Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why did you get married?

80 replies

evangelinelily · 04/04/2014 09:56

To the married people out there- anyone willing to share? What were your reasons for getting married as opposed to remaining as partners and cohabiting?

Do you and your husband/wife have shared goals for the future that you discussed prior to getting married? What are they?

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 04/04/2014 18:18

We didn't live together before getting married, it wasn't something that even crossed our minds. We wanted to be together, we wanted to be each other's family, and we wanted that legally recognised in marriage. The 'big day' itself wasn't of much interest to us, we only had a small wedding, and if we were doing it now we would have an even smaller one, because the older I get the more pointless a traditional ceremony seems.

We were also both raised in Christian families, and have faith, and marriage was part of that , both for us and our wider families.

Horsemad · 04/04/2014 18:24

The wedding itself meant nothing to me; we had 9 guests and didn't have a lot of fuss, which was as I preferred!

sillyknickers · 04/04/2014 18:35

For me it was all about the legal/financial side of things. I already had a dd (not DH's) and there's a massive income discrepancy between DH and me, so we were more protected this way. I wouldn't consider moving in with DH before we were married.

Marriage is a big deal to both of our families, and it was a big ceremony because that's part of our families' traditions, but it didn't mean that much to me - I would have been happy enough with a very basic wedding.

MummyBeerest · 04/04/2014 18:45

I wanted a ballgown, horse and carriage and a diamond tiara to match my ring.

Grin Hahaha. No.

After being through a lot of hard times together, we wanted to celebrate.

Burren · 05/04/2014 06:45

Because when I was pregnant with our son, an acquaintance (young, healthy, and after a straightforward first eight months of pregnancy) suddenly went into a coma and died of a pregnancy-related condition. The baby was delivered safely by c-section, but the fact she and her partner were not married at the time of her death -and she could not obviously put his name on the birth cert - meant that as well as being horribly bereaved, he had to do a DNA test to prove he was their child's father before the baby was allowed home with him.

I was a nervous older first time mother who had never seen a good enough reason to get married, but here was one, suddenly.

HowContraryMary · 05/04/2014 06:53

Because he was 'the one', I knew that the first time I met him, which was 2 years before we started dating.

Because we are both traditional; not way we would have had children or become financially entwined if we hadn't been married.

bragmatic · 05/04/2014 07:12

Working visa.

I considered him the man who would (eventually) father my children, and I moved in with him with the intention of never moving out, but we'd never have married if not for the visa thing.

3mum · 05/04/2014 11:44

Because my exH wanted to. We had been together 6+ years at that point. He pushed to get married and have children. I agreed because I loved him and didn't want anyone else and believed he felt the same. Twenty odd years later I found out he had been cheating all the time we were married. No idea why he wanted to get married.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/04/2014 11:51

I was 17 and had known him for 6 weeks when he proposed

I loved him and he loved me

We moved in together when we got married nearly four years later on my 21st birthday

We didn't move in together before hand as I felt that it would upset my parents (more my catholic mum, and I'm sure she would just have been a bit disappointed and I loved her so)

We made plans, 4 children (have 3 and miscarried 1). Ds1's name was picked when we were 17 and 18 and we were on the same page for most of the other things we wanted in life

We will have been married for 24 years this October

sunnyfriday · 05/04/2014 12:20

Same as bragmatic - we have different nationalities andneeded to get married to live together.

EllaFitzgerald · 05/04/2014 13:00

Living together just wasn't enough for either of us. And because I'm a lot more traditional than I thought I was.

sykadelic · 06/04/2014 17:36

We married when we did because we couldn't live together otherwise (being from different countries) and of course because we love each other and didn't want to continue to be apart. We both would have been fine with just living together for a while if it was possible (we did so for about 5 months, not in one stretch) but we've been happily married for almost 5 years now (we only just recently turned 30).

