Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

WWYD open condom wrapper

123 replies

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 12:33

Name changed for this.

Bought DP a new wallet for Xmas. His old
One has been on the fireplace since then. I was looking in it today for a receipt for a printer we bought which is now faulty. Inbetween hundreds of receipts I come across an open condom wrapper, no condom to be found.
DP has been unfaithful before. When we were younger. I forgave him and recently, I believe(d) he had grown up and realised the value of his family.

I obviously want to confront him but DP is very good at excuses, turning around or considering this wallet hasn't been used for four months I'm
Wondering if he'll just opt for 'haven't used that wallet in ages, I sincerely have no idea, god knows, but I swear to you I haven't done anything."

I can see this playing out. I can see me being made to be overreacting. Our relationship isn't great at the moment, I am pregnant and very tired our sex life has somewhat suffered due to this, he has made passing comments on lack
Of affection etc recently and I am very touchy if I am honest.

I am concerned for what answer I will get, I want the truth but would I get that? And If he opts out of telling the truth then what do I do? End my family? Go it all alone with no facts !?

FFS why did the fucking printer break

OP posts:

Report

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 04/04/2014 13:24

Hecate if you cheated in the marital home, it's perfectly feasible that the man would spot the wrapper post sex, not want to put it in the family bin and therefore put it in a wallet, which is easy to then take out of the house in order to dispose of elsewhere.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/04/2014 13:26

Regardless of how you define lack of affection, feeling a lack of something in the relationship isn't a green light for him to go away and start looking for it elsewhere.

Any jarring behaviour lately, phone stuck to hand 24/7?

Ask him about it, face to face.

magentastardust · 04/04/2014 13:30

Hectate, If you were somewhere where you shouldn't be or didn't have access to a bin then yes maybe you would put it back in your wallet.
If he was in his own home or in the car he wouldn't leave it on the side would he. If he and the OP don't use condoms he is unlikely to put it in a pocket or similar as it could be found.
I don't think it is that strange for it to be there.

How old is he OP? Unless he is around 16 and in the inbetweeners I don't think I would believe the story of all the lads blowing them up /messing around in the car though-that seems a bit more unlikely. If they were one of the other lads they wouldn't have left the packet in your Dh's car.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 04/04/2014 13:30

You were suspicious, you posted here...

But yes, it sounds like you want to believe him.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 13:32

The wallet hasn't been used for four months so today's lack of affection doesn't have anything to do with the condom, he may not be cheating now but he may have four months ago although obviously he could be now too who knows !

No he doesn't have his phone on him 24/7 and I use it quite regularly without a problem. He does however have a spare phone, an old one, he keeps it in the office. Do I seriously go snoop? For something more definitive. Yes I do want to believe him, I'm not going to deny that, but if I had facts I wouldn't think twice. It is just so scary when I have a young DS and one on the way I obviously so do not want it to be true however I do not want to bury my head in the sand, I just want truth.

OP posts:

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 04/04/2014 13:32

Sorry that this has happened to you. However, what male over the age of 12 actually blows up condoms for fun.
They're expensive for a start!
So I'm afraid I wouldn't believe that excuse for why there were some in your car either.
Also, there's no point thinking along the lines of 'surely he wouldn't have left them in the car if he had been up to no good - he would know I'd find them etcetc'
People make stupid mistakes that catch them out all the time, just like this one.
But we make excuses upon excuses for them.

And all the analysing what people do with the condom wrapper is pointless too. It's there because he put it there, before/during/after having sex it doesn't matter.

The most obvious explanation is usually the explanation.

HecatePropylaea · 04/04/2014 13:33

ok, fair enough, yes, I can visualise that sequence of events and yes, I can see how you might need a hiding place for it in that circumstance - but it would surely be spectacularly stupid to then just leave the wrapper in there? If I was shagging about, the first thing I would dump would be any physical evidence of it! It's really not something you'd forget about. Who would be so stupid that they would put a wrapper in their wallet and keep it there? You'd take it with you the very first time you left the house and throw it in the nearest bin or even on the floor in a quiet street, surely?

Or maybe he really is just that stupid. I don't know.

Nobody knows but him and unfortunately the OP has to plan the best way for her to confront him about it and try to find out what's going on.

HecatePropylaea · 04/04/2014 13:34

xpost, yes, I suppose it is. All speculation is ultimately pointless. I apologise.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/04/2014 13:34

So basically your relationship is fine as long as you are sexually available to him whenever he wants you to be and able to pander to him?

