Dd bf beating her & there's nothing I can do about it...

[moanymiserablemum]

My dd is 22. Strong, intelligent, educated, beautiful, string willed & has the most hideous Bastard for a boyfriend.

I believe she met him when she was 17. She was 19 when she introduced him to me. He's 25. He had 10 custodial sentences since the age of 15. He came out of prison last November after serving 18 months for burglary. All his crimes are theft or violence related.

I wasn't exactly pleased but decided she was young & the novelty would ware off-it hasn't.

I realised just before his last stretch that she was scared of him. It was actually by accident. She won't admit to me she's scared of him or that he's hitting her.

He's a raging control freak, I've never seen anything like it. She's been reducing how much time they spend together as, according to my ds 24, she's had enough of him. On mother's day. Dd bf kicked her outside ds house.

Last night he beat her up in front of her friends & friends family. The friend is from school & her mum called me at 1.30 am as she was so worried.

But, instead of coming home she went to his house. They came here. They must have been here between 3 & 6 am as that is the only time I was asleep.

I tolerated him. Let him in our house. I've ignored my instincts. I've tried to make sure he didn't isolate her from her family like he did her friends. I've not confronted him or her directly. Now I can't ignore or carry on playing games, I can't pay this any more lip service.

I've done everything to keep her close to make sure she was dependant on him. Never encouraged her to move out etc.

Now how do I handle this? If i make her choose, she'll chose him. If i do or say nothing I'm condoning his disgusting behaviour.

Any advice appreciated!

It's tempting, but please, it's best not to think about more dramatic scenarios, as in your last post - they never turn out how you think they will. And can have very serious consequences for all the wrong people.

Do talk to the police and get legal advice on this.

Where I live (not uk) victim's statement is not required for domestic violence if there are witnesses or sufficient evidence.
He might still be arrested and prosecuted if the last even was reported by the witnesses and there are visible marks that you can attest to.
Perhaps once she sees that the people around her don't tolerate it, she is more willing to get rid of him.

My dh is police and has said you could phone the police for sure.
She does not want to leave yet as she thinks she still loves him but it sounds as if she will soon.
The fact that you are there for her to come to I'd important.
What did your son do when he saw the bf beat his sister?
I can't honestly say my ds's wouldn't half kill anyone who hit their sisters.

Ds is on his way to me now. I've asked him to come round. Dd went out earlier.

Apparently ds girlfriend literally sat on him to stop him attacking the bf.

i know my suggestion was extreme...I'm desperate!

I will seek advice-this is to serious to handle it with ignorance or anger.

I wish i could get dd to talk to me...

Please consider my suggestion of getting her to pretend to him that she is forbidden from seeing him for the time being. He can't blame her for YOU banning her given that there were witnesses to his latest assault, and it will buy her a little breathing time/space to remember what life was like before he controlled her every move.

Try and get her to see the benefit of her staying away from him in a way that won't make him angry (because she can blame you and her family for preventing her). As long as she tells him that it is 'just until things blow over) he will have no reason to get angry and in that time away from him, you can talk to WA, DV unit etc and she might start to find the strength to make the break (or even better, he might give up on her).

Having been in a similar situation to your DD, I can almost guarantee she is screaming inside for intervention - even if she doesn't realise it. NOBODY wants to be in an abusive relationship, but she needs someone to take it out of her hands.

i know my suggestion was extreme...I'm desperate!

We understand that.