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Original poster

Help - He doesn’t seem that excited!!!

14 replies

Achica123 · 02/04/2014 14:42

So.....

I have been out with this guy for 5 times now (the last one was at his place). When we are together, he is totally there with me and in nice way. In between the dates, he is on the silent side - he doesn’t text me as often as I wish he would. I want for a short holiday and after my return, I received nothing from him – no call or text although he knew what day I was getting back. In the beginning , I thought he was just shy, and maybe he is a bit, but I am having hard time dealing with the idea of not hearing from him immediately after my return from hols. It took him 2 days to get in touch, and start asking about getting together.

I am starting to have a feeling that he is not that excited about the whole idea of us, and feel a bit confused :(

OP posts:
meditrina · 02/04/2014 14:54

It's 5 dates, so it is definitely still the beginning.

Don't spend your time agonising about his motives, or indeed letting a new acquaintance take up at much of your thinking time.

PigletUnrepentant · 02/04/2014 14:56

Yes, it is only the first few dates and if he is already loosing interest, it is time to move on. He is not that into you.

LastOneDancing · 02/04/2014 14:56

I think the key bit of your post was 'as often as I wish he would'. You seem to have different expectations - you've only been out 5 times, to be fair to the guy he's not a mind reader and cant know how often you expect a text.

Perhaps he's not trying to crowd you or is trying to 'play it cool' - treat em mean and all that... or maybe he just sees it as a casual relationship?

And the holiday thing - did you text him 'I'm back!' or did you play the game of waiting to see if he remembered - because in my experience if you do 'test' people, you set them up for failure.

But trust your gut - if you think he's not that into you, you might be right.

Original poster
Achica123 · 02/04/2014 15:02

The thing is I don't know if he is losing interest, playing it cool or looking at the whole thing as a casual relationship. I don't want to ask because I don't want to come across as clingy / desperate...

LastOneDancing - I haven't texted him saying that I am back, but we caught up on FB and I told him when I was flying back home...

May be my expectations are high ...

OP posts:
RedRoom · 02/04/2014 15:05

You could also say that you got back off hols and didn't bother to contact him for two days! Don't mess around playing games. Keep yourself busy, let him know that you have things going on besides him, but text him when you want to!

Lweji · 02/04/2014 15:18

Why wouldn't you contact him when you returned?

Original poster
Achica123 · 02/04/2014 15:26

@ Lweji, I don't know tbh - I thought he'd make that call, and I am keen not to come across as desperate !

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/04/2014 15:30

He may be thinking the same.

But he did contact you about seeing you again. Have you set it up?

themonsteratemyspacebar · 02/04/2014 15:36

My DP was the same when we first got together. Really got on my nerves. I just thought 'well he's obviously not interested'. So one day i just came out and asked why he didnt text me much, or only when it was for plans to meet up.

Turns out he was trying to play it cool and not seem desperate or too keen in order not to scare me off! Even though he really did want to talk to me.
Since then it went right up and quite consistent!

Why not just ask him?

Original poster
Achica123 · 02/04/2014 15:40

@ Lweji - he did and we might be meeting this Friday...
@ themonsteratemyspacebar - I thought about asking him about this, but I keep holding myself back as I don't want him to freak out. If you don't mind me asking, when did you talk to him about this? was it at an early stage, or did you wait for some time?

OP posts:
themonsteratemyspacebar · 02/04/2014 15:50

It was probably after a couple of months or so, if that!
I completely understand where you are coming from though. Its so frustrating thinking that if he wanted to talk to me, well then he would, so why isn't he?!

You don't need to make a big deal out of it. Just make light of it or even a joke. I promise you, he probably hasn't even noticed as he may not be a big texter anyway, or he will want to but isn't for the same reason you aren't texting him!

Does he take a long time to reply etc?

Original poster
Achica123 · 02/04/2014 15:56

themonsteratemyspacebar, you are saying what I am thinking of and going through ... so glad and reliefed to hear that it happens elsewhere... when we text, he responds real fast :)

OP posts:
NMFP · 02/04/2014 17:30

He might just be busy. Lots of people (me) don't text etc unless they have something specific to say, and he might just be thinking you'l be busy with your holiday etc.

themonsteratemyspacebar · 02/04/2014 18:10

If he replies fast to your texts then i really wouldnt be worried! I reckon hes an eager beaver but doesnt want to show it Grin
Just say something off hand and jokey to him and hopefully he will get the hint!

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