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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BORING HUSBAND !!!!

54 replies

notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:00

What am I supposed to do when I like a drink and am pretty sociable but my husband isn't. We have only been together 2.5 years, married 1.5 and he seems to have become much less interested in any social events. He is not a drinker, but I am.

If I go out once a week to my girlfriends house, 3 doors down the road and we sit in and have a couple of bottles of Cava, he gets grumpy because I am a bit pissed !! So what.

We went out TOGETHER Friday to our local pub and he was pulling me away by 9pm because he was hungry. I was having a lovely time and would like to have stayed but knew if I did, it would cause a row.

How do I best resolve this problem??

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/04/2014 13:03

Look up the well-known saying that has 'marry', 'haste' and 'repent' in it.... Hmm You're with the wrong bloke love.

Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:05

Oh dear, I do wonder now if that is the case. We have had a very turbulent 2 years. No honeymoon period for us !! :-(

OP posts:
MannishBoy · 07/04/2014 13:06

Wonder what his side would sound like? "My wife is always wanting to go out and I'm worried she has a drink problem".

My ex used to call me boring, because I wasn't getting drunk with her, or smoking, or trying pot. She was "such a laugh". she was also a bully.

If you've only been married 1.5 years, best end it now as you sound incompatible.

sunbathe · 07/04/2014 13:06

Do you do drink-free activities?

Drinking bores me.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/04/2014 13:07

How come you married him so fast? You can't know each other at all

Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:08

Mannishboy - it would sound like "your are nothing but a pisshead". That's the usual. I also enjoy a social cigarette, not pot.. he detests this too. Happy days lol

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 07/04/2014 13:09

You don't really sound well suited but you would have known this when you married him surely.....

If I go out once a week to my girlfriends house, 3 doors down the road and we sit in and have a couple of bottles of Cava, he gets grumpy because I am a bit pissed !!

If you're sober then pissed people are a pain in the arse & very very boring & self absorbed. Next time you do it, stay out later then go to bed when you get in so you're not trying to talk bollocks to him.

If you want to go out together then go somewhere where its not centred around drinking. Do something non drink related & then go for a drink afterwards, so you both do something you enjoy perhaps.

Maybe he is worried you drink too much?

BuzzardBird · 07/04/2014 13:09

It is a little unfair to call him 'boring' because he doesn't like to drink. Maybe he also feels that he has married a 'boring wife' because she drinks to have fun? (Not projecting here as I am the same as you).
It probably won't work because you are poles apart and you have only been together 2.5 years and most of that has been crap? :(

Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:09

sunbathe - not really. We may go for dinner once in a while but no, we don't really do much at all.

OP posts:
middleeasternpromise · 07/04/2014 13:12

He's not going to start drinking just to improve the relationship and even if he did you are more likely to end up in a bigger row since two drunk people with fundamental differences are likely to tell each other just what they think! I would have a sober chat about your different views and work out how you get a compromise on this although from experience I can say it wont be easy! good luck

Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:12

onetiredmummy - when we first met, he was fun. We went out drinking together, having a laugh etc. But I think it was only for me. He has not really enjoyed drink for a while. He is 56 and I am 48.

Maybe I need to curve the drinking then but generally it is only 1 to 2 times a week ??

OP posts:
Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:14

middleastern - yes, maybe that is also the problem. When I have had a drink, we tend to row. But this is obviously because there are underlying problems

OP posts:
coffetofunction · 07/04/2014 13:15

Me & my DH are currently the other way round only as I'm upt duff however I can imagine how frustrated your DH feels. Me & my DH LOVE having a drink together but now I can't drink he drives me made when he's had a drink. If you know 'drink' is an issue for your marriage maybe try looking from his side, ease off while you get things back on track, find something you have in common you can do together that doesn't involve drinking....Thanks

Phalenopsis · 07/04/2014 13:16

I don't think your husband is boring because he doesn't like seeing you drunk or tipsy but it doesn't matter in a way what I think because I'm not married to you.

He is bothered by your behaviour and you are bothered by his. You either compromise which means you not drinking sometimes and him staying out later and accepting that sometimes you'll be inebriated or you write off your marriage as a bad job and end it.

I'd be inclined to do the latter because by the sounds of it neither of you are singing from the same song sheet and neither are inclined to change.

sealift · 07/04/2014 13:19

There seems to be a lot of focus on drinking here. OP - how much do you actually drink 1 to 2 times a week? If you are regularly getting drunk then I can see, from his side, that it may not be much fun.

rainbowfeet · 07/04/2014 13:23

Sorry but exh & I were just like this.. Had very different ideas on what was a good night out!! But I think even if he liked clubs & busy pubs I'd still rather been with my girlfriends anyway. We never had a awful lot in common but it wasn't a contributing factor in us splitting up. He did the things he enjoyed with his mates & I did what I wanted to with mine!!
We did share an enjoyment of food so we would go out for dinner rather than pubs.

Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:23

sealift - I drink about twice a week. Once at my friends house and maybe once with a meal out with DH or a bottle with myself and my daughter at home.??? Is this too much??

OP posts:
Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:25

Rainbowfeet - I agree, this is very much us. I notice he is now your ex. Oh dear. This is not looking to good.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 07/04/2014 13:26

Not getting pissed every time you go out is NOT boring.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 07/04/2014 13:26

I don't know whether you are a problem drinker or not.

But you need to end your marriage because both of you sound bored, unhappy and incompatible.

SweetErmengarde · 07/04/2014 13:27

I would consider drinking to the point of intoxication twice each week to be excessive; very likely your doctor would too.

Morgause · 07/04/2014 13:28

Maybe it's time to grow up a bit?

ExcuseTypos · 07/04/2014 13:28

Is the Friday night at the pub included in what you drink in a week or is that extra?

Original poster
notnotnee · 07/04/2014 13:29

OK, I hear what you are all saying. I have to cut the drinking down.

Thank you for all the advise. Its always good to share !

OP posts:
MannishBoy · 07/04/2014 13:29

It does seem like you are incompatible. Why?

Because you only think that HE is boring if he doesn't join in your drinking, or at least let you enjoy it. You don't seem interested in him, finding out what he wants, or what you could both enjoy.