My husband has left me, 6 year old and 5 month baby. Katiejon/Just eat.

[Justeat]

I've posted b4, dh has now walked out.
He packed a suitcase in front of dc's, stormed out angrily and drove off.
He hasn't contacted us since.
His family say they don't know where he is.
His secretary said he was at work, I made up some lie to find out if he had contacted her, cos after 48 hours of no contact, I was going 2 report him to the police as missing.
Solicitor said to wait and see wot happens.

I wonder if part of you is relieved at the thought of not being with him, even if part of you is exhausted and in pain.

Could he have the children for a half day soon? Give you some respite?

Everyone's shocked at his walking out, speechless is a better way of describing their reactions.

Are you dependent on him for money? What happens if he stops paying into the joint account? Are you on mat leave or a SAHM? Do you think you could cope with a drop in circumstances / income?

I think separation with daily contact would be very hard on everyone. It would stop you moving on in your own life as well.

Am SAHM.
I can't calculate his income cos his fees vary, depending on time spent on each task.

What does he do? I hope he's not a barrister.

Nope, not a barrister.

I get the feeling you're not totally ready to give up on the relationship, and maybe not strong enough to cope alone.

If he refuses marriage counselling, then how do I live with a man who has an opposing viewpoint to mine?

You don't.

Well, lots of couples have differing views. I'm a spender, DH is a saver.

I don't know what DP earns or what his exact bonus is. Can you not live dealing with ballparks?

By arguing over every little thing. Doesn't sound a very nice way to live.

Can live with a rough guide, but wot about his working when he is supposed go be on leave?

He said I made him walk out.
I don't remember packing for him!

V tired.
Going 2 sleep now.

I agree with wips - you don't sound like someone who is ready to end the relationship, rather like you are playing a game of chicken with your DH. I don't mean that to sound critical (if you aren't ready, you aren't ready!), but I do think you will get better advice and make better decisions if you look closely at your own thinking. DO you know what I mean?

I think our marriage is over.
I have to think about serving him with papers.
I'm exhausted, I slept for half an hour then baby cried for a bottle.
Am awake now and effing furious with him for walking out like a child in a bad mood.
I want to wipe the floor with him.
He's irresponsible and untrustworthy.

I really don't think it's a matter of counselling.
He either considers the family finances as family finances or not. Not sure what you expect from counselling.

And he either shares a home life with you, including meals, or he doesn't.

And he's saying no to counselling anyway. I.e. he's telling you you are in the wrong and will have to put up with whatever he wants to do.

It's not about knowing how much the husband makes, it's about the secrecy. The OP shouldn't have to calculate how much he makes. He should just be able to tell her.
At the moment he's controlling the family finances and essentially giving his wife (a supposed partner and equal) a stipend.

I think you will need to find independent help and prepare for being single. Sorry.

Hi lweji.
Thanks for being my friend.
I agree with you.
Am getting support from school.
Will probably serve papers, not ready yet, I need to emotionally prepare myself more.

Most importantly, I'm not ready to tell dd and respond to her emotions in a supportive way.

See a solicitor and book an estate agent to value your home. The latter won't cost a penny (they just wander around and give your an estimate) and when he resurfaces you have started to get a handle on your finances and options. You might not want to leave your home but if you've figured out what you are entitled to from him plus current values you are on your way.

Take some time, yes.
We need time to process and disengage.

But she will have to be told. And the soon the situation is defined; the better for her. Uncertainly is much worse.

To support her you need to reassure her that you will stick with her no matter what.

That dad left you. Not her.
You can do it.

I just can't get a picture if this situation.

OP are you in the UK? Is English your first language and how would you describe your husband's culture/background?

How funny - I was just about to ask exactly the same thing!

I am getting Asian vibes here.....money going to support extended family, housing extended family, wife being sidelined and kept out of the decisions in favour of husband's family.

Does it matter?

Lweji - IMHO it doesn't matter as far as looking for excuses for someone's behaviour.
However it matters when trying to understand context of situation OP is describing.