My husband has left me, 6 year old and 5 month baby. Katiejon/Just eat.

[Justeat]

I've posted b4, dh has now walked out.
He packed a suitcase in front of dc's, stormed out angrily and drove off.
He hasn't contacted us since.
His family say they don't know where he is.
His secretary said he was at work, I made up some lie to find out if he had contacted her, cos after 48 hours of no contact, I was going 2 report him to the police as missing.
Solicitor said to wait and see wot happens.

We're both English.
I'm so tired.
DD is sleeping. Last day of school tomorrow, she breaks up late for Easter.
It's all sinking in now, his treatment of dd is disgusting.

What a dreadful thing to do to pack a bag and leave in front of your child. I don't know the full story as presume this is ongoing but I would seriously think about the effect on your children if you let him back in the house again.

I'm sure Katie doesn't want to give out too much information, particularly if not relevant for the advice that can be given.

Katie, do you have any other real life support apart from the school?

It sounds like you need it.

I don't want Katie to share anything she doesn't feel comfortable with, but the situation and her posting style are really difficult (for me) to get a handle on.

Health visitor etc.
Pilates, my point exactly.
He doesn't appear to consider dd, apart from telling her to attend school.

Op I sympathise with your situati

Op I sympathise with your situation but why didn't you remove your dd from the scene of the packing? You could have taken her from the room.

Maybe you have been listening to, too much advice from here on your previous thread and having a go at your husband? Everything needs to be considered. Especially the welfare of your daughter. Personally, I would ignore advice about divorce/leave him. This is serious advice when children are involved and should only be considered in the worst case scenarios. Not IMHO over a overtime/tea at mums issue.

Unless there are other terrible circumstances/occurrences?

It's the welfare of the daughter which is the biggest reason for OP to distance herself from her husband.

Have you read OP's previous threads Quitelikely? How is the OP supposed to function with a partner who gives her limited access to family finances, no information at all, puts the financial well being of his brother before that of his wife and child (i.e. they get nothing) and who keeps living her daily life on tenterhooks by swanning off at the drop of a hat? He can waltz off to his mothers when he likes and for as long as he likes. How is a person supposed to live and structure her daughter's life with that behaviour?

He went thru rooms upstairs taking socks, shirts, bathroom stuff etc.
I am not rushing into any decision regarding divorce etc.

He works even though he is on leave, says he needs the money but won't go thru his income with me in a calm manner.

I agree it sounds like you are playing some sort of game of 'chicken' with your husband. On the one hand you're saying 'I think I must serve papers' as if that will sort out all your problems, but when you think about it you say you're not rushing into anything. Have you really, really thought about what your life would be like if you got divorced, your housing and economic circumstances would change drastically. Can you support yourself? Could you get a job easily?

Logg1e we don't know that she has limited access to finances, she has never said she is short of money, although she has limited information. I've not read the thread re eating at his mums so can't comment on that, but re the will do we know if this was made out before or after marriage? It would not be unreasonable for him to have left all to his brother before he was married.

OP my DP also works when he is on leave, he's a workaholic so I either do stuff I want to do like reading or seeing my friends. You've given no other information about your marriage - do you love him, do you socialise together, holiday together - do you enjoy that?

What happened when you calmly asked him to go through your finances or draw up a budget?

I agree with some of your points Wisps. (Actually I think that I just disagree with the bit about limited finances. In a relationship both partners should have access to family finances, not just receive "housekeeping").

However, the lack of information on the questions later on in your post are part of the problem with this thread. It's just the belief that OP is a genuine person in genuine need that stops me from giving up on the thread.

why didn't you remove your dd from the scene of the packing
This is blaming the OP for her husband's actions. He chose to pack and leave while the child was around. His fault. Not hers.

Of course the OP doesn't need to divorce over dinner at his mother's or over not knowing how much he makes.
However, he was the one who left because she asked. He deserted his wife and children because he didn't want to tell her how much money the family has. It's not his money, it's theirs, whether he likes it or not.
Nobody, apart from him, is being unreasonable or making rush decisions. Only he is disregarding the welfare of his child.

hello OP.

I was wondering if you couldn't estimate how much your dh is paid. I know he does overtime and this can vary, but I'm sure in your previous thread you knew, without the extra hours what his basic salary was.
I think it shouldn't be too hard to work out an average from this, even if you can't get an exact figure.

I'm a real person.
I don't have time to answer everyone's questions.
Thank u all 4 your posts.

You don't have to answer questions on here, of course not. But do think about what people have said. Good luck.

If you are worried about physically coping due to health problems, you can ask / get your gp to ask social services to come and do an assessment and they could help you practically if you are disabled (even if not permanently, but more than a couple of weeks).

If you're staying with someone because you physically need the help to look after your children - that's you being trapped and it's awful.

The problem, again, is not figuring out how much he's earning. It's about managing the family finances.

I'm not even sure if it's about managing finances, the OP has said nothing about being 'given' housekeeping or having no access to money. It's more about having information.

She has, she said he transfers money to an account she has access to. This is part of her problem, she doesn't know what to budget for as she doesn't know what their savings, debts or income is. He has consistently refused to tell her, no matter how she asks.

This hasn't stopped people repeatedly advising her to ask though.

And she has repeatedly ignored questions about their relationship in general.

The OP has access to some money. What he puts in the joint account.
He could be draining the rest, getting into debt, who knows, because he systematically refuses to discuss finances with the OP and left when she asked one time too many.

As for the rest of the relationship, he's one who prefers to eat at his mummy.
It doesn't matter if they go out often, if he shows her no basic respect as an equal partner.
Particularly if he prefers to leave than to talk about finances with his wife.

And he could decide to stop putting money into the joint account.
It's, for now, a subtle way of control. It could become much less subtle, very easily.

He's back.
I want him to go again.
He had a shower, gave baby a bottle and went to bed.
I don't know why he returned. Will ask him when he stops pretending to be asleep.
Told him I wasn't eating properly and it was coming out again, sorry tmi.

He says his family think I'm ungrateful.
If I post what I now think of them, it'll be full of expletives!