the internet I might as well be the gruffalo. the gruffalo would get hit on more than I would.

Try walking around Tesco's!!!
I don't mean that dating game where you have to eat different coloured peppers, I mean just regular shopping.

My husband is 50 and works at a university. I asked him after an open day last year if he and his colleagues check out the young students. His answer ' urgh no that would be pervy; however we did see some nice mums!' So no to answer the original question I think most men like to look at attractive women but in their own age group.

Fuck me sideways, you actually believed a line like that?

And people are saying women get less naive as they get older!

Some of us actually trust our spouses not to lie to us.

It's pretty simple really. In terms of pure sexual attraction, most men are much more turned on by young women than older ones. As so often with these things, a lot of women make that fact seem much more complicated than it really is because they underestimate just how compartmentalised "pure sexual attraction" can be for men, and misunderstand how they experience it.

For most people though, sex is only one aspect of relationships and not necessarily the most important one. Most men choosing a partner, or choosing to remain with a partner as they both age, are going to be considering all kinds of other things that may be far more important than sex, such as love, companionship, personality compatibility etc.

And then there's the fact that "sex" doesn't = "sexual attraction" anyway. Someone can look great and turn you on, but there's a lot more to making it work in the bedroom than that.

Some relationships between middle aged men and young women are probably genuine on many other levels. Good luck to them, it's not for me to judge. Many men however do seem to see relationships as being purely or primarily for sex, just as, as someone said above, some women see them as being for money. I wouldn't say that's typical of most people though.

At the end of the day none of us are getting any younger. I agree with the sentiments expressed upthread that you can't let that dominate your life. Yes, your DH is going to see things in 20 year olds that he doesn't see in you. He chooses to be with you though, because of whatever combination of factors lead to that choice. Might he choose otherwise sometime in the future? Well yeah, that can happen to anyone.

I don't think all men over 50 are gagging to stare at younger women, no.

I remember being a young, stupid, hyper student and we'd make ga-ga eyes and flirt with the charismatic, older, Oxford lecturers: they seemed a bit embarrassed, if anything.

Reducing men to one-dimensional libidos on legs is very naive.

Saying all men are led by their sex drive is just as inaccurate as saying all women want a richer man and are led by their wombs.

I know 'relatively' well-off men (£100k ish) who - despite attempting to be the 'rich ones' - struggle to find steady girlfriends; I also know women who despite buying into the 'conventionally youthfully beautiful and sexually compliant' image (think fitted red dresses and heels and long hair) struggle to find steady boyfriends.

Motivation and desire is a lot more complex than that. Family, social status, work, intellectual growth, personality, spirituality: it all has just as much an effect.

I would never online date Holds no appeal whatsoever. Im 40 but last week was told I look nowhere near it.
But sexual attraction and chemistry is so much more than down to age. Its being drawn to someone like I was to ex OM. A friend told me my h was better looking. And she took one look at OM and said that I could do better. But to me the attraction and pull towards OM was the strongest thing I have ever experienced. And there is not much point someone being with someone deemed good looking if they never want to touch you.

FastLoris - 100% true.
I've also known though, men in their 40's who've had a girlfriend in her 20's and have got completely and utterly bored with them.

I remember being a young, stupid, hyper student and we'd make ga-ga eyes and flirt with the charismatic, older, Oxford lecturers: they seemed a bit embarrassed, if anything.

And were any of them actually straight?

I think an awful lot of men struggle to find a girlfriend/wife and I'm sure many of them stay with someone they aren't that compatible with for fear of being single. I would tend to think single men in their thirties and older discussing the merits of younger women on the internet have missed the boat. I know in my degree year, when we did a catch up after 5 years, not one of the women was single, and of those of us who kept in touch, we all got married and none of us are divorced.

So who are the men in their forties etc going to date? There are very few single women around who are not young. The likelihood, if they try to chat to a woman they don't know well of the same age, is that they won't be single.

