BORING HUSBAND !!!!

[notnotnee]

What am I supposed to do when I like a drink and am pretty sociable but my husband isn't. We have only been together 2.5 years, married 1.5 and he seems to have become much less interested in any social events. He is not a drinker, but I am.

If I go out once a week to my girlfriends house, 3 doors down the road and we sit in and have a couple of bottles of Cava, he gets grumpy because I am a bit pissed !! So what.

We went out TOGETHER Friday to our local pub and he was pulling me away by 9pm because he was hungry. I was having a lovely time and would like to have stayed but knew if I did, it would cause a row.

How do I best resolve this problem??

That's true actually - 2 bottles of Cava per week is excessive drinking - especially if you're drinking a bottle in one sitting.

" I think it was only for me"

Likely to have been his 'date face'. Most of us start out on best behaviour, trying to impress the new man/woman and appear compatible. However, if being compatible requires too much compromise usually that's the point where you have the 'nice knowing you' conversation and go your separate ways. No-one's at fault here I don't think. You're just very different people and it's not converging.

notnotnee - I'm not one particularly for counting units, and I was only asking to understand how much you were drinking and how drunk you might be each time you drink. That said, a coule of bottles of wine a week (if I understand you correctly) is, I think, quite a lot. I'm a 14 stone man and wouldn't want to drink that much weekly (but that might just be me),

Could you both do social events that don't involve drinking?

Two years isn't long enough to really know someone and make a decision on whether to stay with them forever. As this illustrates!

However, sounds as if you discovered long before this that this guy isn't the right one for you. Why, WHY did you marry him?

Have a good think, but it just sounds to me as if you're really not compatible. If so - get out. Don't waste both your lives shackled to the wrong person.

What did you do on dates before you got married? Yes, maybe he went on drinking dates to please you but surely you must have done other things too?

If my spouse went to get pusses with Nate once a week, had to drink during meals and tried to drag me/keep me in the pub (once a week) I would find HIM boring and annoying.

Pissed with mate

I don't agree with your definition of boring.
You are clearly incompatible. If my own DH placed such a huge importance on alcohol as you do (the only way to have fun is by drinking) then I would definitely not be with him today.

You need to let him go so that he can find a healthier person to be with.

If I were your husband, I'd be grumpy sitting drinking in a pub at 9pm without having had a proper evening meal. I need regular food. I sympathise with his hunger.

My advice would be to cut the booze out for now and get out and do some things together. Cinema, art lectures, volunteering, theatre, a book club, cooking lessons, walking in the hills, in fact anything where you do something and create memories and things to talk about.

It doesn't sound like you want to spend time just with DH. Don't you enjoy chatting, pottering and watching tv with him during the week? If not then that tells you something.

Nate sounds interesting Quint .

Yes - I wouldn't mind going to get pusses with Nate too.

I thought reading your OP that you would be in your 20's or early 30's at most. I could, almost, understand your need to go out and drink so much. But you are 48 and he is 52. Why does your social life have revolve around drinking? Can't you do something else together that doesn't have you trying to get pissed every time you set foot out of the front door?

I don't know, find a joint hobby, go to the cinema or the theatre, anything but drinking for the sake of it.

TBH at 48 yr old woman whose only idea of a good time is getting drunk sounds very dull. I am 47 - I'd be giving you a wide berth. I suspect your husband is wishing he did too.

That's it! OP needs to get together with Nate!

Nate Dogg, or Nate James?

Pusses with Nate should be a reality show on MTV.

I married my dh in less than that time and he also is a non drinker. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. There must be more to it

We tend to go for dinner, theatre etc and if I really want to get drunk, I just do or go out with friends and he picks me up :)

I dont even know what Pusses with Nate even mean but I can see that this would be a preferable option to Cava with girlfriend.

Don't lie Quint your phone is very telling you know

Sorry, Now you all know that I get pusses with Nate on a regular basis, even though it is mindbogglingly boring.

I think I'm with the husband on this one...

sealift - I drink about twice a week. Once at my friends house and maybe once with a meal out with DH or a bottle with myself and my daughter at home.??? Is this too much??

What else do you do? What hobbies do you have? If you don't have any hobbies and you never did anything interesting with your husband from the start, why are you expecting constant entertainment now?

Also, what range of conversation do you have? Do you have any level of any of the above sober?

This thread hasn't definitively proven you're not boring.

If your social life consists of going out on the piss, you should've found like-minded tbh. It's not your dh's fault.

Well, if DP were at the pub and it got to 9pm and I hadn't eaten anything, I would be getting pretty grumpy and irritable too. Why didn't you go out for a meal or something first? And why should your need to drink trump his need to have to an evening meal?

Overall, the amount you drink sounds quite a lot if you're doing it every week. And it seems that you can't go out and do anything without alcohol being involved - can't you have a nice meal together or watch a film? You shouldn't need alcohol to have a good time!

"When I have been drinking we row"

Are you a nasty drunk ? Nasty drunks are really, really boring and wearing to live with. Perhaps his heart sinks when he sees you tucking into the Cava ?

I'm with your H

I think in unit terms you are probably not going too far wrong over the recommended limits. You could probably afford to have a couple of bottle of wine a week.

The problem is that you are binge drinking. Drinking a whole bottle of cava in one sitting is binging, assuming by a couple of bottles with your friend you are having one each. That isn't healthy nor can it be that much fun if you feel rough the next day. When you do that, how are you the next day because that must be pretty boring for your H too if you are below par due to excessive drinking.