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Relationships

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Original poster

Why did you get married?

80 replies

evangelinelily · 04/04/2014 09:56

To the married people out there- anyone willing to share? What were your reasons for getting married as opposed to remaining as partners and cohabiting?

Do you and your husband/wife have shared goals for the future that you discussed prior to getting married? What are they?

OP posts:

Weegiemum · 04/04/2014 12:49

Because we were in love, wanted to live together and we're good little Christians who wouldn't cohabit.

Still, 19 years and 3 dc later the best decision I ever made!

OneMoreChap · 04/04/2014 12:50

I married as commitment, and because I loved DW and she wanted to get married.
In our case it wasn't a children issue, as she can't and I already had children.

She had been OW, so of course she was always told, she had just created a vacancy.
No vacancy in the last 15 years...

Marriage does sort out a lot of property issues and some inheritance issues, but you do need to have some adult chats about what you are both expecting.

NearTheWindymill · 04/04/2014 12:57

Because I would never have co-habited with anyone and would not have contemplated children without being married. Because I met him and fell in love and had no doubts that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Because our views on what mattered to us were similar - family, politics, religion, money, no of children and what we thought was important about bringing them up.

We have been married for nearly 24 years and I would say that even when everything is right marriage can be hard and involves compromise but I can also say that I love him more now than when we first met. We know each others strengths and weaknesses and every wrinkle of each other's personality and nowadays a few real wrinkles too.

Hobby2014 · 04/04/2014 12:57

We already lived together but wanted to start a family and wanted the stability / security you get from being married, plus I wanted me, dh and future kids to have the same surname. Obviously we were / are happy and in love etc so felt like the next thing to do.
Don't know if being married has made me feel more secure/stable, we were stable/secure before and still are now, but it's feels nice to be married.

Keepithidden · 04/04/2014 13:00

At the time it was a kind of romantic idealism, together with a fair amount of pressure from 'society'.

Six years later, post DCs, job issues, financial worries, close family health concerns and compatablilty issues I'm looking back with more regret than I'd ever like to admit in RL.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 04/04/2014 13:04

I was a SAHM and we both knew being married would protect us more in the event of the worst.

I was and still am in love and wanted to demonstrate that in some way.

I also saw a really nice dress in a sale.

126sticks · 04/04/2014 13:50

Two become one and all that.

50KnockingonabiT · 04/04/2014 13:59

We got married because everyone in a group of friends were getting married at the time, well that's my take on it, funnily enough not his.

25 years and two kids later we're still together, not always perfect, but still here and still trying to make each other happy every day.

Can't imagine life without him.

Jengnr · 04/04/2014 14:32

Because I love him. I wanted to make that commitment, share his name and bind us together legally.

And I wanted to wear a big fuck off dress and have an amazing day.

We had a brilliant day, we have a great marriage and now a lovely little boy. I certainly can't complain about any of it. I can honestly say my life is fucking great.

struggling100 · 04/04/2014 14:36

Because I love DH and wanted the commitment.

I can't explain it, but we had a very private, small wedding, and during the vows it was like we were suddenly the only two people in the world - making this great promise to each other. It was the most incredible but also slightly scary feeling. And it felt different, and continues to do so - somehow more happy and settled at a deep level.

I am not religious, and I did not expect that this would be the case.

Gnome134 · 04/04/2014 14:39

Because when civil partnerships became possible, it seemed that being a cohabiting heterosexual couple meant we were the last bastion of relationships with no legal status. Had two kids before we married, and of course I do love dh!

phoebeflangey · 04/04/2014 14:42

Because I was deluded and thought he would want to be with me for the rest of our lives, we already had dd, I was 8 months pregnant when he asked, albeit with a nudge from everyone else.
We married in a registry office, with our dd as bridesmaid just before she started school. (I didnt want to have a different name to dd) Against what I thought my wedding would be like (Christian) But then the marriage wasnt what I hoped for either, emotional and physical abuse and he almost destroyed me. 18 months single now, saving for the divorce at 37, never expected to be here :(

Timetoask · 04/04/2014 14:45

Commitment, marriage to me shows that someone is willing to say YES to a shared life with me come bad and good. I feel secure. I feel important in this person's life. I also knew I wanted children and would never bring a child into the world without being in a stable committed partnership and marriage gave me this.

