I just want to say......

[Openupyoureyes]

That I am totally in awe of all you posters on this board. I've been following the boards since about November (ok - since Penisbeakergate) and my eyes have really been opened to the lives so many people have to live (endure).

I have been married for 40 years and struck lucky with my DH. he has never sworn at me, hit me, abused me emotionally, verbally, physically or in any other way. We haven't had affairs, although many times the grass has seemed to be greener on the other side, but we both realise that it's usually the same grass, different fence. Our money is in one pot and we spend it as we each see fit, even though he has always earned way more than I.

So when I see threads such as one last night and one from a few days ago where the OP is in such desperate straits and can't see a way out, I don't really have any relevant experience to offer any help or advice. But to see the way you all come flocking to offer your help, wisdom, advice, to these OPs is so humbling. I am amazed at how your support can literally turn their lives around within a few hours, and to see through their posts how much strength and confidence they are gaining. I am only sorry that you have gained your knowledge and wisdom by going through horrendous experiences yourselves.

You are responsible for helping these OPs and their children to go on to (hopefully) leading happy, safe, fulfilling lives.

You are awe-inspiring and I salute you all.

I was compelled to open an account today to post some help to someone who is going through a similar experience to one I endured last year. I have also been reading the posts here for months now and have been moved and humbled like you to see what some people endure in their lives and also the kindness of strangers in offering advice and support to those people.

From reading here I've learned a lot which will help me moving forward into future relationships too.

The strength and wisdom of the women here though is testament to the fact that what doesn't kill you does indeed make you stronger. Salute from me too.

"I don't really have any relevant experience to offer any help or advice."

The power of Mumsnet, I think, is in its humanity. You don't really need relevant experience or to be some kind of expert, just respond as one human being to another. Quite often it's simple acknowledgement that helps. 'Is this bad?'... 'yes it is'. 'No-one will believe me'... 'we believe you'. Etc. Especially where there is abuse and bullying present, having feelings taken seriously and being believed can be very powerful.

Totally agree and beautifully put Cog.

Also, it is useful when people in normal relationships post saying that their relationship is nothing like some here. That men can be considerate, hard working, contribute equally at home, mature, share finances and resist having affairs.

Your contribution will always be valuable.

Well said cog; it is its humanity and humility which defines this place; OP your post is such a positive message to read and encapsulates how i have felt seeing posts in the wee small hours of women in extreme distress with nowhere to turn except the apparent facelessness of the internet....and then here it is, like a ruddy beacon in some people's darkest of times, hand holding, gentle guidance, so subtle and supportive, at other times a shaking out of the rut we sometimes find ourselves in. Not being glib, but i have no doubt lives have been saved. Hurrah for the collective!

I think often, its the chance to be heard & the chance to ask whether your view is skewed that's so important. Also its the sheer honesty that you will get :)

There are so many women (and men) who have lived with abuse in all of its forms for so long that they have lost sight of what normal is or what it does. Time and time again someone will post about an initial problem, then the history will emerge & there's incidents of abuse that go back years. I think if you're being abused then it can be difficult to see it for what it is, & there's nothing shameful about that & part of the Relationships board particularly, is the people who are willing to post of their experiences and to share their thoughts. Its a relevation for some people when they realise.

Its also the reaching out of people who have lost or are losing hope & that there is always someone here who will reach back to them 24/7. We may not be medical professionals but we can all recognise someone in need & acknowledge them. That's why on some threads you will see replies saying 'I can't help but', it lets the posters know that someone is here & that someone cares & will listen

There's such a massive range of experience here as well, I for example can help anyone with any number of rubbish exes or people trapped in marriages that they want to leave, but I can't help with dysfunctional families as I have no knowledge of that. But it doesn't matter as someone else will have & will be along shortly.

Never think that you have no experience to offer :) any contribution to a thread is helpful to the poster who's in trouble. If lots of people express support to a woman in difficulty then sometimes she can break free as she is conscious of all of us standing behind her in a massed rank, willing her on.

I am having a bit of a cry (but ill so I forgive myself)
I wish I had known about Mumsnet sooner, or was it even here about 12 years ago.
It would have changed my life.
I approached Womens Aid and got nowhere because I worked full time and had no children. I also had pets.
Ye Gods it was terrible and I managed but with advice I would have had support and that would have been invaluable.
I didn't think that anyone would have believed me, I mean what was happening but on here I would have been heard.

I thought my situation was completely unique when it happened to me and when I googled it to try and find answers I was directed here. I was so surprised to read so many people having been through similar if not identical situations and it helped me find answers for my own life.

I love the stories on here too from those who have conquered problems, gotten out of abusive or painful situations and found light on the other side.

I also love that I have learned from here all about "red flags" and what t watch out for and I picked my new partner very carefully based on all the signs and signals I have overlooked or missed in the past.

For me, I read daily here, and it's a it like therapy. Real people, real lives, real solutions and even just seeing the way so many find light at the end of the tunnel makes you feel less alone.

Beautifully put OP.

My own experience of the support, kindness and the fact someone was listening was exactly what I needed. The gratefulness I feel is immense.