Partner wanking in bed next to me

[Usedtoloveme]

I know he uses porn a lot and our sex life has gone downhill. We probably only have sex a couple of times a month now.

Yesterday morning I was awake in bed and heard him start wanking. The noises and breathing confirmed this. I lay there for a minute shocked and then asked him what the hell he was doing. He quickly stopped and said he wasn't doing anything. I got mad at him and he got up and went to work.

He now denies that he was doing anything at all and says I woke him up. I'm not stupid. I know what was happening. He won't discuss it and thinks I should just forget it but I can't. He says he rarely watches porn but his phone is always set to private browsing as he knows I can check his history. What should I do?

Oh, that sounds like you had a positive chat - good to hear.

OP pleased youve spoken to your OH and hopefully a step forward :)

I was one of the posters who admitted i wouldnt mind and i wouldnt but thats just me, im not trying to be super cool by admitting that or trying to be a man pleaser im just very laid back in life. Does not make me or anyone else who have said they dont mind some sexual door mat!

Each to their own but this is my personal opinion, wasnt trying to put you down OP Sorry you felt a bit put upon further up the thread x

Hi OP; I know this can affect different women in different ways. I'm a guy and if I were still married (two years out of it), and I did this, I might be thinking:

1. I hope my wife sees me and enjoys watching me (and tells me so)
2. I hope my wife sees me and takes part
3. I hope my wife sees me and we have full sex.

I don't think there's anything inherently bad about doing what he did, unless it causes or worsens a pre-existing problem in your relationship.
He very probably did it expecting you to see you catch him at it. He is drawing attention to something, and that something could be a very healthy discussion if you are both able to be honest?

My dh sometimes starts to do it in the night (in his sleep) he wakes up to find odd red marks on his legs and keeps asking me how they got there
I am a very light sleeper and don't sleep well because my daughter often wakes in the night so I am always on high alert. It's not often that he does it but FFS if I can't sleep because he's fucking about in bed then he's going to know about it via my foot hitting his shin!
I always wonder though what if I let him finish, it'll be all over the damn sheets it's not like he pulls the duvet back in his sleep.

This is an old feed but may I add that their is something about being respectful to your sleeping spouse who certainly didnt consent to your intrusive behavior? Its noisy, smells and is messy to masturbate. All sexual acts in a relationship should be consensual. You could have a ferocious sex life and this type of person will still continue their behavior because they lack respect and manners. I get sometimes people do it in their sleep, but on a regular basis and while awake? That is just disrespectful, use the loo or at least ask your partner their preference first. Remember sexual acts should always be consensual people. You do NOT have a right to jerk off in bed lying next to me without my permission first. It sounds like some childish Highschool behavior to feel you have the given privilage to masturbate next to someone (yes spouses count) without their consent, unless like I said it is a random middle of the nighy thing...in which I would politely wake up my spouse and say your talking in your sleep rather than embarass them.

I wouldn't like it either. I remember years ago, with my ex husband, when we were in our 20s. I didn't feel like sex that night, and be lay beside me in bed, having an angry, passive aggressive wank. He knew I was awake, as we'd just had the sex disagreement a minute beforehand. I just sort of lay there frozen. It was horrible, more so than it actually sounds.
It wouldn't have taken much for your husband just to go to the bathroom! Seems like a bit of a kick in the teeth when your sex life is below par.

It's clear to me, that you don't mind him doing it, but it's a kick in the teeth when you want more sex, you're lying in bed next to him and available, and he chooses his own hand over sex with his partner. It's very weird, isn't it?

Ummm, this is a 4 yr old Zombie thread. Not sure why you commented on it to re-activate it!

What are people searching for to drag this old thread up?

CarryOnDancing and you have the cheek to be annoyed at people using words like uptight and repressed?

Fucks sake. I checked the date and not the year

I though it was a recent ongoing one.

Hello