I think family should be the core of society, I think society is going down hill in it's values and it's partly because our family values are in decline.

I also think people are getting divorced too hastily. Society is becoming more selfish. We are living more in isolation. I hope things get better because I don't like how things are turning out for next generations.

LondonInLausanne · 04/04/2014 14:45

We married because DH and i lived in another country where if we had kids and we were not married and i died then DH would have no rights whatsoever over the DCs and they would go straight into care.

We found this out when i was 6 months accidentally pregnant and we married at 8 months.

5 years later we are happily married.

ThatBloodyWoman · 04/04/2014 14:46

Because I was curious at what it'd be like.

And it's just the same as living together.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/04/2014 14:48

Because he asked and because it was expected amongst our friends & family

JennyWithers · 04/04/2014 15:07

My previous dp had died. I got pregnant. I thought he'd look after me #idiot

fideline · 04/04/2014 15:16

Folk

Marvintheparanoid · 04/04/2014 15:16

We did cohabit a while. But we were from different countries, and a lot of things were simplified greatly with marriage (visas, taxes, conjugal rights etc).
No regrets for the most part.

AWimbaWay · 04/04/2014 15:19

My last partner, whom I planned to be with forever, but with no plans to marry, died very suddenly. Although we had been together for years and owned a home together, as we weren't married I was not considered his next of kin. That made things all the more stressful when trying to sort all the necessary legal stuff out afterwards. Legally if you've been with your partner for a long time and share assets etc. everything is far more straightforward, whether after a death or separation, if you're married.

I was also 8 months pregnant when I married Dh and liked the idea of having the same name as my children without having to double-barrel or force Dh to change his name if he wanted the same surname too.

rainbowfeet · 04/04/2014 15:27

At the time I suppose I loved him but looking back it wasn't what I would call 'the love of my life' or 'my soulmate' (not sure he exists as I'm a very difficult person to love)
He was a good guy a reliable one, my friends were all settling down so it seemed the logical thing to do. The day itself was for me not a happy one, I don't enjoy attention & I think I knew deep down it wasn't right for either of us. By the end of all the planning & booking stuff I was bored with it all & couldn't wait for it to be over with ... Separated now for 6 years soon to be divorced.. Don't think I'll be doing it a 2nd time!

expatinscotland · 04/04/2014 15:27

We wanted to be married before having children.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 04/04/2014 15:44

DH and I married because my mum bribed us.

We were living together (it was 1984) and mum wasn't happy about that. DH had bought a flat and we were slowly furnishing it, buying bits and pieces every week on payday, so the weekly phone call would be, Mum: "What have you been up to this week?" Me: "Oh, we bought a set of pans, only a fiver from this cheapy shop..." Mum: "You'd get all that stuff as wedding presents if you got married." Me: [change subject]

Repeat ad nauseam.

Eventually she said, "It's worth £1500 if you get married..." Me: "Eh?" Mum: "Well, that's what I gave your sister as a deposit on her flat when she got married, and you already have a flat..."

DH was on one knee before the next dawn. (Though I had to make him get out of bed and do it properly, he asked twice while kneeling on both knees, sigh.)

LEtranger · 04/04/2014 17:50

The first time because I'd already had his baby and thought I had to .

I was pretty disillusioned after that and thought I would never marry again, but (now) DH wanted to marry me, and I realised that being the man he is, that if he stood up in front of all his friends and family and said he'd stick with me through thick and thin, that he'd actually do it. And the security if that suddenly felt like an amazing thing I'd be daft to turn down! Because he is my best friend and I wanted to live with him forever anyway.

Horsemad · 04/04/2014 18:10

I wanted the legal protection that being married gives a SAHM.

I would not have children unless I was married, and I wanted children!

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