Is there ever a good way to tell a woman you think she should lose weight?

[aw11]

Ok, so let me start by saying that this is not a huge problem for me and this is meant more of a lighthearted thread than a request for advice.....but.....my mrs has been putting on a fair bit of weight and is now quite chubby. She's never been skinny and I wouldn't want her to be, however it's getting to the stage where she's definatly overweight iyswim?

As I say it's not a big deal but I've been thinking about how I could approach the subject and help her stop putting more weight on? She sometimes moans about it to me but doesn't seem that bothered, but it's not healthy or a good way to be heading.

awaits massive flaming

is there ever a good way - no.

enjoy the single life Brad Pitt.

Hahah oh how the replies differ from this www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2038273-Fed-up-and-lonely-Overweight-husband-woes

A woman going on about her husband being overweight.

Hey aw11

I think your wife is trying to tell you something..........

LOL

Don't talk about fat wives on MN, it can only end one way. Fat husbands however you can totally get reasonable debate out of that.

See thread linked above above and try the advice given there.

Nursey, backonthefence. This situation's very different. I fancy the pants off my mrs and we definatly have no troubles in the bedroom. Anyway, apart from a few people it's been quite a good natured discussion about how to help a partner, female in this case, who is putting on weight.

atmywitsend - what are you going on about?

aw11 I was demonstrating the differences in replies, to all those who made comments like 'enjoy the single life brad pitt'. I appreciate your situation is different, I just don't like how you got those sorts of comments but a woman complaining doesnt. Very silly

There is no good way to tell someone that but sometimes it needs saying. It's very easy to just let weight creep up and up. If someone you love tells you with sensitivity it makes you face it. Just don't keep pressuring her though.

I too am of the opinion that it seems fine for women to put on weight and her DH/DP is shallow and mean if he minds but if a woman says her DH/DP has she'll get loads of sympathy.

You wait until she next moans then you say, 'Let's both seriously try to lose weight' and talk about how you could support each other to do it. Don't bring up her weight in isolation.

Meerka I have to admit when my mum started it I was dismissive of it as another fad diet. But she has lost weight very easily and I have seen for myself that she genuinely eats normally on non-fast days - like sausages, fried bacon, toasted cheese sandwiches, chocolate brownies etc. It seems like a good diet for people who don't like dieting.

I've only read the first page but, lay off the OP!

What's wrong with him wanting his partner to lose weight? He obviously still loves her, just wants her back the way she was. If my partner put on weight I wouldn't like it, partly because it's unhealthy and partly because it's unattractive. I'm female BTW and no I'm not a supermodel, I don't have to be.

Why would this be an April fool?! Why can't someone tell their other half that they are fat/getting fat?! I can't understand the mentality where people on here think we should just grin and bear it FGS!!

AW11 - diet is just a word. We all have a diet, be it healthy or unhealthy. From what you say, you feel that you and your DW have an issue with portion control. You feel that eating less is the key to losing weight. That is referred to as 'going on a diet'!

There are lots of different weight-loss 'diets' around; I happen to like Weightwatchers because it is about re-educating yourself to eat smaller portions of ordinary foods. You become used to seeing a certain amount of food on your plate, and within a week that becomes the new normal, and I find that it really is enough. You may choose to eat beyond that quantity, but you are training your appetite to recognise when you have had sufficient. The system allows you to log the exercise you take and equate that to an additional amount of food that you can eat to balance it. Then you take that learning forward into your everyday 'diet' to help you to maintain your new weight. A diet doesn't have to equal faddy eating!

Your not a pig and you're not judgemental.

I'm interested to know why the person has gained weight's feelings matter so much more than the person who is concerned about it and worried that they don't find them attractive anymore?

atmywitsend Crikey! That was uncalled for

So is nobody allowed to ask for advice about their lives / relationships now?

I don't think it is helpful or nice to comment on your partner's weight.

I do sometimes when I get exasperated with my husband eating too much having moaned about his weight, but in general, I stick with- my body, my weight, my concern, his body, his weight, his concern.

I wouldn't want anyone to put me on an eating plan or encourage me to exercise, I know I need to do these things. I wouldn't complain if someone cooked for me or asked me if I wanted to take a bit of exercise/relieve stress but in general, given that over 50% of us are overweight, we all know this stuff but for whatever reason find it hard to stick to. I don't think having someone point out you have put on weight is helpful, it's extremely unlikely that they haven't noticed.

My husband does offer for me to go to the gym/swim in the evenings but I'm too knackered, I'm at work in the morning, there's no easy solution to this stuff.

Is there ever a good way to tell a woman you think she should lose weight?

Wearing a crash helmet and full body armour, from a distance of 20 metres behind a stone wall, in a foreign language?

Seriously though, I'm not sure why you would have to tell someone they "should". Fat people know they're fat. If she's unhappy about it then you can support her in addressing that unhappiness as she thinks best. If it's a big problem for you sexually you need to say so and she can take that as she takes it - but you say it isn't.

No. Even when she takes it well, and knows it already, it's humiliating to have it pointed out to you. Far better to do something that will encourage gentle weight loss than to imply she is anything less (or considerably more) than the woman you married.

I was happy that when me and my partner started grumbling about our weights that we both told each other that we needed to lose weight.

Just discuss it with her. She should appreciate your concern.

At my wits end.....we are the fattest euro nation.

Yours was a crass comment. In my view British women need to shape up and stop being so sensitive about being over weight. It's not healthy...

Only British women something2say? Because 65% of British men are overweight or obese compared to 54% of British women...

I'm a guy. The answer is no.

Unless you're in a relationship where you're already used to making her feel shit, in which case, good luck with making her feel even worse.

FFS this thread is a classic case study about the very worst side of Mumsnet..can't some of you offer an opinion ( whether you agree with Op or not) without resorting to name calling and nastiness just because people disagree. Grow up. You know who you are.

OP you sound lovely.

I don't get the mean comments, it is perfectly acceptable to worry about someone you love gaining a lot of weight. I worried about my husband when he gained a lot and he worried about me when I did too.

That does not make you shallow or an arsehole so ignore the posters who say otherwise.

There is no good way of telling anyone they need to lose weight and she knows she has gained weight. I think telling her would probably just hurt her but you know her and how she will likely react.