I was discussing this with a male friend recently. He is 27, handsome and a doctor. I asked him why he hadn't asked one of the female medical students in his class out, and he admitted to being attracted to several of them, but said that not one of the women in his degree year didn't have a boyfriend.

The few very wealthy men I know have had the sense to pick a woman they have remained attracted to and are still together with. The divorced men I know nearly always seem to complain of their ex wife being very different from them, in terms of education, or wife not working, or no mutual interests. In other words, its pretty obvious that they were never that compatible.

The women not working one is a funny one. I couldn't imagine being attracted to a man who didn't work or had a similar level of education to myself. (I am talking before kids). I accept there are some men who find non-working women more desirable. I wouldn't have that much to say to these men.

Media and celebs seem to move in a distorted sphere of their own. The sphere I move in, uni educated grad jobs/professions is very dull and conventional with none of this happening. I know some geeky types who are single who would probably do internet dating and try and date younger women, possibly because the only sort of women they can pull might be the sort to have youth as their main attraction.

All very generalised. But guys on internet forums are fooling no-one.

Ola It was said that these younger women must surely only be with the older men for their money (ie. that they wouldn't be with the men if they were on a basic state pension etc.). I countered this generalisation by explaining that no woman - regardless of her age - goes 'looking' for a poor man

Ola - if you are really a lawyer - don't you think your perception may be distorted, because the sort of couples who split up are more likely to be the type where the woman has never worked or contemplated a career, and the man is more educated and has worked hard, and they have drifted apart due to incompatibility and money issues?

Most of my female graduate friends (apologies for repeatedly banging this drum but they shouldn't be unmentioned) wouldn't go near an older man and look for someone equal or very similar to themselves. I remember one younger female friend, aged 22, talking about a man aged 28 as being "quite good looking, but just too old to consider boyfriend material". She has recently married someone her own age.

Melonade that echoes my experience.

I reckon when people are fairly well-educated and focused on their careers, with relatively full lives, they aren't concentrating on shopping round for younger models.

The motivation to build a good joint life is the primary goal, not just 'who is the hottest/youngest/most exciting person I can pull'.

I'd imagine with the kudos of X professional job title, a lot of men in my peer group could go wild trying to impress the nubile ladies of London. But the vast majority seem to prefer partnering up with those they studied with, or someone from that social group.

I think shared history can give someone a much stronger sense of intimacy/identity than 'they look nice'.

Pairings I can think of go like:

Army Officer-Engineer
Army Officer-Doctor
Academic-Academic
City Lawyer-City Lawyer

Everyone stays in shape and is fairly attractive, but not in a Ken/Barbie way.

An older bachelor acquaintance ended up marrying someone who was part of his social circle, similar background, widow, little bit older than him.

Given his background, family assets (and he is known to be a bit eccentric, no pressure to pick anyone in particular) he had the choice of really impressing younger women with his naice big country house. But he chose someone with the qualities he valued, which didn't include youth.

In terms of pure sexual attraction, most men are much more turned on by young women than older ones.

Fortunately not all of us men though. My wife is 6 years older than me.

You're right though. It's not all about sex. I'm battling with my feelings for another woman at the moment and it's not sexual at all. She does happen to be younger than me but the age doesn't come into it as it's a personality thing.

I've been with my wife for 15 years and fwiw I think she's just as beautiful today as she was when we first met. Sure she has a few more wrinkles but I'm no oil painting either and we have grown old together. Personally I'm looking forward to us turning old and crumbly together but that hinges on me getting this other woman out of my head!

Utterfool, yes, yes you are.

Im 35, have to say, i got much more attention when i was 30, it severely dropped off when i hit 34 and im pretty much invisible now.

I get almost no messages when i do online dating, just a few from men a lot older, i have no desire to date a 50 year old man.

Needsmorecake

What do you mean, that I am a fool? [Smile]

What you're saying is a real shame but maybe it's an online dating thing? I may be an utter fool (and a long time out of the dating thing) but surely it's different if you meet people in normal life situations e.g. work etc.

