Is there ever a good way to tell a woman you think she should lose weight?

[aw11]

Ok, so let me start by saying that this is not a huge problem for me and this is meant more of a lighthearted thread than a request for advice.....but.....my mrs has been putting on a fair bit of weight and is now quite chubby. She's never been skinny and I wouldn't want her to be, however it's getting to the stage where she's definatly overweight iyswim?

As I say it's not a big deal but I've been thinking about how I could approach the subject and help her stop putting more weight on? She sometimes moans about it to me but doesn't seem that bothered, but it's not healthy or a good way to be heading.

awaits massive flaming

LOL! Frith1975 yep, well spotted. Hope you're right.
Although doesn't doing an April Fool after noon make the joker the fool?
Either way in this case, OP is a fool.

I think it would be nice if when she moans about it, you could say "I could lose some weight/tone up, why don't we sort this out together?" It's more fun and motivating if you do it with someone and it actually can turn out as fun, quality time together. I think it's nice how sensitively you posted this. No flaming here. Who would want their partner to get fat?? It not only affects looks but health too.

My friend told me and it made me take action. However,I was in the right place at the time to receive it. Had it been a different time, I could have well taken offence.

I actually think the opposite to everyone else. I think that done gently it's a loving thing to do, to say that you love cuddliness but you're afraid that a bit too much cuddliness isn't good for her, or you.

As you say, there -are- health implications and sorry, but beign attracted to your partner does matter. No one stays the same as they get older, sure, and that has to be accepted. But getting to the point of maybe not finding your partner the turnon that he / she once was is something that it's better to try to mend in the relationship, if it's possible. (assuming ofc that there aren't medical reasons for weight gain or that make loosing it hard).

It can be said gently, for example that you're all getting a bit more generous than you all used to be and yes, I'm sure she'll know what you mean but hopefully she'll also know you love her and want to work with her. As a previous poster said, suggest that you all try to go out cycling or swimming or whatever you all like, and work on portion control.

mspmsp - No it's not that big a deal for me and I doubt I'd every say anything until it's a real health problem that starts affecting our lives. But I care for her and want her to look after herself and not become unhealthily big! You seem to assume that it's because I don't like the way she looks? It's not, though it may become an issue of the weight gain continues.

I don't know, are you prepared to eat smaller portions too so that she doesn't feel deprived? Or to eat less calorie dense foods, maybe more soups and salads?

how do you spend time together?
what are her hobbies?

overeating may be just a sign of her being stressed or worried - is that possible?

aw11 talk to your wife ffs, if this is real. She might see this thread for all you know. And be totally humiliated. You should be able to talk to her. Next time she mentions her weight TALK to her about it. And she what she says.

See ya

Aw11- ok sorry that was harsh, but its up to her to decide if its a problem or not really. She obviously knows she has gained weight and probably does want to do something about it (most women do) either way you shouldn't be the one to tell her, its almost impossible for it not to upset het and change the way she believes you feel about her

Jump on the latest no sugar bandwagon. Cutting out processed foods will help you to lose weight and you can put it to her that it could prevent heart disease, alzheimers and dental decay. you don't even have to mention weight.

believe me - cutting carbs will massively improve her appetite (for all sorts...;)

Is that you DH ? I have put a couple of stone on (menopausal is my excuse ) and am really struggling with it and my self esteem and body image is rock bottom. Although my DH swears blind he still fancies me and the hydraulics still work to back that up the point is it is still detrimental to our love life because one of us is unhappy with our appearance. let me know what works , if anything and good on you for being supportive and not running off with a skinny bint like my DH who regularly lies says I am still beautiful to him and he has hardly noticed yeah right.

Next time she moans about her weight, ask her what she's unhappy about specifically, what she intends to do about it, and is there anything you can do to support her so that she feels better about herself? That way you avoid saying anything negative to her and confirming any insecurities, but you haven't denied the problem and have put the responsibility back on her.

Beyond that, you cannot do anything, since everyone should have autonomy over their own body, even if they choose to use it in a way that damages their own health.

Meerka, Halfawife yes it would be great to do something like this together. but we have three small kids and time is an issue. As it is I go out very early in the morning before anyone is up.

joan - yes I may need to, though I need a fair few calories to keep my exercise up so it's a hard one.

I don't think this is insulting at all. You haven't been rude. It's about attitudes to health- if you value being active, healthy and eating well, but your wife is happy to do no exercise and put on weight, then that can cause problems like any other difference in lifestyle, such as one partner drinking or smoking too much. I don't find flabby men who drink loads and get out of breath going up stairs attractive. I do, however, fancy my DH who runs twice a week and cuts down on the wine if his trousers get tight.
Rather than making it about weight, make it about fitness or being active. Tell her you're feeling a bit sluggish and suggest going for a walk or something else active. Offer to cook more and make it healthy. Ask her to help you get fit by not having junk food in the cupboards. Just don't make it about her and her weight. Sometimes, if we love people, we have to help them look after themselves a bit better. Maybe some women think it is 'feminist' to be overweight and do nothing about it, but I think that is absolute unhealthy crap.

