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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

feel empty

82 replies

seasrblue7 · 30/03/2014 15:19

i have my children ,home, job and my health why the hell should i feel the way i do.
I am separated from children father which is ok we get along ok for sake of children.
i met another man which when i with him is great but never know when im going to see him again and its causing me to feel used.
i enjoy his company when together but never know when thats going to be he had couple of serious relationships.
im always there when he can fit me in just fed

OP posts:
Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 09:58

I've text him said a time to talk

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/03/2014 10:01

Good on you for getting in the driving seat. Now you've got the wheel (to continue the metaphor) don't let it go again.

Pagwatch · 31/03/2014 10:10

Ooooh well done seasrblue7!

Yes. Cognito is so right. Taking control, learning from this experience is a massive positive.

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 10:12

Feel sick don't know if that is normal
Thank you so much

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/03/2014 10:31

If you're used to taking a more passive role, then asserting yourself is going to feel quite stressful. So it's normal to be a little worried when you are setting the pace. Do be assured that this gets better with practise. Not just in relationships, of course.

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 10:37

Ok I suppose scared of what his reaction is and if I'm honest scared for me heads in a bit of a mess

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TheVictorian · 31/03/2014 11:46

Hope it goes ok.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/03/2014 12:06

My tip to get your head out of a mess ... Anticipate his reaction. Work out in advance what you might say in response. If he says 'OK, nice knowing you'... what will you say? If he says 'you're a terrible woman and I hate you'... what will you say? Second tip... keep anything you say short and sweet and don't get pulled into a discussion of faults or blame. 'It's not working for me' is explanation enough.

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 13:49

Gone to meet him not there rang his phone didn't answer

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Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 13:50

Why's he doing this

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BitOutOfPractice · 31/03/2014 13:56

Oh well I guess you have your answer. Sorry. He sounds like a rubbish human being as well as a rubbish boyfriend

I would text him: "I was meeting to finish it with you but since you didn't turn up, I'll have to do it by text. We are finished. Goodbye"

BitOutOfPractice · 31/03/2014 13:57

Because he can. Because he's a sorry excuse for a man.

But that's the last time he ttreats you like shit. You have freed yourself - taken control and done what needed to be done. Well done!

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 14:00

I had myself so psyched up to see him face tell him that's was my moment of glory

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Pagwatch · 31/03/2014 14:02

He's not there because he is not a very nice person.
He's not a very nice person.

Send him a text saying 'sorry you are not here. I wanted to do this face to face because I think it's the decent way to handle things but, as you didn't turn up - you're dumped.
Sorry . It's just not working for me. Bye.

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 14:08

I've sent the text no reply
Thought that anyway

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/03/2014 14:09

I don't know if you'd already thought about this but people who are very hard to get hold of and only see you on an irregular basis are quite often in another relationship. Any chance you could have been the OW?

hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2014 14:16

So glad to read that you've ended it with him.
He sounds horrible and you know you deserve so much better.
Time to get yourself back and then you'll be ready to find someone loving who deserves you.
Well done on taking control.
Now you need to delete his number, block it, bock him from facebook etc... and go no contact.
When he realises you're not at his beck and call, he may ramp up trying to contact you and see you.
The response is the same though... ignore ignore ignore!

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 14:37

No he not with anyone else

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Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 14:39

It was always his way would have shown me up if someone showed a bit of interest in me

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Weliveinabeautifulworld · 31/03/2014 14:40

A man that makes you feel shitty is not worth your time!!!

Original poster
seasrblue7 · 31/03/2014 14:47

I'm glad i have come on here for all the great advise you are giving me thanks

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Original poster
seasrblue7 · 06/04/2014 09:36

Can't believe he texted me last nite at 10.45 ask me what I was at
Asking me to go to his place when I said no I don't think he got this message or my previous ones

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Original poster
seasrblue7 · 06/04/2014 09:37

But can I just say the feeling to say no and stick yo oh my g
It was priceless

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Mrscaindingle · 06/04/2014 09:48

If I read that correctly it looks like you stuck to your guns so congratulations. Smile

He may not get the message immediately and you may have to repeat yourself a few times before he does. Just keep reminding yourself of how crappy he makes you feel. Being on your own is scary at times but is most definitely better than the relationship you have described OP.

Thanks
Original poster
seasrblue7 · 06/04/2014 09:52

I'm in control now and a difference it's make yes I still like him but I have woken up and smelt the coffee realise I was just being used.

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