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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

victim mentality

5 replies

vitamindlite · 04/04/2014 21:42

so my dh says i have a victim mentality, this is primarily because i complain if he is rude to me or sometimes threatens me with violence, obviously I am aware that his behaviour is unacceptable but I don't quite understand the 'victim mentality' issue. I can't quite get my head around it, obviously being at the receiving end of a threat of violence makes me a victim of sorts but dh is implying that is my whole mind set, which i don't feel in general that it is

OP posts:

Pippilangstrompe · 04/04/2014 21:49

You don't have a victim mentality, you are a victim. You are a victim because he is threatening you with violence. It is ok to feel like a victim when someone is abusing you. Someone with a victim mentality is someone who goes through life thinking things are unfair and they are being badly treated when faced with normal, everyday life stuff. Your DH is trying to make you believe that his treatment of you is normal. It isn't normal and you are a real victim.

Smokinmirrors · 04/04/2014 21:49

Listen to him. He is telling you what he sees in front of him when he bullies and threatens you - a 'victim'.

He must enjoy it. Horrible man.

I say again, what he means is, he is victimising you. Bullying you. Threatening you.

And you are taking it.

I hope you don't have children and that you file for divorce forthwith on the grounds of his threatening, vile and dangerous behaviour.

What a shit.

maras2 · 05/04/2014 00:56

Nothing to get your head around my love . He's a violent bully and you're his victim . So now , what to do ? Contact Women's Aid and start to make an escape plan . His vile behaviour will just escalate < did you think that it would get better > ?.

Lweji · 05/04/2014 03:57

You are indeed a victim. And he has a violent mentality.

Get out now before the threats become real.

No matter what you feel about him, he doesn't love you. You are only someone he likes to dominate.

Do call WA for help, but leave asap

8isalotoflegsDavid · 05/04/2014 05:47

What Smokin said.

People who have a 'victim mentality' usually enjoy wallowing in their own helplessness and wrongly perceiving themselves as victims.

Are you secretly enjoying this? No, I didn't think so.

If he is threatening you with violence and you are not imagining it, then you are not wrongly perceiving anything.

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