I think you should say nothing OP.

Simple answer is for you to take over the shopping and cooking (I'm guessing she does it at the moment) and impress her with delish veg stir fry & rice, lentil casserole, salmon, ratatouille, salad. That sort of thing. That's what I do when too much and starts to pile on the pounds. It's a wonderful way to eat - you feel healthier and energetic. She's likely to be up for energetic sex more too - so it's just win-win all round.

Or, are you from that biker forum?? In which case, jog on. Also a good way to lose weight...

Thwre's nothing like a DH being really enthusuastic about you putting on weight and being extra curvy and wanting to see you naked to want you to shed a few stone pounds. It worked for me, and it meant I always felt supported and accepted by DH.

As it turbed out, there was a medical reason for me being overweight, achy, depressed etc. In some ways, DH telling me there was nothing wrong with me, even when wondering about seeing the GP, put me off getting the help I needed.

Find the balance, but ultimately it is your wife's body and her responsibility to look after it, not yours.

interesting whatdoesittake I have cut right down on the amount I eat but not much change in what I eat which I am afraid includes a lot of junk food and sweet stuff. I also find that the more sweet stuff/junk I eat the more lethargic I feel and the more I feel like eating sweet stuff and so on and so on.
I have managed to all but cut out bread from my diet and chips but not sweet stuff , I have a real sweet tooth and the more fed up I am the more I crave it.
Years ago I would think nothing of eating a plate of vegetables on it's own or with a bit of lean meat or chicken and drank water constantly and lots of fruit and got loads of exercise - did 100 sit ups everyday and various other exercises. I can't seem to get motivated to get back to that happy healthy slim person. Part of my problem is impatience and hopelessness about it. I know that I am not going to see any difference today tomorrow ,next week or even next month even if I adopted my old regime now. Also I know it is going to be harder for post menopausal weight to come off (apparently) but by no means impossible.

I am for the sake of the argument assuming this is not an Aprils Fool.

You have three small children you say, and YOU go out running early, so, that means your wife cant have morning exercise? Is she still in bed, or sorting the kids out while you are out looking after yourself?

I want to exercise. I have wanted to exercise for the last 12 years, since our oldest was born. My dh has been very kind and considerate, every evening he will tell me "first dibs to go to the gym". I say "you go" and I know he is disappointed that I dont go.

But you know what? 8pm is way too late for me. Getting up with the kids in the morning, work part time from home (and do an MBA), do the school run again for 3 pm, cook tea/dinner, take kids to activities, clean up after dinner, sort the laundry, ensure homework is done, and help with homework, by 8 pm I am too tired to go and do exercise.

It took me until now to find something that works for me and that I enjoy. I now do two exercise sessions per week outdoors intervall training in the park with a group of people (similar to British Military Fitness) after I drop off to school in the morning. Zumba 6 pm once a week, so three sessions a week.

You cant expect her to do as you want when you think she should, you need to facilitate that she gets to do what SHE wants, when she wants it.

We also go for hikes and cycle rides as a family on the weekend.

After three weeks of this I have lost some weight, my butt and my tummy are firmer, and I feel much better and much happier.

sabrina - we share the cooking, though she usually does the shopping. I have been going on about eating healthier as a familly and we are eating a bit better. In fact it's stir fry tonight! Oh and what's the biker forum?

Redroom - "Ask her to help you get fit by not having junk food in the cupboards." This is what I've done, same with booze for myself as much as anything else.

First paragraph meant to say that despite cutting right down how much I eat (but not changing what I eat) , I cant seem to lose weight.

I reckon she's just exhausted. I over eat as it's a treat at the end of a long day. Try and see what it is about her life she'd like to change - I bet she never has any time to exercise with 3 small dc, therefore makes less effort with her diet. Put the exercise first so she starts feeling as though there's hope. Wouldn't tackle the weight directly, could really hurt her.

Do you make time for her to relax?
Like to have 3 hours to herself on each day at weekend?

If she doesn't - how can she exercise?

When do you exercise?

I would focus on the health aspects - raised risk of diabetes, heart disease, some cancers. Emphasise that you love her as she is but you worry about the long term effects.

My mum just did the 5:2 diet, and while I thought it likely nonsense, she has lost weight with no problems.

Is there ever a good way to tell a woman you think she should lose weight?

No, there isn't.

Quintzilla - I go early enought so that when I get back she's still in bed and the kids are just stirring. I wouldn't mind doing my thing in the evenings if she wanted to get out early doors. In fact, sometimes I think how nice it would be to go out after a long days work. Similarly, I get the kids washed and in bed every evening, so if she wanted to do something for the hour I'm doing that there would be no problem. "you need to facilitate that she gets to do what SHE wants, when she wants it." very true. The hardest thing about starting to get into an exercise regieme is leaving the house. The minute someone says "just do it a bit later" or "can't you do it tomorrow" it's an excuse not to bother. Good for you getting started!!