Sexually frustrated.

[Frustratedlady]

Have name changed for this. My husband is a bit of a prude(his words) I am not and enjoy experimenting. But every time I try to do something new (nothing extreme) he won't participate. Today was the worst I tried talking dirty to him during sex and he flopped. I feel so sexually frustrated. We been together ten years and I've tried sitting him down and telling him I'm bored of the same thing over and over again but he won't compromise.

He said he wanted me to be more dominant I want him to be more dominant. But I tried being more dominant just to do something more different he didn't like it. We are a good couple in every other way but he just is not pleasing me sexually. I am a sex addict and sex as a result is very important to me. I hope someone can advise me.

A sex addict? How often do you have sex?

At least every day.

But I also masturbate.

Just so I don't get called a troll I'm not asking anyone to share their sex stories just after advice.

??? He can't be that bad at it if you have it every day?

Poor bloke is probably exhausted. Sounds like you're sexually incompatible.

Is this a wind up??

I don't think he can change the way he is. Would he accept an open relationship?

You need to get help with YOUR problem/addiction. It's not up to him. You are putting it all on him, grow up and face your issues.

I don't want a open relationship.

I'm sorry but you sound fundamentally incompatible. No-one's right and no-one's wrong. You're just very different Isn't that the basic problem here? " A good couple in every other way.... " means nothing at all when there's a mismatch this serious. Have things changed radically since you met or did you marry each other in the full knowledge that he was always going to be vanilla and you were looking for much more?

Cogito I knew we were incompatible sexually yes but I loved him very much and thought I could put up with this. I'm just finding it harder the longer we are together.

To make it clear my husband has no problem with the frequency of sex just with trying anything new.

Every day?! That's an awful lot of sex in a long term relationship. (And I say that as someone who used to have sex twice a day for the first year I was with my now dh! - 2 dc later we now manage about 3-4 times a week which is pretty good going I think).

Maybe your dh feels under way too much pressure all round. What happens if you don't initiate sex? How often would he actually want it?

Maybe if you had sex less in general he might be more willing to do more things.. but some people just don't like to be more adventurous. It depends how much emphasis you place on sex in the total relationship.

How do you know you are a sex addict,is that some sort of clinical diagnosis?

No it's not a clinical diagnosis my husband does on occasion say he is too tired or if he is I'll in which case I please myself.

Maybe you should also play some sport/exercise with him. Will help with his physical fitness and help consume some of your energy/frustration?

Oh you thought love would conquer all.... Newsflash. He is who he is. People don't change much. If you married him knowing he was not doing it for you sexually thinking you could put up with it (how charming) you have no more right to expect him to change any more than he can expect you to change.

Why do you think you are a sex addict?

Mooncup, she wants it everyday and if not 'sorts' herself out. It may not be addicted but it's a little out of the ordinary isn't it?

not sure wanting it everyday or even doing it everyday is that abnormal....then again i am a bloke

How do you find the time for everyday sex?!! Anyway... Not sure you can make someone experimental if they just like what they like? Could you just increase/diversify the sec toys you have for sole use, and just enjoy the regular sex for what it is?

< sigh >

Thanks rumplestilskin I'll try that

Sexual experimentation shouldn't be tried before being discussed. It sounds from your OP that this hasn't been the case and your experimentation has been sprung upon him whilst doing the deed and no discussion.

If that's the case, I feel sorry for the bloke. DH and I have sex most days too and like to experiment, but talk about our fantasies and what we might like to try, what we would just like to keep as fantasy, and what does nothing for either one of us! Both of us have things we'd like to try but the other doesn't and it's no big deal because we know each other's likes and love the things we both like.

Joys mum you make a excellent point I hadn't thought of it like that I shall apologise to my dh.

Did he use to be more active ? Maybe he has a problem down there ?