Shared goals - pretty much. Live. Be happy. We own our home (mortgage) and we'd like to move further into the country. We both wanted kids when it was financially viable but now it's become a discussion about whether we want to give up our freedom (I have other threads that touch on this).

While we don't really share a lot of the same interests but we share similar values and dislikes. Dogs are better than cats. Watching sport is boring etc... unless its motorsport then he's all over that :P. He prefers computer games to console, I'm either/or (love Mario Kart etc but also enjoy computer games). I like board games, he doesn't but he'll play with me if I'm really bored or the net is down.

DramaAlpaca · 06/04/2014 17:50

Because we loved each other, we both wanted the same things from life, we both wanted children & wanted to be married before we had them, and because it was expected by both our families and we cared enough about their opinions not to want to offend. It also felt right, and nearly 25 years later it still does most of the time

My in-laws never had any idea that we co-habited before we married. The upset if they'd found out would not have been worth the grief we would have been given.

Minx82 · 06/04/2014 17:56

Very interesting thread. I see no need to get married. I am very much in love but I am independent, have worked hard for my own financial security and know if the worst was to happen no one would have my back, I've got to have my own, and I do. I came from an abusive family, parents who stayed together for convenience and financial reasons, this must affect my view of marriage. Just over 10 years ago I fled my 'family' home with nothing. I have a lovely partner, a gorgeous daughter, I own my own car and 2 properties, I've done that all myself and I'm proud. I'd never give up my independence and hard worked for finances for marriage. I'm in love but I'm not a fool in love.

Sassy777 · 06/04/2014 19:05

We had 2 DCs together and wanted us all to have the same name. That's what it boiled down to really... Was never really interested in getting married. Had another dc soon after. 4 years later and I'm nearly divorced! Keeping the married name solely because of the kids.

tilliebob · 06/04/2014 19:10

I wanted to be his wife and him to be my husband.

I wanted any future children brought up in a married household.

I wanted to make a commitment to him.

I wanted to get married in my Kirk where my parents, grandparents and gt grandparents were married.

21 years married this summer. We've grown up together and grown stronger together every year. 3 beautiful dcs after a struggle. Never have any money but never did anyway!

CrispyHedgeHog · 07/04/2014 05:12

Had two dc. He was 25 years older than me. I was young stupid and naive. Thought we had to be married for the dc's security if anything happened to him.

I knew it was wrong. I didn't want to marry him but I didn't know how to get out of it. We were separated within a year afterwards.

It took me years to realise how abusive and controlling he was. A 43 year old marrying a girl of 17 kind of says it all.

Hindsight is a marvellous thing indeed.

RudyMentary · 07/04/2014 05:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hookedonchoc · 07/04/2014 10:13

Wow so many sensible, well thought out reasons on this thread! In my case, because he asked me and I thought if I said no we'd break up - and I wasn't prepared for that to happen just yet. 20 years on still together.

Velve · 07/04/2014 10:19

Not married yet but getting married in October.
Reason being legal security.

BigBoPeep · 07/04/2014 17:35

I just wanted to belong to him, officially. Now I do, I have that ring on my finger and it's all official, I like that. Not very feminist, but I don't give a shit!

We have a common goal in life - the survival of the farm.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2014 12:43

You wanted to belong to him??

That is utterly depressing.

BigBoPeep · 08/04/2014 13:50

I apologise for depressing you. I do not apologise for not feeling depressed about a life I'm largely blissfully happy with (and the bits I'm not are NOTHING to do with my husband) :)

Eggsiseggs · 08/04/2014 16:52

We loved each other and it made us officially family.
Different from any other relationships we had. It did change a lot more than I thought it would as well!
Never regretted it. I love that we are viewed as a unit socially and legally.

keely79 · 08/04/2014 16:57

Because I love him. Because he is my best friend. Because for both of us, life long commitment and raising a family meant marriage. Because I wanted to build a future with him and he wanted to build a future with me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread