Does anyone else feel like they've lost their friends since Mummydom?

[goreousgirl]

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment - I've told dh that I feel really lonely. I'm not short of people who want to chat and be friendly - and offers of visits from other people - but I so very specifically want to find a family just like us, where we all like each other and each others kids etc - and it seems impossible. My two are 6 (dd) and 2 (ds). I feel so angry with everyone and wound up and think I'm being unreasonable. DH recently lost FT job - but has been making ends meet with long contracts. Over summer hols I went away with my family who were a great help - but I actually don't have ANY friends that either a) want to spend time with me and my kids or b) I want to spend time with them! Is this an age thing (me or kids) - or do I need to start chilling?

Maybe I was a bit brave - but I didn't open up fully of course! I just mentioned how lonely it can get.

I can't have looked too desperate as the mum I talked to didn't offer any help or support. She just carried on chatting about the kids/weather etc. as usual and headed off home with a "see you!" and a wave.

Not sure it was worth the effort, now I think about it!

WOW I think this thread has hit a nerve. I too can relate.
As my kids got older I realized they had a social life and mine was very limited.

Truth is many of us are so busy that hours chatting with a good mate is a luxury, rarely affordable.

I live in Wiltshire. I met a woman in cornwalll that I got on well with and our kids also became friends. I travelled to cornwall at least once month for a long time. It a beautiful place to visit,so it wasn't a hardship. But I needed to share the experience of motherhood with someone who I could relate to.

As time goes on I find that most of my best friends are the moms of my daughters' best friends.

My life is busy. I have a full time job, three children (youngest almost two), a large home that always needs cleaning, an 84 year old mother inlaw that stays with us once a month and a adorable husband. I do meet up with my girlfriends on rare occasions. But for the daily chat that keeps me sane, and that is safe enough to be blunt and honest I rely on mumsnet. some of you may not know it but you are becoming my cyber friends.

i keep being drawn back to this thread it is so reassuring to know that so many of us are in the same position. I cant help but wonder how many of us have been denied a wider network of friends by the 'joker' . you know that person in an established group or a new set of people coming together who seems to cause a change in the way we are accepted into the group. or is this one just me!

It's like first month at uni. How many of us were friends with the first people we met there when we graduated? It takes time. Motherhood doesn't mean you'll have anything (else)in common!

Just joined Mumsnet 5 minutes ago!
Just saw this thread and wanted to say that it has really hit a nerve.
Last Xmas me and 3 girlfriends all went to CentreParcs with other halfs and kids and it was a nightmare. To the point where I dont talk to any of them anymore. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and they all thought I was mad. Why on earth would I want to do that when we could all be out drinking Margaritas til 4 in the morning every weekend? All 3 of them were having an affair of some sort and I felt really odd. But now I feel like its either Mums who are nothing BUT mums or Ladies out on the lash, and I dont fit either.

I joined this site recently too and found this thread and thought Mmm sounds like me! I am 35 (yikes) and a single mum to 5mth old. I have great support from my parents and have my mates who have kids, but they all have their husbands. Find it a little isolating but am determinded not to fall into a deep black hole. Guess I should join some groups, but everyone seems either very young or competitive!

Madal, keep persevering. I'm going to. There will be knock backs and we will have to knock on a fair few doors before they open, but they will open

poor mstg what a disappointment that must have been for you

I keep coming back to this too and i so feel much more confident in myself, i am looking at things differently and clearer now.
Thankyou goreousgirl!

You guys are so sweet!! To think that I was scared to say this to anyone, in person, so had to use the anonymity of MN to get this off my chest.... and you are thanking me - I can't tell you the warmth that I'm feeling, and I'm so glad it's helping others like me!!

Madal - you poor love - all that soul-bearing for a smile and a wave.

You know, I think it's because we're all so very busy in our own lives, that the mere hint of a problem in someone else's life just makes us too tired to cope with it - I think it's why we haven't established relationships when we could, and I think it's why others don't want to go the extra mile with us.

My longest established friend just announced that she doesn't have the time or energy to cope with me and my two year old at the moment, and that 6 months down the line it will be different (this is after her youngest has turned 4 and I have seen her through her baby-times) - it was extremely hurtful, and the catalyst for this thread - but it made me wonder if this is all just a time thing, and whether things will get easier as he gets older...? Big hugs to all of you.

probably it is a timing thing.

I know I'm the one who always makes the phone calls and the arrangements because if I didn't I'd see no-one. I've just accepted thats how it is. My "best" friend I've known for ages hasn't got kids or ever had a long time relationship and so I feel I'm always trying to accomodate her feelings but she doesn't bother with mine as she hasn't a clue what I feel!

I think a lot of us are in the same boat, which is why this thread is so welcome!

i lost all my friends when i met dh!
we were so wrapped up in each other i drifted apart from them all.
then we got our first house so had no money to socialize which finished it off.
we have a group of mutual friends in couples who are all gradually getting married so we get invited to those.
we will all meet up and go into town for drinks at xmas etc or if its someones birthday but thats it.
sometimes we dont get invited to the birthdays as its assumed we wont go due to having ds and my being pregnant.
dh goes off every thursday night to play xbox with a load of other guys and i spens a lot of time with my brothers who are sinilar age to me.
very exciting my social life.....

its so nice to read this. i am new to mn and think it is going to be my new lifeline!! i am a forces wife and have found it really difficult to make friends when you seem to be on the move all the time. i am expecting our first child in 4 weeks and have met some lovely people on my antenatal classess/nct group but we are moving in 8 weeks and i'm dreading having to start all over in a new place with new baby and no support from friends and family.