But when you are tired, off sex and don't feel like going out so much - because you are carrying his child FFS - then he gets a cob on and there is a bad atmosphere.

The printer has done you a favour here. Once a cheater, always a cheater IME.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 13:53

I will ask him face to face, yes his tell tell
Signs of lying is just getting extremely defensive

OP posts:

magentastardust · 04/04/2014 13:53

I don't think its always that they are stupid Hectate but possibly cocky or arrogant and don't think that they will get got or think if they do that they can fob off with a rubbish excuse.

Does your DH genuinely have a reason for a spare phone eg is it a work phone? Does he need a spare phone for work do you think? Many people tend to have a spare old phone handset in a drawer at home or maybe at work but another working phone with a spare sim/number in probably not as common?

magentastardust · 04/04/2014 13:54

Get Caught not got!

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 13:57

Magenta no I do not believe there is a genuine reason. Would I be in the wrong to go and get the phone tonight. I set up the office so would be allowed access. I just feel
Very sneaky/uneasy about doing that.

OP posts:

Dirtybadger · 04/04/2014 13:57

Yes if its not a work phone but it is charged then that's very odd.

HecatePropylaea · 04/04/2014 14:01

Then you need to plan how you are going to get past that. I've got one of those. Talks round me, tries to redirect the conversations, makes speeches so long that by the end of it I've forgotten what the beginning was about, finds something about me that I am not doing right that he can turn the conversation round to so we somehow end up talking about that it took me years to learn how to put a stop to that. (would have taken far shorter time to pack but let's not go there )

I'm no expert and not pretending to be, just thinking of things that have helped me when trying to have a difficult conversation with someone who doesn't want to have that conversation with me.
There are ways that you can not allow bullcrap to sidetrack you and it all starts with you being calm, focused and remembering what it is that you are there to do.

I'll just stop you there, that's not the issue, the issue is...

thank you, but my question was...

that's not what I asked, I asked...

what is it that you think I just asked you...

I mean, there's loads of stuff. I am not even sure if that's helpful or if you really don't want to be in a position where you are going to that much trouble and you just want to slap it down in front of him and say what the fuck is this about...

It has to be about what you want and what you feel is the best way that you can deal with it.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 14:06

Hectate it is good advice for me and is what I will do. I have already learnt that I have to stay calm and repeat and remind him in difficult conversations. I'm pretty good at staying calm, even thought inside I am shaking sweating and raging

OP posts:

LoisPuddingLane · 04/04/2014 14:20

I don't even buy the "juvenile mates blowing up condoms" story. How old are they, 12? Why did he even HAVE condoms? You don't just buy them for a laugh. Balloons are cheaper.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 14:25

Lois they weren't his they were this particular colleagues. They are not 12 but definitely act it and I cannot stand them. That was a very long time ago now, and a reason a fairly happily accepted TBH. It is this occasion where I cannot see any plausible reason for and am concerned about

OP posts:

struggling100 · 04/04/2014 14:25

If he is cheating with someone else who is married and who also doesn't use condoms at home, then there would be every reason to slip the packet back into his wallet. I used to do this when I was a teenager and I didn't want to get caught out by my Mum!!

Sorry, OP, but it looks really bad to me.

LoisPuddingLane · 04/04/2014 14:29

What were they doing in his car if they weren't his? The most likely story is that they were his.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 14:32

He picks them up and takes them home everyday Lois hence being in the car amongst other things, fag packets, coats, etc.

OP posts:

LoisPuddingLane · 04/04/2014 14:34

There's something very personal about condoms. It would be a bit like a woman leaving her tampons in your car, i.e., not very likely.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 04/04/2014 14:36

Lois. I know these guys, there is nothing personal to them about condoms - there is nothing personal to them about sex - this is not the incident Im concerned about. I only brought it up when another poster mentioned fartarsing around with condoms.

OP posts:

LoisPuddingLane · 04/04/2014 14:38

Fair enough. But given that you've now found a wrapper that could not be theirs, perhaps it throws a different light on it. This is a man who carries condoms.

OneMoreChap · 04/04/2014 14:43

Sounds like yes, you do have to talk to him.
If he's got another phone, you could always say, "I'm sure it's just pregnancy, but I'm now worried about that other phone..." a decent type will let you see it.

Sorry, but a lot of men have separate phones for their affairs/professional encounters I understand. Sneaky ones just a different SIM.

Posh wank? Possible, but not all that likely. Particularly if you'd have to go an buy condoms for it.

Practical joke? More likely in a jacket pocket rather than wallet I would have thought.

Good luck

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.