I have a thing for olds women but this doesn't dictate who I have feelings for. Of course younger people have a certain appeal but what's the point if you're not compatible mentally?

Older lol

Twinkle if I was unclear I apologise. I thought my point was a general one to do with the correlation between money and power and the trading of one partner for a younger one, not a precise analysis of my social knowledge.

However to clarify, I have seen and awful lot of marriage breakdowns where a younger woman has been part of the mix. Seen, but not known about at any level. You asked about the firm I mentioned, so I clarified that in that case I knew the people socially, so met the first and second wives and was aware of the affairs.

You are obviously defensive about the City, but I only use this as an example as it is an area I am familiar with. I know nothing about celebs, politicians, or footballers......

utterfool, you are a fool for battling feelings for someone else when you are married.

Lol at utterfool who comes on a thread to say that "fortunately, not all of us men though" [fancy a younger woman]..........

Before going on to say his wife is older & his current crush is younger than him......

What a cock

Never has a user name been so apt.....

:)

then he seems to have missed what i was saying when i said ' utterfool, yes, yes you are.

:) :) :)

Melonade & Crusty -

You seem to be suggesting that well educated men are less likely to leave their marriages for younger women than the less educated are, I don't know of any evidence that that's actually true, do you?

I think a certain type of man will always need a younger model. He's not the kind of man I would want either, so he can fuck off to the far side of fuck!

I've been watching Mad Men on Netflix and actually don't think men's opinion of women have changed too much from US in the 60's. I'd love to say half of the men would be happy to have an older woman, but think our media has sold men the idea that they can stay young by screwing young.

More fool them really as an older woman knows how to do a helluva lot more and usually has the confidence men really enjoy but is hard to find in young girls, unless they are really naive not as attractive as confidence for a reason.

Utterfool -

In terms of pure sexual attraction, most men are much more turned on by young women than older ones.

Fortunately not all of us men though. My wife is 6 years older than me.

It may well be that the generalisation doesn't apply to you; I deliberately said "most" because with things like this, there are exceptions to everything. Not sure about the "fortunately" part though - I don't see men's purely sexual attraction to youth in pejorative terms. Like most aspects of sex, it just is. Most of the disparaging comments about it on this thread are probably just because it's inconvenient to women of a certain age group.

But more to the point, your first sentence doesn't necessarily follow from your second, since we don't choose our partners (and certainly don't choose to stay with them long term) purely because of sexual attractiveness. You could well feel the raw sexual appeal of youth as much as anybody, while being certain that your wife is who you want to spend your life with.

His attraction to the younger woman is not base and predictable, it is based on something real and pure , so that is why he can say that sentence without irony! Being a cliche (hopefully not) but not identifying with it!

Neiljames77 i do internet shopping!!! The drivers are always very pleasant. :-)
Nobody chats u up when u have children in tow!
Id go one mirning im not working! I wouldnt rule out a man that is free during the day. Like some young women. All sorts of people free in the day. And tbh i dont find lack of ambition a turn off! That makes me sound unfussy! But id go more by whether somebody was interesting and sane. Lots of suited salarymen cant claim to be interesting or sane. Theyd prob laugh at losers wandering around aldi during the day!!
(See, not even tesco, less upmarket, aldi!).

In all seriousness now aldi get lots of garden stuff in on 24th april. A nice part time gardener would be a catch i think

Needsmorecake

Lol I got what you were saying and agree with you .

I don't want to derail the thread but you can't help who you develop feelings for and irrespective of personal preferences I didn't set out to fancy someone younger. But as I was advised on here a few weeks back, you can't help developing feelings but it's what you do with them. That's the 'battling' bit I was referring to.

FastLoris

I say fortunately as the OP seems quite down about what she perceives to be men's preference toward younger women. Perhaps I could have worded it better but was only trying to put some counterbalance in this thread. I have a few friends that are either married or with older women.